I'm new to this site and also recently single. I loved someone as much as I loved myself saw my relationship collapse around me like a ton of bricks. I felt (and still feel) as thought I am worthless, week and powerless. I could not save the relationship. Later on I felt lonely and was missing all the small things. I know I deserve better than how I was treated in the end, but I felt like I saw the real ugly side of an otherwise wonderful person. I bargained with myself and and her to try something different, but it did not work. I am giving up my jealousy. I am learning the only person you can truly love is you, and what you give of love is what you create and what you give from a full heart.
I really needed someone to hold me last night, but i had no one. The sad part is, none of this was my fault. Yet i can not blame my ex either. She is who she is. Her life situation is as it us for now, as is mine. I miss her, but I miss all the small things more. The creature comforts no one can provide them selves.
mykil
02-16-2009, 10:36 AM
Love is a shield!
Love is blind!
Welcome into the real world, being able to see past your shield once again is a scary thought eh?
Who cares whose fault it is, are you this petty you need to blame? If you are STOP! Wake and smell the roses. And the others around you!
Love will appear to you again, learn from your past, don’t put up with the same mistakes!
You are not alone!
Nine out of ten people will feel as you do now in their lifetime, get over it and move on!
Did I say you where not alone?
Thank you for sharing your pain, we will all grow for this!
Did you know people in love have the same brain activities as serial killers? Seriously this is true!
Venting is good!
Don’t over estimate your true being!
Give love a chance, love everyone, not just one!
Jealousy is not a virtue; it can only be used against you!
Once you get a hold of your true being it only gets better.
It’s all in YOUR head!
Did I mention you are not alone?
OK welcome to Wacco DudE!
Photoguy
02-16-2009, 11:11 AM
For such a toothy guy Mykil makes some good points. For me, I didn't realize that everything in my life is exactly what I put into it, even stuff that comes flying in from "out there" comes in because I am where I put myself. Yes you are responsible for everything in your life. You can let that eat at you looking for faults and placing blame here and there or you can let it really empower you from this point on. This is not a magical pain cure, but it does give you a great thing to get to know and explore - yourself.
For me, once I found some peace with myself and stopped puting my expectations of what others should be doing on them( I still struggle) I was able to start moving my life in directions I want it to go. Yes you are alone in the responsibility for your life and yes you are connected to everything. The truth that you are connected to all of creation thing starts to come to light. There is true joy ahead for you. Pain and suffering are always temporary and often lead to wonderful things if you don't let them shut you down. Oh yeah and everything you feel is OK, your allowed to feel how you feel- you are an amazing being, as are we all.
:ew:
Welcome to Wacco, this bunch of wierdos is constantly helping me reevaluate my ever changing world.
NorseViking869
02-17-2009, 04:41 PM
Mykil:
I do agree with much of what you said and thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it;however, there are a few parts of your reply I take issues with.
1) Am I this petty to find blame? Absolutely not! I do not blame her nor myself. It just shattered for whatever reason. I hope that she can be happy and not beat herself up over the breakup. I agonize only because she was the one I wanted to grow old with. I do not blame myself nor do I applolgize for my feelings. What happened happened. I thought we could move past it and learn and grow together, rather than grow apart.
2)Jealousy is not a virtue! Who said I was Jealous? I said That I was over jealousy;however, in defence of the seven deadly sins, healthy jealousy can strengthen a relationship rather than tear it apart. I was dumped years ago because I was not jealous. It is all about finding happy medium. If your too jealous you push people into making the choice to enjoy what you are punnishing them for. If your not jealose enough, your partner will think you do not care.
Yes love is blind, I actually went out on a date lastnight and it was wonderful. Do I still miss my ex? I miss her not what she represents. It was all the small things. Despite her flaws, she is unique and her wonderful qualities far out way her flaws. I have enough love in my heart for myself to give the world. Maybe I can reconnect with my ex, maybe I won't. It depends on time, place and if we both feel the same way. Right now I am enjoying being single again. Something I did not enjoy just a few short days ago.
Love is a shield!
Love is blind!
Welcome into the real world, being able to see past your shield once again is a scary thought eh?
Who cares whose fault it is, are you this petty you need to blame? If you are STOP! Wake and smell the roses. And the others around you!
Love will appear to you again, learn from your past, don’t put up with the same mistakes!
You are not alone!
Nine out of ten people will feel as you do now in their lifetime, get over it and move on!
Did I say you where not alone?
Thank you for sharing your pain, we will all grow for this!
Did you know people in love have the same brain activities as serial killers? Seriously this is true!
Venting is good!
Don’t over estimate your true being!
Give love a chance, love everyone, not just one!
Jealousy is not a virtue; it can only be used against you!
Once you get a hold of your true being it only gets better.
It’s all in YOUR head!
Did I mention you are not alone?
OK welcome to Wacco DudE!
MsTerry
02-17-2009, 09:57 PM
I miss her not what she represents. It was all the small things.
Viking,
you mentioned before that you miss all the small things and not her.
That is quite the statement, even though I don't know what that means.
What small things are you talking about ???
For me it is usually the big things that matter and the small things are nice highlights.
I guess what you are trying to relate is that you didn't really care about the woman but you enjoyed the attention she gave you.
That makes me feel like it was a good thing you two broke up.
PeriodThree
02-17-2009, 10:29 PM
MsTerry,
I interpreted him a little differently. My sense was that in breaking up he expected the Big Things to hurt, and they do hurt, but that he had not considered, or prepared, to miss all of those small things.
In a way we can prepare for the big things - we can know what they are, and if not prepare, at least be aware of them.
But the small things sort of sneak in. You don't think about them, and so when you notice them they have more power for having snuck in 'under the radar.'
