Best Bar Joke Ever

[busyb555]

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man,
"What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and
The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,
"What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and the WWF.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will
try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy
you voted for Obama?"

[Clancy]

If I couldn't see that Obama is as much a corporate puppet as that imbecile GW was, with nearly identical policies and results, I'd feel cowed by bright people too.

Get over it and wake up.

Our political system has been hijacked. They're playing you like a fiddle.

[Clancy]

I have no interest in exchanging private emails with you.

I'll just say it's stunningly stupid to believe that Obama is a socialist. He's no more a socialist than John McCain or GW Bush.

[Barry]

...
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy
you voted for Obama?"
Cute, except you got it backwards, my friend. I have no doubt that Obama's voter are smarter, on average, then McCain's.
I think there's some stats out there about Red State vs Blue States that allude to that.

For that matter, I have no doubt Obama is smarter than McCain! :duck:

["Mad" Miles]

Whoever becomes President is not about smarter or dumber. It is about demonstrating reliability and commitment to the interests that are hiring you for the job.

The same goes for the voters, except that's more about demographics, interest groups, djinned up clusters of media manufactured identity that can be mobilized to vote predictably.

In G.W.'s case he was sold as an inarticulate, regular guy, someone the "Average Joe" would like to have a beer with. He played that role well.

Then they switched the pea in the shell game. The "Aw Shucks" schtick had lost it's power. After seven years in Afghanistan and five in Iraq, after Katrina, the "good ol' boy" show had to go. Plus John McCain was too stiff to cut it, and Refudiator Palin only played well in the sticks.

So now we have an articulate, well-educated young man, to demonstrate contrast and change.

"Hope"

"Change We Can Believe In".

Ever heard campaign slogans more general than that? It was practically an exercise in post-modern meaning production. All form and process, no definable content.

Don't look at what President Obama says. Look at what he does. A few marginal improvements, mostly the same core policies. He's doing a very good job, the one he was hired for.

All the fringe, but very well funded, right-wing hysterical dreck from the Beck's etc.? Just part of the show. Makes it look like there's opposition to the mainstream. It's just hyperventilating for the masses. Keeps'em occupied and out of the hair of those who are really in power.

Who are they? Major corporate shareholders, those who sit on the interlocking boards of directors of the largest multinational conglomerates. As long as the slow squeeze of profits from everyone else continues, they're happy. Course in 2008 the squeeze was fast, hence all the sturm und drang since.

But a return to constitutionalist fundamentalism (or a start to it, since when has it held sway in the past?) and abolishing the FED, aren't a threat to the corporate status quo. At least the first part isn't, and they'll always figure a way to swing financing, with or without easy money from the FED.

My point being that new right vituperation is, NO THREAT, to the powers that be. That's why the alarm mongers on the extreme right, are allowed so much play. They reinforce, the set up.

The fact that our corporate overlords can't look beyond the next four fiscal quarters, well, that's just how it goes. The future will take care of itself. And there's plenty of land available near the Arctic Circle, when things get too hot to handle down south.

While the charade continues, we're stupid, and they're the geniuses.

It's a very, very old show.

[theindependenteye]

Hm. I don't think the issue here is politics. I think the real question is what's the best bar joke ever. I just don't think this is the best bar joke ever. It's junior-high joke-structure, and you could substitute any names.

Whoever posted this either has heard very few bar jokes or is too smashed to be able to distinguish a joke from a jakes. (Nothing personal - just joking.)

Very reluctantly, I'd have to admit that, being a Texan, GW Bush could probably tell a better bar joke than Obama. Many of my fellow left-wingers, I fear, have probably never even heard a bar joke. Glenn Beck perhaps *is* the best bar joke.

Cheers on a leisurely Saturday--
Conrad

[Tishrojas]

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man,
"What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and
The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,
"What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and the WWF.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will
try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy
you voted for Obama?"

I hate this joke ! Seems like only low IQ would find this funny
I hate this joke ! Seems like only low IQ would find this funny

[Barry]

Hm. I don't think the issue here is politics. I think the real question is what's the best bar joke ever. I just don't think this is the best bar joke ever. It's junior-high joke-structure, and you could substitute any names.

