Sara S
08-08-2013, 08:39 AM
The Jewish Elbow…
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"
"What? . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?!"
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Wise Italian Grandfather
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissin'a me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver, so you always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissin-a me, boy! Somma day, you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have-a beautiful wife, you gonna have-a lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe you gonna have-a couple of bambinos.
"Somma day, you gonna come-a home and maybe you gonna find-a you wife-a inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Point-a to you watch, and say, 'Times up!'?"
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Irish blonde...
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated, and made a bet of twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. Then, she said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm nude."
With that, she stripped down to her waist, rolled the dice, and with an Irish brogue, yelled, "Come on, baby! Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop on her number, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all grandsons are Jewish, Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ...but all men...are definitely men!
____________________________________________________________
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"
"What? . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?!"
_______________________________________________
Wise Italian Grandfather
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissin'a me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver, so you always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissin-a me, boy! Somma day, you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have-a beautiful wife, you gonna have-a lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe you gonna have-a couple of bambinos.
"Somma day, you gonna come-a home and maybe you gonna find-a you wife-a inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Point-a to you watch, and say, 'Times up!'?"
____________________________________________________
Irish blonde...
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated, and made a bet of twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. Then, she said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm nude."
With that, she stripped down to her waist, rolled the dice, and with an Irish brogue, yelled, "Come on, baby! Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop on her number, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all grandsons are Jewish, Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ...but all men...are definitely men!
____________________________________________________________