At least - that is how I am interpreting his focus on the small things.
(btw I am still in awe over your response to rockets into Israel, it struck me as the best thing I have ever read on wacco)
Cheers,
Rich
Viking,
you mentioned before that you miss all the small things and not her.
That is quite the statement, even though I don't know what that means.
What small things are you talking about ???
For me it is usually the big things that matter and the small things are nice highlights.
I guess what you are trying to relate is that you didn't really care about the woman but you enjoyed the attention she gave you.
That makes me feel like it was a good thing you two broke up.
mykil
02-17-2009, 11:00 PM
I can truly appreciate you getting back out there and having fun again. Congrats.
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I do not agree with you jealousy theory though! Once I truly could let go of my jealous intuition I really learned to evolve. If I am jealous I cannot and will not be a happy person. If you are even a tab bit jealous toward your partner than you do not have trust in a relationship! I have learned to accept my partner for whoever they may be. If they feel compelled to have sexual relations with another than by all means, if they assume I am going to stop them in a jealous rage, they obviously don’t know me! I want them to be happy. I am alwayz happy and they deserve this as well. Whatever my partner needs is all right with me. I will only happy if they are flirting and someone is also flirting with them! Who am I to try and control this? I am my own person and they are theirs. I am not a controlling freak at this point in my life. Believe me it is hard to let go, but once you do you are free! I am free! Not being jealous of anything in this life will only set one free! My two cents on that subject :2cents:! P~E~A~C~E
MsTerry
02-18-2009, 12:24 AM
MsTerry,
I interpreted him a little differently. My sense was that in breaking up he expected the Big Things to hurt, and they do hurt, but that he had not considered, or prepared, to miss all of those small things.
In a way we can prepare for the big things - we can know what they are, and if not prepare, at least be aware of them.
But the small things sort of sneak in. You don't think about them, and so when you notice them they have more power for having snuck in 'under the radar.'
At least - that is how I am interpreting his focus on the small things.
I do like that interpretation, but when I read this
I miss her, but I miss all the small things more.
I am hearing someone who is more involved with having a relationship rather than having a relationship with someone.
ps
(btw I am still in awe over your response to rockets into Israel, it struck me as the best thing I have ever read on wacco)
Cheers,
Rich
:blush::blush::blush:
NorseViking869
02-18-2009, 08:25 PM
Ms. Terri:
I can appreciate where your coming from. I do miss her very much. What I meant by what I said so that there is no more misunderstandings, I miss the times and things we did that are unique to her and I. moments and little quirks that were hers alone. The small little daily events like cooking meals for each other. inside jokes that only she and I would get, so on and so forth. It is not having a relationship I am missing. It is her and the little things that went along with our relationship. I could always have another relationship. I miss the relationship I had with her, because of the small things.
wunda
02-18-2009, 09:45 PM
Wow, I can relate to most of what you said here Norse. The small things are the hardest to get through.. the little ache that comes from the memory of your time together as you encounter random or passive things in the course of your routine.
And the addage "time heals all wounds" just seems so daft, so pointless, so far away from the the heart ache.
My advice? (Not that you asked for it) Well, I'd follow Mykil's.. it is pretty sound. (okay the next few replies to this thread are going to be challenging my conclusion that Mykil is sound, but ignore those. Sometimes, even he is right!)
Mykil wrote:
Love will appear to you again, learn from your past, don’t put up with the same mistakes!
You are not alone!
and Mykil wrote this lil nugget too:
Venting is good!
Don’t over estimate your true being!
Give love a chance, love everyone, not just one!
Jealousy is not a virtue; it can only be used against you!
Once you get a hold of your true being it only gets better.
Or, you could always go with a lil' Mark Twain philosophy:
A man who swings a cat by the tail will learn something he could in no other way.
At any rate, thanks for your bravery in sharing your heart with this community.
MsTerry
02-20-2009, 03:47 PM
I think you miss her more than you are willing to admit...............
Ms. Terri:
I can appreciate where your coming from. I do miss her very much. What I meant by what I said so that there is no more misunderstandings, I miss the times and things we did that are unique to her and I. moments and little quirks that were hers alone. The small little daily events like cooking meals for each other. inside jokes that only she and I would get, so on and so forth. It is not having a relationship I am missing. It is her and the little things that went along with our relationship. I could always have another relationship. I miss the relationship I had with her, because of the small things.
NorseViking869
02-20-2009, 03:53 PM
Honesty, yes I do. Unfortunately that boat has sailed and i do not even have her friendship. I will say though that I am grateful for all I learned in the relationship. I just thought I'd be in the journey for the long haul, not that we would have served our purposes in each others lives so soon. 2 years may not seem so long for some and too long for others.
I think you miss her more than you are willing to admit...............
pjpete
03-11-2009, 11:45 AM
I don't think that attempting to find love on the internet is really the realistic way to go in life........:hmmm:
Love is a shield!
Love is blind!
Welcome into the real world, being able to see past your shield once again is a scary thought eh?
Who cares whose fault it is, are you this petty you need to blame? If you are STOP! Wake and smell the roses. And the others around you!
Love will appear to you again, learn from your past, don’t put up with the same mistakes!
You are not alone!
Nine out of ten people will feel as you do now in their lifetime, get over it and move on!
Did I say you where not alone?
Thank you for sharing your pain, we will all grow for this!
Did you know people in love have the same brain activities as serial killers? Seriously this is true!
Venting is good!
Don’t over estimate your true being!
Give love a chance, love everyone, not just one!
Jealousy is not a virtue; it can only be used against you!
Once you get a hold of your true being it only gets better.
It’s all in YOUR head!
Did I mention you are not alone?
OK welcome to Wacco DudE!