Where are the quality single men hanging out

[story]

I am a life long Sonoma county resident and I am single, in search of a partner. Someone to have a family with. I know these things take time and I am ok with that but where do I look for the men who are fully single, and ready to meet a beatiful, active women like me. I am in my late twenties and would like to find a guy near my age with a strong moral compass and happy countenance. Thank you for any tips or referals (wink, wink).

[LenInSebastopol]

Probably moving out of Sonoma County, or even California is a fair start.
Alaska is looking better and better. And if you go to a decent church there will be fellas there that will be decent as well. Take up dancing, like square, round, ball room, tap or some other definite one. Or you could go and develop other hobbies, like mountain climbing or riding, and other interests for your self, and some one will come along and interrupt you! So you will have a common interest, in part, at least. Very important.
Just finished an article about marketing, except it looked at women and men in terms of 'sex marketing' and 'marriage marketing'.

[Hot Compost]

I am a life long Sonoma county resident and I am single, in search of a partner. Someone to have a family with. I know these things take time and I am ok with that but where do I look for the men who are fully single, and ready to meet a beatiful, active women like me. I am in my late twenties and would like to find a guy near my age with a strong moral compass and happy countenance. Thank you for any tips or referals (wink, wink).

i get the impression that the pubs in the West End of Santa Rosa (e.g. Toad in the Fog, something like that) are a popular gathering place.

it's almost like asking, where is the local promenade, where people hang out, socialize, etc. ?

* Ragle Park in Sebastopol
* Santa Rosa Junior College, all ages in addition to the recent high school graduates.

i'm afraid our culture has become fragmented enough that the answer these days tends to involve some kind of computer thing/ social networking.

but if you're beautiful, a guy might treat you differently than he would treat someone more plain - and i think you can get a better idea of a person's moral compass by seeing how they treat someone they perceive as "lesser than".

[Garden Goddess]

Hot Compost wrote:
if you're beautiful, a guy might treat you differently than he would treat someone more plain - and i think you can get a better idea of a person's moral compass by seeing how they treat someone they perceive as "lesser than".

There is an interesting paradox here. Not approaching a beautiful woman may mean a potential partner has low self-esteem or limiting beliefs such as "she must already be in a relationship."

I have the experience that when you like yourself, you are more approachable. Being open, friendly, funny while setting healthy boundaries regarding acceptable behavior anywhere, anytime.

(At the risk of seeming PC challenged, biologically speaking, the ova does not chase after the sperm. She simply allows her availability to be known and the best candidate wins.)

[Clancy]

Oh dear. You haven't even asked me out yet and I'm afraid we're about to have our first disagreement.

It's true, "she simply allows her availability to be known and the best candidate wins" is biologically based (and still preferred by most modern women), but I don't think it serves women (or men) very well any more. Otherwise, why would most marriages end in divorce, with women now initiating divorce more often than men? Somehow, the best candidate does not win, most of the time.

Most of human history we've lived in tiny communities, where male high self-esteem may have been a good indication of who was capable of providing protection and resources. Knowing the male psyche from the inside, I'll also add it was probably an indication of who was the biggest and strongest and who had the most sex with the most females - not necessarily characteristics that make a good partner today… I think it's the basis of the attraction to "bad boys" that so many young women come to regret.


There is an interesting paradox here. Not approaching a beautiful woman may mean a potential partner has low self-esteem or limiting beliefs such as "she must already be in a relationship."

I have the experience that when you like yourself, you are more approachable. Being open, friendly, funny while setting healthy boundaries regarding acceptable behavior anywhere, anytime.

(At the risk of seeming PC challenged, biologically speaking, the ova does not chase after the sperm. She simply allows her availability to be known and the best candidate wins.)

[Garden Goddess]

Clancy, we are really not in disagreement. I was responding to the desire for family that was expressed in the initial post that led to this discussion.

However, I think we need a clarification. High self-esteem is not to be confused with a huge inflated ego. "Bad boys" are usually burdened with a huge inflated ego whereas a person who has matured - hopefully will have evolved to be more comfortable with themselves as a human.

