decterlove
11-12-2008, 07:08 PM
Famous Dating Speech #63
"As I begin, I want to thank Bill Gates for his work in the cause of Online Dating."
"And I thank Steve Jobs for making computers with cute little icons on the screen,
and for software programs like iMac, iLife, iPhone, iPhoto, iHop, and iDate and iCalledyoulastweekandleftamessageonyourcellphoneandyouneverevenreturnedmycallyoudirtyratbastard."
"I am honored and humbled to stand here, where so many of America's leaders have dated before me, and so many will follow. "
"We all have a place, all of us, in a long story--a story we continue, but whose end we will not see. It is the story of two people that meet accidentally at a video store, or a bar, or a FastMart, or maybe outside a Library restroom, and find that special connection, and start spending money on each other and stimulating the economy on special days of the year, share cinema, drink cheap wine, and feed the pigeons in the park, walk hand in hand on the beach, and scrub the tar off of each other's Nikes, and finally may indeed actually begin admitting that they are indeed in a RELATIONSHIP."
"A relationship that one day may became a servant of freedom, a servant of a power that went into the world to charm, but not possess, to possess, but not to conquer, to conquer, but not divorce, to divorce, but not to manipulate, and to manipulate, but not to extract revenge and extricate themselves from the possibilities of truly finding love again in the online dating community."
"It is a quintessential American story--a story of flawed, fallible, and in some cases, undatable people, people with noses too large for their faces, people who seriously need cosmetic enhancements, people who use too many skin creams, and purchase dumbbells and exercise equipment that wind up being sold at garage sales, united across vast generations, by grand and enduring sexual fantasies and illusions."
"Illusions based on Ken and Barbie, Tom and Katie, David and Courtney, Nick and Jessica (ooops, scratch Nick and Jessica!), Brad and Jolie, Eminem and Kim (oooops, scratch Eminem and Kim!), Paul and Heather (ooooops, back way up, where am I getting this rss feed from anyway? 50 million buckaroos--geez! that's like a million bucks a ______!), and turbocharged by the Billion dollar Romance Novel industry and sleazy male publications with names such as Hustle Her Today, Just Fat Legs, Hot Chicks with Messed Up Hairdos, and Spread 'Em Doll Just Like My Dad Always Promised You Would."
"The grandest of these ideals is an unfolding American promise that everyone belongs, everyone deserves a chance, everyone should be able to afford to date the person of their Dreams, and that no insignificant person was ever born that does not deserve at least One Date on a Saturday Night."
"Americans are now called to enact this promise in our dating lives and in our dating laws. And though our nation has sometimes stalled, and sometimes rescheduled, sometimes cancelled dates, we must follow no other course."
"Through much of the previous last half century, America's faith in dating and democracy was a Dating Rock in a Raging Dating Sea. Now it is a seed upon the wind, a seed dispersed too carelessly while sitting in front of countless flatscreen computer monitors and laptops, a seed that finds it's way into the rivers where the trout breed and fish swim who have sought other fish to breed with, and thus restore our nations supply of fish, and plenty that we eat on our dates, sometimes, and thus is it a story for all who attempt to swim upstream against the current of single-dom in the kingdom."
"Our dating faith is more than the creed of our country, it is the inborn hope of finding humanity in our partnership, an ideal that we carry in our purses and our wallets but do not own, a trust we bear and pass along to our younger sisters and brothers."
"While many of our citizens prosper, others doubt the promise the promise of Internet Dating, even the justice, of our own Malls and Universities. The ambitions of some Americans are limited by failing Automobiles and living with their parents, and the circumstances of their own birth control. And sometimes our differences run so deep, it seems we share incontinence, but not a satisfying and further embraceable union. "
"We do not accept this, and we will not allow it. Our unity, our union, combating our onion, garlic and sour cream breath, is the serious work of leaders, legislators, and citizens in every generation. And this is my solemn pledge: I will work to build a singles nation of justice and dating opportunity. "
"I know this is in our reach because we are guided by a power larger than ourselves who creates us equal in His Own Dating Image. And we are confident in principles that unite and lead us online and onward towards the dating ideals so passionately embraced by our Founding Fathers who did not flounder in their proflicacy of finding their own dating partners in a fledging Nation where singles were often isolated by time, distance, and the inefficiency of the U.S. Mail, not to mention no Yahoo. "
"Americans have never dated by blood or birth or tribal rituals. We are bound by ideals that move us beyond our backgrounds, lift us above our own purient interests and teach us what it means to be citizens who date. Every child must be taught these principles by the age of twelve despite what some Creationists believe. Every citizen must uphold their rights to birth control, nutritional information on fast food, and red roses free from aphids but also free from toxic pesticides that may poison our cherished and favored amours. And every immigrant, by embracing these ideals, makes our country more, not less, of a grand dating pool. "
"I therefore ask the Congress, above and beyond the increases I have earlier requested for dating activities, to provide the funds which are needed to meet the following national emergency dating goals:"
"First, I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of getting a date for a man on the Moon, and returning him safely with his chosen companion to the Earth. No single space project in this period will be more impressive to mankind, or more important for the long-range exploration of dating space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish. "
"We propose additional funds for other personal development and for unmanned explorations as well for women of special character and proclivity--explorations which are particularly important for one purpose which this nation will never overlook: the survival of the man and the woman, or the woman and the woman, or the man and the man, or the two men and the woman, or the three women who first make possible this dating flight. "
"This decision demands a major national commitment of scientific and technical manpower, material and facilities, and the possibility of gender diversifications not yet dreamed of by the American People. It means a degree of dedication, organization and discipline which have not always characterized our research and dating efforts. It means we cannot afford undue dating stoppages, inflated costs of roses or restaurant taxes, continued high gas prices, wasteful inter-gender rivalries, or a high turnover of key dating personnel."