Whoever posted this either has heard very few bar jokes or is too smashed to be able to distinguish a joke from a jakes. (Nothing personal - just joking.)

Very reluctantly, I'd have to admit that, being a Texan, GW Bush could probably tell a better bar joke than Obama. Many of my fellow left-wingers, I fear, have probably never even heard a bar joke. Glenn Beck perhaps *is* the best bar joke.

Cheers on a leisurely Saturday--
Conrad
Thanks, as always, Conrad!

OK, who knows a good bar joke?

[Tishrojas]

Thanks, as always, Conrad!

OK, who knows a good bar joke?
Hey, thanks for your reaction to the bad bar joke. I can laugh at jokes that cross my political view point and occasionally make fun of a group who is sturdy. I grew up in a bar and have heard some good ones. Seems to me most of the message is in how you tell it, but if I can remember any that lend to written word, I'll pass them on. Tish

["Mad" Miles]

OK, I'll offer myself up for the sacrifice. I don't know if this is the best bar joke ever, I've never been a barfly. But it's the only joke I've ever been able to remember. And that's probably because of a weird experience at Boy's State in 1973 or so, with a bunch of guys spending the weekend at a Women's College in North Central Alabama, during the summer break when the college was shut down, except for us.

Here goes:

A vampire walks into a bar and orders. "A Shawt uv bloood, plis." (Imagine the thickest Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula schmaltzy Transylvanian/Romanian accent.)

The bartender pours the undead one a shot of fresh, warm, human blood, plunks it down. The vampire takes it in one swig. Aaahhh!

Later, another shapeshifting Demon Spawn of Satan comes in, and orders. "A dooble blood on ze rocks, plis!"

Bartender serves him. The demonic hell ghoul sips away happily, "Zat heet ze spawt.", pays and leaves.

A third, cousin of Draculic, Prince of the Night, shows up, and orders. "A cawp of hawt vater barkeep!"

This is rather unusual request for the undead crowd, but the customer is always right, especially if they have a tendency to tear one limb from limb, and attempt to slake their unslakeable eternal thirst for the life force denied them in their everlasting nocturnal half living shadowy existence on the resulting arterial gusher, when displeased. So Count Hawt Vatoor, gets a steaming mug of boiling H2O.

The eternally damned bloodsucking Nosferatu pulls out a used tampon, dunks it in the water, and announces,

"Eets, Tea Time!"



Yeah, I know, sick and probably sexist, but for some reason, it's a joke I'll never forget. Usually when I tell it, I don't use the embellished descriptions for Vampire that I wrote here. But putting it down on the digital page, somehow inspired me to elaborate a little.

You're welcome!

[enigmaha]

Thanks, as always, Conrad!

OK, who knows a good bar joke?

I'm a blonde therefore fellow blondes need not be offended by me telling this joke:

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender
"Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a
hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you
tell that joke, you should know something. The
BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond and I'm a 6'
tall, 200 lb blond with a black belt in karate. "What's
more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2," weighs 225 lbs
and he's a blond weight lifter," he continues, "The
fella to your right is blond, 6'5" and pushing 300 lbs,
and he's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister.
You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy goes: "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to
explain it five times."

[enigmaha]

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after
finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub.
As he wandered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and
decided to take a nap, his back against a tree. As he
slept, two young female French tourists walked down the
road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly.

When they came to the source of it, one said, "I've
always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."
So she boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his
kilt, and saw what nature had provided him with.

Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery
for us! Let's thank him for the education!" Whereupon,
she took a pretty blue ribbon from her hair and gently
tied it around what nature had provided to the
Scotsman.

Sometime later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call
of nature. He walked around to the other side of the
tree, raised his kilt and bewilderment filled his mind
at the sight of the bright blue ribbon tied neatly in a
bow.

After several moments passed, he said, "I dunna know
where y'been laddie...but it's nice ta'see y'won first
prize!"