Valley Oak
08-01-2013, 09:30 PM
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Awarded For Asshole Behavior By Business Community Leaders (https://www.theonion.com/articles/asshole-awarded-for-asshole-behavior-by-business-c,33334/)
NEWS • Business • ISSUE 49•31 • Aug 1, 2013
PHILADELPHIA—At a ceremony held in the Hilton Hotel banquet hall Wednesday evening, noted local asshole Mark Thorton, 54, was recognized by his asshole peers in the business community with an award honoring his illustrious career of distinguished asshole conduct.
“What a tremendous honor this is,” the beaming prick said during his acceptance speech, after thanking all the huge pieces of shit and unrepentant dicks with whom he has engaged in asshole business over the years. “I have always believed in working hard. And for members of my own field to take notice and acknowledge my accomplishments, it makes this award all the more special.”
“There have been so many achievements over the years that I’m proud of, but your recognition tonight ranks high among them,” the godawful fucker continued. “This truly means so much to me.”
The black-tie ceremony, an annual custom within the local asshole community, was reportedly attended by over 1,000 prominent dicks, some 350 festering mounds of human waste, and 75 unbearable brownnosers, many of whom lauded Thorton for his deep and lasting influence in the field of being a selfish, amoral sack of shit.
Continues here (https://www.theonion.com/articles/asshole-awarded-for-asshole-behavior-by-business-c,33334/).
Awarded For Asshole Behavior By Business Community Leaders (https://www.theonion.com/articles/asshole-awarded-for-asshole-behavior-by-business-c,33334/)
NEWS • Business • ISSUE 49•31 • Aug 1, 2013
PHILADELPHIA—At a ceremony held in the Hilton Hotel banquet hall Wednesday evening, noted local asshole Mark Thorton, 54, was recognized by his asshole peers in the business community with an award honoring his illustrious career of distinguished asshole conduct.
“What a tremendous honor this is,” the beaming prick said during his acceptance speech, after thanking all the huge pieces of shit and unrepentant dicks with whom he has engaged in asshole business over the years. “I have always believed in working hard. And for members of my own field to take notice and acknowledge my accomplishments, it makes this award all the more special.”
“There have been so many achievements over the years that I’m proud of, but your recognition tonight ranks high among them,” the godawful fucker continued. “This truly means so much to me.”
The black-tie ceremony, an annual custom within the local asshole community, was reportedly attended by over 1,000 prominent dicks, some 350 festering mounds of human waste, and 75 unbearable brownnosers, many of whom lauded Thorton for his deep and lasting influence in the field of being a selfish, amoral sack of shit.
Continues here (https://www.theonion.com/articles/asshole-awarded-for-asshole-behavior-by-business-c,33334/).