Again, I have to point out that age-maturity and evolvement as a human do not necessarily go hand-in-hand

Clancy wrote:


Oh dear. You haven't even asked me out yet and I'm afraid we're about to have our first disagreement.

It's true, "she simply allows her availability to be known and the best candidate wins" is biologically based (and still preferred by most modern women), but I don't think it serves women (or men) very well any more. Otherwise, why would most marriages end in divorce, with women now initiating divorce more often than men? Somehow, the best candidate does not win, most of the time.

Most of human history we've lived in tiny communities, where male high self-esteem may have been a good indication of who was capable of providing protection and resources. Knowing the male psyche from the inside, I'll also add it was probably an indication of who was the biggest and strongest and who had the most sex with the most females - not necessarily characteristics that make a good partner today… I think it's the basis of the attraction to "bad boys" that so many young women come to regret.

[oliviathunderkitty]

Toad in the Hole is the place you mean; it's on Fifth St. in Railroad Square.

I don't know if that's a good solution, though.

Think about what you like to do and then try to do it frequently. For example, if you're into art and theater, South A Street in Santa Rosa is a lively place with lots of events and cool people. Go even a time or two and you'll get to know people and then you might meet someone with whom you have chemistry. This is just an example. The point I'm making is that I think you are more likely to meet someone whom you can have a real connection with if it is in an environment that you are interested in anyway, rather than just being a place where you hope to meet someone.

In the end, you just never know. You could fall in love walking out of the post office. Good luck.



i get the impression that the pubs in the West End of Santa Rosa (e.g. Toad in the Fog, something like that) are a popular gathering place.

it's almost like asking, where is the local promenade, where people hang out, socialize, etc. ?

* Ragle Park in Sebastopol
* Santa Rosa Junior College, all ages in addition to the recent high school graduates.

i'm afraid our culture has become fragmented enough that the answer these days tends to involve some kind of computer thing/ social networking.

but if you're beautiful, a guy might treat you differently than he would treat someone more plain - and i think you can get a better idea of a person's moral compass by seeing how they treat someone they perceive as "lesser than".

[The Owl]

Toad in the Hole is the place you mean; it's on Fifth St. in Railroad Square.

I don't know if that's a good solution, though.

Think about what you like to do and then try to do it frequently. For example, if you're into art and theater, South A Street in Santa Rosa is a lively place with lots of events and cool people. Go even a time or two and you'll get to know people and then you might meet someone with whom you have chemistry. This is just an example. The point I'm making is that I think you are more likely to meet someone whom you can have a real connection with if it is in an environment that you are interested in anyway, rather than just being a place where you hope to meet someone.

In the end, you just never know. You could fall in love walking out of the post office. Good luck.

Maybe someone should specify what is meant by "quality"...

[Garden Goddess]

Maybe someone should specify what is meant by "quality"...

Yes, good point, this seems subjective. What are the criteria?

[story]

Ok

So my idea of quality men is that they have integrity, self respect and confidence. They are honest, emotionally available and cultive their own inner flame. They respect the people around them and look for the beauty in all situations. This does not mean that the always find it but that they are actively participating in becoming better men.

They have a healthy sexual appetite but do not use sex as a way validate themselves.The quality I guess I am looking for is in the inner self and should be balanced with a healthy lifestyle.

They should be fun and have more interests than addictions. A sense of humor is a valuable tool in dealing with the difficulties life brings and a sense of wonder about the world. Curiosity is a mark of intelligence, and quite sexy.

I hope that clarifies things. And thank you for all your advice. I just needed those little reminders to stay open, loving, and patient.

[silkworm]

"Where are the quality single men hanging out" ?

Likely where to meet/find the quality and type of man/men you desire depends on where you are inside - what are your interests, values, desires and how relaxed and trusting you are of the process.

I will share where the quality men (from my point of view) and why I believe this to be true, for me. But first, I recommend:

(1) do what you like to do, i.e, art museums, computer technie classes, exercising, architecture, dog training - is always best to follow your passion to find your passion.

(2) I'd consider what I like to do that men also might like to do, i.e. I would not go to Macy's shopping; I would perhaps go to a Harmonica Festival or a boating show. I would consider where the creative types go, ie. writers' workshops, Photoshop or computer graphic classes, marathons, or perhaps sailing.

