wbreitman
08-29-2009, 12:36 PM
<TABLE style="WIDTH: 100%; BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%" class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND-POSITION: 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" vAlign=top width="100%"><TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%"><TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
David Bissonette
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Sacha Guitry
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Anonymous
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Dumas
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Sigmund Freud
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Anonymous
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage..'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Sam Kinison
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
'I've had bad luck with both my wives..
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
James Holt McGavra
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Patrick Murra
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Nash
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Anonymous
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Henny Youngman
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Rodney Dangerfield
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Anonymous
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Anonymous
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
David Bissonette
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Sacha Guitry
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Anonymous
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Dumas
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Sigmund Freud
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Anonymous
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage..'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Sam Kinison
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
'I've had bad luck with both my wives..
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
James Holt McGavra
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Patrick Murra
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Nash
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Anonymous
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Henny Youngman
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Rodney Dangerfield
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Anonymous
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0.75pt; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
<TABLE style="BORDER-BOTTOM: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-LEFT: black 1pt outset; WIDTH: 100%; BORDER-TOP: black 4.5pt outset; BORDER-RIGHT: black 4.5pt outset" class=MsoNormalTable border=1 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0.75pt; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-RIGHT: 0.75pt; BACKGROUND: white 0% 50%; PADDING-TOP: 0.75pt" bgColor=white vAlign=top width="100%">
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Anonymous
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>