sd gross
03-24-2009, 07:05 PM
:felix:
Can't make up your mind?
Welcome to DEAR ABIE!
This is an ongoing FREE advice column we're offering to anyone who needs us! Not only is there no charge, but we offer a money back guarantee.
Dear Abie,
We live right near the school in a No Drug Zone but when Grandma came to visit, she brought her drugs with her. We found them and hid them and then when she wanted to take them she couldn't find them and got really upset and called us names right before she died. Do you think God will punish her for calling us bad names - and what is Diabeadies?
Grounded For A Month
Dear Grounded,
Diabetes is what you get if you don't eat enough candy bars, and don't worry about Grandma. She's not in God's hands anyway (she's in the basement cooking up some medicine).
Dear Abie,
When I came home from school on Monday I discovered a homeless man hiding under my bed. I was going to call daddy but the man did my book report for me and on Tuesday he helped me with my math homework. My dad is a Marine Drill Instructor and I know he'd kill the homeless man because he hates long hair and beards but my science project is on Reproduction and the man said he'd show me all about how it works. Mommie keeps asking about the funny smell in my room and wondering why I take food back to my room. Should I ask the man to leave?
Fourteen in Detroit
Dear Fourteen,
Wait until late Friday and sneak him into your best friend's house.
Dear Abie,
I am a stay at home dad with nine kids. My wife provides for us (she does something at the pool hall) and in return I do all the child care, cooking, dishes, shopping, laundry, vacuuming, and chauffering around to schools, doctors, boy scouts, dentists, bootcamp, riding lessons, and tattoo parlors and other things as they come up. We have a 13-room house with tennis courts, a pool, a solarium and huge arboretum in back and I have no help keeping it watered, pruned, dusted and in order. At the end of the day I'm exhausted but my wife expects a hot meal and someone to serve it and clean up after dinner. I don't mind this, but at day's end I have to pick up after my wife's used dental floss, dirty tissues (she has sinus problems), empty lipstick containers, soiled undies, used sanitary napkins, and cigar butts, not to mention empty the spittoons, as well. Right now, the blood stains from what she did to the hamster when she lost her temper last night are still on the oriental carpet, and the sauce from her tacos is still on the window from when she lost it last Thursday. At what point does a husband draw the line picking up after his wife? Are wives today responsible for any housework if hubby stays home with the kids?
Tired in Topanga
Dear Topanga,
Apparently you married a woman who has brothers named Nunzio, Augusto, Stefano, Zelindo, Carlo, Mario, Giuseppe, Marcello and Dino, all of whom live either in the same house or across the street. Have you tried enlisting in the Navy?
:Mr.Natural:
Can't make up your mind?
Welcome to DEAR ABIE!
This is an ongoing FREE advice column we're offering to anyone who needs us! Not only is there no charge, but we offer a money back guarantee.
Dear Abie,
We live right near the school in a No Drug Zone but when Grandma came to visit, she brought her drugs with her. We found them and hid them and then when she wanted to take them she couldn't find them and got really upset and called us names right before she died. Do you think God will punish her for calling us bad names - and what is Diabeadies?
Grounded For A Month
Dear Grounded,
Diabetes is what you get if you don't eat enough candy bars, and don't worry about Grandma. She's not in God's hands anyway (she's in the basement cooking up some medicine).
Dear Abie,
When I came home from school on Monday I discovered a homeless man hiding under my bed. I was going to call daddy but the man did my book report for me and on Tuesday he helped me with my math homework. My dad is a Marine Drill Instructor and I know he'd kill the homeless man because he hates long hair and beards but my science project is on Reproduction and the man said he'd show me all about how it works. Mommie keeps asking about the funny smell in my room and wondering why I take food back to my room. Should I ask the man to leave?
Fourteen in Detroit
Dear Fourteen,
Wait until late Friday and sneak him into your best friend's house.
Dear Abie,
I am a stay at home dad with nine kids. My wife provides for us (she does something at the pool hall) and in return I do all the child care, cooking, dishes, shopping, laundry, vacuuming, and chauffering around to schools, doctors, boy scouts, dentists, bootcamp, riding lessons, and tattoo parlors and other things as they come up. We have a 13-room house with tennis courts, a pool, a solarium and huge arboretum in back and I have no help keeping it watered, pruned, dusted and in order. At the end of the day I'm exhausted but my wife expects a hot meal and someone to serve it and clean up after dinner. I don't mind this, but at day's end I have to pick up after my wife's used dental floss, dirty tissues (she has sinus problems), empty lipstick containers, soiled undies, used sanitary napkins, and cigar butts, not to mention empty the spittoons, as well. Right now, the blood stains from what she did to the hamster when she lost her temper last night are still on the oriental carpet, and the sauce from her tacos is still on the window from when she lost it last Thursday. At what point does a husband draw the line picking up after his wife? Are wives today responsible for any housework if hubby stays home with the kids?
Tired in Topanga
Dear Topanga,
Apparently you married a woman who has brothers named Nunzio, Augusto, Stefano, Zelindo, Carlo, Mario, Giuseppe, Marcello and Dino, all of whom live either in the same house or across the street. Have you tried enlisting in the Navy?
:Mr.Natural: