Last night I talked to a good friend of mine about intimacy. One most interesting part of the conversation was the fact that she said she does not know what she wants yet. I found this interesting because a few months ago, we both knew exactly what we wanted, where we wanted to go in life, and whom we wanted to be with. I began to question myself and the sincerity of my self love. Do I know myself? Does anyone know themselves? Why would I or anyone else come on here, claim that they know themselves and what they want, only to contradict themselves when asked point blank by a real friend?
If anyone asked me two months ago the questions above? I would have said, I want marriage with the woman that loves me and that I love more than anything besides myself. That I would not share her or be put on the back burner. After Super Bowl, I did not know what I wanted anymore. Whether to dump her or have an open relationship. I did not meet anyone else, she just had deep feelings for someone besides me, and wanted to see if it would play out. She too no longer knew what she wanted. It was a harsh blow to my ego to think that I was being set aside for no other reason than she had never gotten over her ex.
Today, I still don't know what I am looking for. My question is is it conscious to not know what you are looking for and casually bump into peoples lives. I like to think that I do know what I want;however, I don't.
Another friend brought up the idea that no one is happy. I like to think that I am happy, but she said that no we are merely content, and that happiness does involve being with another content person. She said this because she feels that we all mistake happiness and love for contentment. We are content that we are alone and we accept it, yet we are not happy til we share our contentment. It did not make sense and contradicted my concept of independence, until last night. I am beginning to think that we all mistake what it is in our hearts, and tell the world what we want to hear, to change the situation.
What do you want? What do you need?
NudeTea
03-11-2009, 02:03 PM
Your quandary is not uncommon. We have the right to life, the right to liberty, but not to happiness: We only have the right to pursue happiness. It is very elusive and transient by nature.
Changes in life, in attitude, in the knowledge of ones self. We grow. It's not necessarily a change, but a growth.
What do I want? Want do I need you ask. I speak those requests to those who can fulfill it. Otherwise it's often just ramble.
NorseViking869
03-11-2009, 02:51 PM
Now that is an interesting answer. You see I agree with you for the most part, but that is because there are times I think my partner or the person I exchange longing glances at can provide for me what I want and need, only to later find out they themselves have little or nothing to offer despite empty promisses. I do not think it is rambling to be honest and say this is what I want and need. What bothers me is can I (or anyone for that matter) be conscious and still not know what I want or need? Furthermore, Are we ever truely happy alone, or are we merley content?
Your quandary is not uncommon. We have the right to life, the right to liberty, but not to happiness: We only have the right to pursue happiness. It is very elusive and transient by nature.
Changes in life, in attitude, in the knowledge of ones self. We grow. It's not necessarily a change, but a growth.
What do I want? Want do I need you ask. I speak those requests to those who can fulfill it. Otherwise it's often just ramble.
mykil
03-11-2009, 03:10 PM
First off; for me and in my own humble opinion; I know I am not alone! If I though for one moment I was alone in this universe I might not be so happy, yet I am alwayz happy, not just content mind you but truly happy in my everyday life.
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The second part doesn’t sit well for me either. I have never been married and never will. I justify this by telling myself I am on a never ending evolution. Accepting change is a hard bourbon for any one man, yet if you know it is near why fight it! I have known since I was a young lady I would never be content in settling down with one woman and calling it quits. Why make things difficult by telling yourself this is what you want? Maybe this is due to seeing so much divorce and arguing in my life a child, but truly I have to be thankful. I know I will never be alone, for I believe and yes I truly believe we are all one, yet I know I will never settle for just one woman for eternity. Five or six years are plenty for any relationship. I never burn bridges. Meaning I am friends with all my exes that I know about anywayz. Why fight evolution? Why evoke all the drama in your own mind and make unnecessary boundaries for yourself to live by when you truly are just making life more difficult and limited? I live by the rule of really not understanding what I don’t know, yet I know it is there. That is the future and it could change at any given moment in time and we all have to be on our toes in the event something does change for the worst, better, or even the same just different. I am comfortable where I am at with this meaning of the never ending change and the combination of this while living In the now. The past present and future all balled up into one time just so I can see as clearly as possible without seeing standards I might not be able to conform to in the future. Hell I have a hard time making plans for next weekend let alone what I am going to have fro dinner. I have an idea, yet the phone could ring and that could change in a heartbeat.
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Eckhart’s tail of asking a man if he new what he wanted in life and the man sayz I do not know what I want in the future. So Eckhart congratulates him and sayz you are so lucky not to know… The point was the man didn’t waste his life contemplating what he wanted he just lived and accepted… hmmm curious to hear what others might have to say…
shellebelle
03-11-2009, 03:18 PM
Oh Dear! ROFLMAO - One bourbon and you're a young lady!!! Oh my!! You didn't tell me you had that talent!
