wbreitman
01-05-2009, 03:21 PM
https://www.waccobb.net/forums/cid:[email protected]<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST<o:p></o:p>
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. <o:p></o:p>
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.<o:p></o:p>
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.<o:p></o:p>
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.<o:p></o:p>
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Keep reading-they get better!!!<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
WOMEN'S REVENGE<o:p></o:p>
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. <o:p></o:p>
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.<o:p></o:p>
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. <o:p></o:p>
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, <o:p></o:p>
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..' <o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN<o:p></o:p>
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)<o:p></o:p>
I know I'm not going to understand women.<o:p></o:p>
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, <o:p></o:p>
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, <o:p></o:p>
and still be afraid of a spider.<o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
MARRIAGE SEMINAR<o:p></o:p>
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, <o:p></o:p>
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, <o:p></o:p>
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.' <o:p></o:p>
He addressed the man, <o:p></o:p>
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?' <o:p></o:p>
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it? <o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS<o:p></o:p>
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. <o:p></o:p>
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.. <o:p></o:p>
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. <o:p></o:p>
She directs him down the correct aisle. <o:p></o:p>
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.<o:p></o:p>
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? <o:p></o:p>
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store <o:p></o:p>
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco <o:p></o:p>
and some rollingpapers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.<o:p></o:p>
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........ so does she.. <o:p></o:p>
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!) <o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
WIFE VS. HUSBAND<o:p></o:p>
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. <o:p></o:p>
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and <o:p></o:p>
neither of them wanted to concede their position. <o:p></o:p>
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, <o:p></o:p>
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' <o:p></o:p>
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' <o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
WORDS<o:p></o:p>
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... <o:p></o:p>
30,000 to a man's 15,000.<o:p></o:p>
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... <o:p></o:p>
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' <o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
CREATION <o:p></o:p>
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be <o:p></o:p>
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. <o:p></o:p>
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. <o:p></o:p>
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; <o:p></o:p>
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !<o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
WHO DOES WHAT<o:p></o:p>
A man and his wife were having an argument about who <o:p></o:p>
should brew the coffee each morning.<o:p></o:p>
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, <o:p></o:p>
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. <o:p></o:p>
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and <o:p></o:p>
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' <o:p></o:p>
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' <o:p></o:p>
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' <o:p></o:p>
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'<o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
The Silent Treatment<o:p></o:p>
A man and his wife were having some problems at home <o:p></o:p>
and were giving each other the silent treatment.<o:p></o:p>
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him <o:p></o:p>
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.<o:p></o:p>
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, <o:p></o:p>
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM 'He left it where he knew she would find it.<o:p></o:p>
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go andsee why his wife hadn't wakened him,<o:p></o:p>
when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed. <o:p></o:p>
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.' <o:p></o:p>
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.<o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece<o:p></o:p>
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST<o:p></o:p>
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. <o:p></o:p>
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.<o:p></o:p>
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.<o:p></o:p>
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.<o:p></o:p>
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Keep reading-they get better!!!<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
WOMEN'S REVENGE<o:p></o:p>
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. <o:p></o:p>
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.<o:p></o:p>
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. <o:p></o:p>
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, <o:p></o:p>
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..' <o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN<o:p></o:p>
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)<o:p></o:p>
I know I'm not going to understand women.<o:p></o:p>
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, <o:p></o:p>
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, <o:p></o:p>
and still be afraid of a spider.<o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
MARRIAGE SEMINAR<o:p></o:p>
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, <o:p></o:p>
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, <o:p></o:p>
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.' <o:p></o:p>
He addressed the man, <o:p></o:p>
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?' <o:p></o:p>
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it? <o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS<o:p></o:p>
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. <o:p></o:p>
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.. <o:p></o:p>
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. <o:p></o:p>
She directs him down the correct aisle. <o:p></o:p>
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.<o:p></o:p>
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? <o:p></o:p>
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store <o:p></o:p>
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco <o:p></o:p>
and some rollingpapers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.<o:p></o:p>
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........ so does she.. <o:p></o:p>
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!) <o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
WIFE VS. HUSBAND<o:p></o:p>
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. <o:p></o:p>
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and <o:p></o:p>
neither of them wanted to concede their position. <o:p></o:p>
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, <o:p></o:p>
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' <o:p></o:p>
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' <o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
WORDS<o:p></o:p>
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... <o:p></o:p>
30,000 to a man's 15,000.<o:p></o:p>
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... <o:p></o:p>
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' <o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
CREATION <o:p></o:p>
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be <o:p></o:p>
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. <o:p></o:p>
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. <o:p></o:p>
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; <o:p></o:p>
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !<o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
WHO DOES WHAT<o:p></o:p>
A man and his wife were having an argument about who <o:p></o:p>
should brew the coffee each morning.<o:p></o:p>
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, <o:p></o:p>
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. <o:p></o:p>
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and <o:p></o:p>
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' <o:p></o:p>
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' <o:p></o:p>
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' <o:p></o:p>
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'<o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
The Silent Treatment<o:p></o:p>
A man and his wife were having some problems at home <o:p></o:p>
and were giving each other the silent treatment.<o:p></o:p>
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him <o:p></o:p>
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.<o:p></o:p>
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, <o:p></o:p>
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM 'He left it where he knew she would find it.<o:p></o:p>
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go andsee why his wife hadn't wakened him,<o:p></o:p>
when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed. <o:p></o:p>
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.' <o:p></o:p>
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.<o:p></o:p>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=2>
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece<o:p></o:p>