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Barry
02-05-2010, 01:38 PM
The recent discussion regarding parents being held responsible for sanctioning teen drinking (https://www.waccobb.net/forums/general-community/63260-sebastopol-may-fine-parents-who-sanction-teen-drinking.html#post106454) got me thinking about the nature of law and enforcement.

I have offered my 18 y/o daughter (Waldorf educated with a 4.0 GPA) and her friends the opportunity to enjoy alcohol at my house in a safe, supervised and responsible manner from time to time. I think this is responsible parenting. Nicely enough I live outside the city limits so I can continue to do this with impunity!:wink:

Let's be real and logical. There are only two alternatives:

1) They drink in an unsupervised setting and who knows what happens and there is no one to be sure they are safe.

2) They don't drink. And then when they turn 21, they are fully allowed to use/abuse alcohol with no prior experience. And when they drive under the influence the parents have no responsibility.

And not that I encourage it, but I can't think of a better lesson about use/respect for alcohol than a good hangover! I've had mine as a teen, and I bet you had yours.

That said, I don't doubt that there are some parents that make alcohol available without proper safeguards. And if somebody gets hurt because of that they should held responsible.

So I'd like to think that is what this law is about, to hold parents responsible for not providing proper supervision. However you can't legislate exactly what that looks like.

As moderator here, I am well aware of the difficulty of drawing a particular line and saying this OK and this is not and then evaluating the myriad of real life actions, in all their complexity, and deciding if that crosses the line.

What it comes down to, in my book, is not about whether it crosses the line, although that's what's needed to be perceived as "fair", but rather is the behavior appropriate and responsible. The line (i.e. guideline or law) is just a rough approximation, and a point of reference, to ascertain what is truly right/wrong, fair/unfair, respectful/disrespectful, responsible/irresponsible under the circumstances.

And since you can't find anyone "guilty" unless you can say they crossed the "line", it behooves you to draw the line fairly conservatively and then allow for discretion to allow (or not prosecute) behaviors that cross the line nominally, but not in spirit.

I can only hope that this is the intent behind such a law, and that it will be enforced with discretion. I can see value in such a law in that it puts parents on notice they will be held responsible if they don't exercise proper supervision, and to be more careful if they choose to proceed anyway.

StormDancer
02-05-2010, 10:05 PM
I am glad my children are grown! If people are so terrified that someone might teach their children to drink responsibly, perhaps they should study some history. There were good reasons that Prohibition was repealed. One of those reasons was to make it easier for parents to limit their children's access to alcohol. (The speak-easys didn't care how old the customers were.) If we really want to protect our children, it would make more sence to let kids drink at 16 and not allow them to drive until they are 21!
-AnnaLisa

tomcat
02-06-2010, 01:50 PM
We all draw the lines in widely different places based on our own life experiences.

The trouble with Laws is that they are put into place by people with good intentions, but maybe with different life experiences... or agendas, so people can have a hard time agreeing with all of the Laws on the books.

My opinion is that Kids should NOT drink alcohol, but I would not want to tell YOU how to raise YOUR Kids... unless there is abuse or endangerment.

Giving a Kid enough booze to cause a hangover could be abuse and endangerment, in my opinion... but there's those lines again. Not everyone will agree.

Allowing Kids to drink at home without adults present is OK by some parents, but in my opinion it's a REALLY bad idea.

If an adult allows Kids to drink alcohol and anything goes wrong, then the adult IS responsible.

If this new Law Sebastopol is thinking about is a way to hold adults responsible when they let Kids drink and things go wrong, then I'm all for it. If it's a way to punish parents who think a half glass of wine with dinner is OK for their Kid, then I am not for it.

So many Lines...

justme
02-07-2010, 01:46 AM
I pretty much agree Barry. One thing though. Do your daughter's friend's parent's know? If they still live at home, might be a problem.

When I was 18 (38 yrs ago) giving alcohol to someone under 21 was considered contributing to "delinquency" of a minor :hmmm:. Parent or not. If you did and the minor got in trouble, you got nailed too... Is this "new law" different? Just wondering......Thanks

bodegahead
02-08-2010, 07:51 PM
I am the parent of a 16 yr old and I have been discussing this dicussion with her. Your post was very well put Barry, thank you

Barry
02-09-2010, 01:36 PM
I pretty much agree Barry. One thing though. Do your daughter's friend's parent's know? If they still live at home, might be a problem.

When I was 18 (38 yrs ago) giving alcohol to someone under 21 was considered contributing to "delinquency" of a minor :hmmm:. Parent or not. If you did and the minor got in trouble, you got nailed too... Is this "new law" different? Just wondering......Thanks

My practice has evolved as my daughter has matured. At first (under 15?) there was a complete ban for her and friends (even though I've always let her taste whatever I was drinking). Then it was a short glass for her with me (no friends) if she requested.

At a certain point I allowed her friends to join only if they had permission from their parents (which I confirmed directly).

Once she got a driver's license and I started hearing reports of her and friends attending un-supervised parties (that my daughter told me of, since we have open communication on the matter, rather than lying about it) I no longer demanded their parent's approval since they were doing it anyway, and at least this way they were in a supervised situation.

I also demanded that no one drive who had been drinking at all. And since otherwise I was permissive, I got agreement on this. And I would spot check that this was adhered to as part of my un-announced appearances. And since they knew I was "cool" they didn't mind much.

I don't know about the "contributing to "delinquency" of a minor" issue. And if that still applies, I've just been kidding all along! :wink:

Again, my daughter and her friends we all quite responsible and mature for their ages. If it were otherwise, I may have handled it differently.

But keep in mind, especially once they get their driver's license, any illusion of control that you think you might have, is just that, an illusion. Did you ever lie to your parents?

The best you can do is to stay involved, be sure lines of communication are open (they trust you and have nothing to fear of telling the truth) along with good modeling, information, and feedback.