The More Things Change...

[theindependenteye]

Just saw a headline in the Russian River Times...

First Sonoma County Same-Sex Couple to File for Bankruptcy

Human progress comes in fits & starts, burps & jiggles.

Peace & joy--
Conrad

[theindependenteye]

>>>I'm not sure I understand the subtext of your post. Must needs the perceived "exception" be exceptional? Receiving the many legal rights that every other couple has wasnt a promise to solve certain other problems.

No, of course not, and I wasn't intending to disparage same-sex marriage. My point was only that I found it sadly comic that when people overcome one major challenge, they get slammed with another. No, it's not rational to feel that success should have its special moment in the sun, but most of us do want to feel that. Obviously, my own sense of the "comic" cuts very close to the bone.

Peace & joy--
Conrad

[theindependenteye]

>>>Wow. Yes, I am gay and indeed, I experience both of your remarks are cutting, insensitive and patronizing. Gays aren't wasting their lives, and generations, engaging in these ridiculous fights for mere legal rights just to demonstrate for heterosexuals how to better manage each of these rights. I'm not pleased to see anyone signing their messages with Peace and Joy who entertains themselves at the expense of a real person's real bankruptcy in their own community -- or perhaps these trying times have legitimately invited this black humor.<<<

The worst listserv battles I've seen have come over intended humor. For me, "entertains themselves at the expense of a real person's real bankruptcy" isn't remotely descriptive of what I feel about this or any similar tragedies. Gay rights are high on my radar screen, and so is economic justice. I'm very sorry that anything I say could be felt as "insensitive and patronizing," especially on these issues.

In fact, I do believe that these times require humor. But I feel the responder is itching badly for a fight, and explanations just feed the fire. Being a professional writer, I accept that if a joke bombs, it bombs, and you can't blame your audience.

I will say, to other readers, that for me "comedy" isn't an indulgence for entertaining myself or anyone else: it's a survival tool. It's taking incongruous things and shoving them together, and the laugh that results, if it does, may be a warm chuckle or a cry of half-surprise/half-pain, but finally, if it works right, it alleviates the pain by bonding you with others in that sudden moment of recognition — maybe with a whole audience, maybe just with the writer you're reading. When it's right, the laughter tells that it's felt, it's comprehended, it's shared, and it's survived.

That chemical reaction requires two things (except with formula stuff where they just give Pavlovian signals). First, that the pain is real, that you believe it's fully felt by the teller. Second, that the "bond" is accepted. If Newt Gingrich tells a joke, even a non-political jest about penguins, I'm not likely to laugh because I don't want to be in the same hot tub as Newt. In this case, for that reader, all signals flashed red.

Jokes are often seen as an unsympathetic "targeting" of the type of people in them — the butt of the humor, as they say. The fact that I may intend the exact opposite cuts no ice, especially when the hearer is highly sensitized to every tell-tale signal of insensitivity, bigotry, whatever. It's doubly problematic on email, where vocal inflection, eye contact, mannerism, all those bonding tactics, are absent.

So, more fool I. I'm hopeful the responder and those who feel the same won't read my future posts, because at this age I'm not going to squeeze my eyeballs into seeing things one-dimensionally — they can't help seeing too many sides of any phenomenon. But I'll excise this particular post from the next draft of my reincarnation.

And finally, yes, I do sign many of my posts "peace & joy" because, however much pain I've caused over the years, I'm under the impression that in my heart I do wish people that.

Peace & joy--
Conrad

[podfish]

The worst listserv battles I've seen have come over intended humor... these times require humor. But I feel the responder is itching badly for a fight, and explanations just feed the fire.<br><br> Being a professional writer, I accept that if a joke bombs, it bombs, and you can't blame your audience. I think that's the perfect response. You're right in your observation about the problems of introducing humor and of the absolute need for it. The perspective given by setting something in a humorous context is essential.<br>as the recently-popular cliche question "too soon?" illustrates perfectly, not everyone is ready to adopt that perspective at the same time. That's no reason to avoid introducing a little levity. Professionals -do- know something valuable!!