.... Accepting change is a hard bourbon for any one man, yet if you know it is near why fight it! I have known since I was a young lady I would never be content in settling down with one woman and calling it quits. …
NorseViking869
03-11-2009, 03:23 PM
Funny you mentioned the thing about marriage. One of the things I am working on in my life is the fact that when we put further labels on a relartionship that we also expect new rules on someone we accepted fine until we put the label on them. This too I talked about last night with my dear friend.
First off; for me and in my own humble opinion; I know I am not alone! If I though for one moment I was alone in this universe I might not be so happy, yet I am alwayz happy, not just content mind you but truly happy in my everyday life.
<o:p></o:p>
The second part doesn’t sit well for me either. I have never been married and never will. I justify this by telling myself I am on a never ending evolution. Accepting change is a hard bourbon for any one man, yet if you know it is near why fight it! I have known since I was a young lady I would never be content in settling down with one woman and calling it quits. Why make things difficult by telling yourself this is what you want? Maybe this is due to seeing so much divorce and arguing in my life a child, but truly I have to be thankful. I know I will never be alone, for I believe and yes I truly believe we are all one, yet I know I will never settle for just one woman for eternity. Five or six years are plenty for any relationship. I never burn bridges. Meaning I am friends with all my exes that I know about anywayz. Why fight evolution? Why evoke all the drama in your own mind and make unnecessary boundaries for yourself to live by when you truly are just making life more difficult and limited? I live by the rule of really not understanding what I don’t know, yet I know it is there. That is the future and it could change at any given moment in time and we all have to be on our toes in the event something does change for the worst, better, or even the same just different. I am comfortable where I am at with this meaning of the never ending change and the combination of this while living In the now. The past present and future all balled up into one time just so I can see as clearly as possible without seeing standards I might not be able to conform to in the future. Hell I have a hard time making plans for next weekend let alone what I am going to have fro dinner. I have an idea, yet the phone could ring and that could change in a heartbeat.
<o:p></o:p>
Eckhart’s tail of asking a man if he new what he wanted in life and the man sayz I do not know what I want in the future. So Eckhart congratulates him and sayz you are so lucky not to know… The point was the man didn’t waste his life contemplating what he wanted he just lived and accepted… hmmm curious to hear what others might have to say…
Barry
03-11-2009, 03:42 PM
I think it is often challenging to know what you want/need. And even though you (may think you) know you want X, you may not be really ready for it and/or its not a true desire, but rather a reaction to some conditioning.
I think a more reliable indicator is to watch who/what you are drawn to and who/what is drawn to you and how you feel about it (as much as possible setting aside the evaluation of how it matches up against your checklist). Notice how you are feeling in the moment. Its that paying attention which is "conscious".
I often think that finding what you truly want is is akin to finding a smell in a dark room. Go further in the direction where is seems to be stronger and be prepared to change directions often. And what you want is likely to change over time.
Regarding happiness, I think its individual, each person has their own version of it, while there are lots of things in common, but not required. Sharing with another, creativity, service are common attributes. Being with someone else is neither necessary nor sufficient for happiness, but none the less is often important.
Last night I talked to a good friend of mine about intimacy. ...
NorseViking869
03-11-2009, 11:31 PM
I couldn't agree with you more. I wish more people thought that way in this world. It reminds me of something I said to my ex recently about hiw we were perfect before we labeled each other. Once we did that our relationship would sour. We were perfectrly happy, then out of happiness we would just say we were boyfriend and girlfriend and we would then get into fights over nothing. Living in the moment is the only way to truely be aware of your emotions. What are they at that moment?
I think it is often challenging to know what you want/need. And even though you (may think you) know you want X, you may not be really ready for it and/or its not a true desire, but rather a reaction to some conditioning.
I think a more reliable indicator is to watch who/what you are drawn to and who/what is drawn to you and how you feel about it (as much as possible setting aside the evaluation of how it matches up against your checklist). Notice how you are feeling in the moment. Its that paying attention which is "conscious".
I often think that finding what you truly want is is akin to finding a smell in a dark room. Go further in the direction where is seems to be stronger and be prepared to change directions often. And what you want is likely to change over time.
Regarding happiness, I think its individual, each person has their own version of it, while there are lots of things in common, but not required. Sharing with another, creativity, service are common attributes. Being with someone else is neither necessary nor sufficient for happiness, but none the less is often important.