(3) I would post ads on sites like this one being as specific as you can be while asking for personal (and perhaps) professional references (that'll weed out many). I would start a group on Meet-Up or some where like that -

Now, WHERE I KNOW THE GOOD MEN ARE - I am attracted to men who desire to merge their spirituality with their sexuality, and who are health consciousness. . . this means TANTRA-type workshops , meditation centers/classes. I would check out events at Sunrise Center in Corte Madera (see website of their classes). Anywhere there is a tantra or inner-work group event, there will be mor men than women.

I also believe the first principal of meeting a potential partner is to envision what you want, be 100% whole in yourself and go into the adventure with no expectations besides being present and enjoying yourself. You can't go wrong with this mindset. Of course, you can also meet someone as I did (from the tantra community) - when I said I would never date again - and then he appeared. Good luck, Silkworm.

[Leslie]

I know you are joking around.... but it is a diss, nevertheless, and a put down to Men. Words are powerful.



I think of the 10 or so in the United States, one is in AZ but on his way to Canada. Prob arrive in SR area around November or December. Not so long.

[The Owl]

Ok

So my idea of quality men is that they have integrity, self respect and confidence. They are honest, emotionally available and cultive their own inner flame. They respect the people around them and look for the beauty in all situations. This does not mean that the always find it but that they are actively participating in becoming better men.

They have a healthy sexual appetite but do not use sex as a way validate themselves.The quality I guess I am looking for is in the inner self and should be balanced with a healthy lifestyle.

They should be fun and have more interests than addictions. A sense of humor is a valuable tool in dealing with the difficulties life brings and a sense of wonder about the world. Curiosity is a mark of intelligence, and quite sexy.

I hope that clarifies things. And thank you for all your advice. I just needed those little reminders to stay open, loving, and patient.

Right, all reasonable but way before you get to determine any of that through conversation and observation over a period of time, what would even gain your interest, attract you in the first place? Would a "Quality" man in your view dress like a corporate executive? or casual attire? Like a hippie? Would he be clean shaven or facially hirsute? Bald, "clean cut" or long of hair? Dreads? Your own "race" or another? What are your prejudices at that level?
I think people miss a lot of good chances because they have these arbitrary "standards" that they picked up along the way either from family or peer group or media and have never really examined that automatically ex people out that might otherwise have remarkably compatible qualities... rejected just on how they "look" and by second guessing what the "others" in their circle might "think" of them.

[jryeo]

My dad gave me the advice "If you go to bars to meet girls, you will meet girls who go to bars."

That said, Barley and Hops in Occidental attracts the best crowd around in my opinion. The only problem is the place is so small and gets crowded sometimes. Fridays are a good night if you want to converse with lots of people. Other nights are more mellow but still with good people.

The owner has a doctorate degree in law, and quit the corporate world because all he ever wanted to do in life is open a pub. Usually quality owners attract quality customers. Occasionally some ruffians will show up, but Noah keeps them in check.

Basically I'm the candidate you're looking for.... attractive fit smart single late 20s guy... but I'm moving to Oregon in a few months! Sorry.

[jryeo]

Maybe someone should specify what is meant by "quality"...

That's one I've thought about a lot - not necessarily quality people but quality in general.

The best explanation I've found came from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenence which is a 400 page examination of quality.

In summary, quality is care and caring. People who do not care are not quality. A quality bottle of wine had lots of care put into its vinification. A handmade bicycle is higher quality than a machine-made bicycle because of the love which went into its creation.

[podfish]

that's a problem?


My dad gave me the advice "If you go to bars to meet girls, you will meet girls who go to bars." ..

[jryeo]

that's a problem?

Only if you think it's a problem. I'm by no means saying that every person who steps in a bar is a bad person.

However I've been at certain bar scenes where I wouldn't touch any woman in the place.

[The Owl]

Only if you think it's a problem. I'm by no means saying that every person who steps in a bar is a bad person.

However I've been at certain bar scenes where I wouldn't touch any woman in the place.

People who regularly go to bars probably don't see it a problematic at all but think about it, when you meet someone in a bar scene, more than likely they are to some degree intoxicated... ie - NOT themselves. Very often the persona the drink liberates completely masks a person's true nature... a nature you slowly begin to see as you spend more time around said people when they are sober and very different than the laugh-at-jokes-that-aren't-really-funny person you thought you were with.
Forming relationships around inebriation can make for some pretty rude awakenings down the road. (Said as a son of two alcoholics who started out as "social drinkers" and continued to see themselves that way to the end)

[battindown]

Borrow or adopt a cute mid-size dog. Walk her/him everywhere. Stop at benches where people are walking by, like downtown. Let the dog get in the way of attractive guys, "so sorry". etc. That's how I met my very attractive, intelligent and spiritual wife. She didn't do it on purpose. But, it's hard not to have a conversation at that point. Say, golly, hope you love dogs......." Have an exit line ready too, Like with fish, some you gotta toss back. Best of luck.

[Barry]

One of the advantages of online dating is that people declare their situation and what the are looking for. Of course, some are more honest than others, but that's always the case.

I met Mrs. Wacco via Match.com, before the explosion of dating sites. PlentyofFish.com is free.

Don't waste your time with lots of emailing. Quickly set up a brief meeting, 15 minutes for tea or walking and see if there is reason to go further. I enjoyed bringing an intention that there was a reason and some sort of benefit for meeting that person even if I was completely "uninterested", and that usually turned out to be the case.

Now you can first virtually meet over webcams! This became available after my singlehood, but it seems like a great idea! To start with, you can get a sense if their profile picture is a decade old or retouched or not, and a rough sense of their personality. On the other hand, it might be hard to get a sense of chemistry.


Regarding meeting people in the real world (starting when you walk out your door) the key is to make eye contact and smile! Men can't resist it, especially the single ones! Don't be shy! Once your eyes have met, the rest is simple :heart:.

So how's the search going, Story? And how about posting a photo to your WaccoBB profile here: https://www.waccobb.net/forums/profile.php?do=editprofilepic

[nct2k]

Hi Story,

Firstly I'm quite surprised to hear that you are having trouble finding the right guy in Sonoma County. :hmmm:

I highly recommend taking up social dancing. I got into this in my late 20s and early 30s and danced all over the Bay Area...and one of the reasons I gave it up was that there were way too men and not enough ladies. I doubt it's changed much since I only stopped dancing a few years ago...but there were always plenty of guys in your age bracket around.

There are many styles of dance to try - I can even recommend some venues and styles if this resonates with you. Many people I've talked to who found the right person actually met them in dance classes rather than the dances themselves. One of the great thing about dancing is it is an incredible ice breaker...asking someone to dance is kind of like asking them for a date...but instead of dinner or a movie it's just a few minutes on the dance floor...you can meet a lot of people very quickly plus you can learn a lot about them through the dance/body language.

It's definitely worth a try, and best of luck to you. :)

[Pawtucket Redemption]

Get a dog, go to puppy training, hang out at dog parks, take your dog everywhere-men love dogs, especially big powerful dogs, like pitt bulls and rottweillers.
I am a life long Sonoma county resident and I am single, in search of a partner. Someone to have a family with. I know these things take time and I am ok with that but where do I look for the men who are fully single, and ready to meet a beatiful, active women like me. I am in my late twenties and would like to find a guy near my age with a strong moral compass and happy countenance. Thank you for any tips or referals (wink, wink).

[Jeff @ HeartConnect]

I'm Jeff McCoy. I'm the love Coach. I help people create a love life they desire. I can't tell you how many women I met who lament that they can't seem to find "where the good men are." I promise you they are out there. In fact, I'm running a "conscious singles" event next week in Sebastopol. I bring people of high character together to meet, and I facilitate activities that help people to look beyond superficial characteristics and deeper into each other. If such a thing appeals to you, please come check it out. You can learn more about the event at the following link: Authentic Dating at Guayakí in Sebastopol! - Heart Connections- Singles (San Francisco, CA) - Meetup.com (https://www.meetup.com/heartconnections-singles/calendar/13880600/)
I hope to see you there!