"In closing I beseech every Eligible and not-so-Eligible American, To ask not what Dating in Your Country Can Do for You-------Ask Who You Can Do for Dating in Your Country!"
<table> <tbody><tr> <td>
</td> <td>
</td> </tr> <tr> <td>
</td> <td>
</td> </tr> </tbody></table>
"As I begin, I want to thank Bill Gates for his work in the cause of Online Dating."
"And I thank Steve Jobs for making computers with cute little icons on the screen,
and for software programs like iMac, iLife, iPhone, iPhoto, iHop, and iDate and iCalledyoulastweekandleftamessageonyourcellphoneandyouneverevenreturnedmycallyoudirtyratbastard."
"I am honored and humbled to stand here, where so many of America's leaders have dated before me, and so many will follow. "
"We all have a place, all of us, in a long story--a story we continue, but whose end we will not see. It is the story of two people that meet accidentally at a video store, or a bar, or a FastMart, or maybe outside a Library restroom, and find that special connection, and start spending money on each other and stimulating the economy on special days of the year, share cinema, drink cheap wine, and feed the pigeons in the park, walk hand in hand on the beach, and scrub the tar off of each other's Nikes, and finally may indeed actually begin admitting that they are indeed in a RELATIONSHIP."
"A relationship that one day may became a servant of freedom, a servant of a power that went into the world to charm, but not possess, to possess, but not to conquer, to conquer, but not divorce, to divorce, but not to manipulate, and to manipulate, but not to extract revenge and extricate themselves from the possibilities of truly finding love again in the online dating community."
"It is a quintessential American story--a story of flawed, fallible, and in some cases, undatable people, people with noses too large for their faces, people who seriously need cosmetic enhancements, people who use too many skin creams, and purchase dumbbells and exercise equipment that wind up being sold at garage sales, united across vast generations, by grand and enduring sexual fantasies and illusions."
"Illusions based on Ken and Barbie, Tom and Katie, David and Courtney, Nick and Jessica (ooops, scratch Nick and Jessica!), Brad and Jolie, Eminem and Kim (oooops, scratch Eminem and Kim!), Paul and Heather (ooooops, back way up, where am I getting this rss feed from anyway? 50 million buckaroos--geez! that's like a million bucks a ______!), and turbocharged by the Billion dollar Romance Novel industry and sleazy male publications with names such as Hustle Her Today, Just Fat Legs, Hot Chicks with Messed Up Hairdos, and Spread 'Em Doll Just Like My Dad Always Promised You Would."
"The grandest of these ideals is an unfolding American promise that everyone belongs, everyone deserves a chance, everyone should be able to afford to date the person of their Dreams, and that no insignificant person was ever born that does not deserve at least One Date on a Saturday Night."
"Americans are now called to enact this promise in our dating lives and in our dating laws. And though our nation has sometimes stalled, and sometimes rescheduled, sometimes cancelled dates, we must follow no other course."
"Through much of the previous last half century, America's faith in dating and democracy was a Dating Rock in a Raging Dating Sea. Now it is a seed upon the wind, a seed dispersed too carelessly while sitting in front of countless flatscreen computer monitors and laptops, a seed that finds it's way into the rivers where the trout breed and fish swim who have sought other fish to breed with, and thus restore our nations supply of fish, and plenty that we eat on our dates, sometimes, and thus is it a story for all who attempt to swim upstream against the current of single-dom in the kingdom."
"Our dating faith is more than the creed of our country, it is the inborn hope of finding humanity in our partnership, an ideal that we carry in our purses and our wallets but do not own, a trust we bear and pass along to our younger sisters and brothers."
"While many of our citizens prosper, others doubt the promise the promise of Internet Dating, even the justice, of our own Malls and Universities. The ambitions of some Americans are limited by failing Automobiles and living with their parents, and the circumstances of their own birth control. And sometimes our differences run so deep, it seems we share incontinence, but not a satisfying and further embraceable union. "
"We do not accept this, and we will not allow it. Our unity, our union, combating our onion, garlic and sour cream breath, is the serious work of leaders, legislators, and citizens in every generation. And this is my solemn pledge: I will work to build a singles nation of justice and dating opportunity. "
"I know this is in our reach because we are guided by a power larger than ourselves who creates us equal in His Own Dating Image. And we are confident in principles that unite and lead us online and onward towards the dating ideals so passionately embraced by our Founding Fathers who did not flounder in their proflicacy of finding their own dating partners in a fledging Nation where singles were often isolated by time, distance, and the inefficiency of the U.S. Mail, not to mention no Yahoo. "
"Americans have never dated by blood or birth or tribal rituals. We are bound by ideals that move us beyond our backgrounds, lift us above our own purient interests and teach us what it means to be citizens who date. Every child must be taught these principles by the age of twelve despite what some Creationists believe. Every citizen must uphold their rights to birth control, nutritional information on fast food, and red roses free from aphids but also free from toxic pesticides that may poison our cherished and favored amours. And every immigrant, by embracing these ideals, makes our country more, not less, of a grand dating pool. "
"I therefore ask the Congress, above and beyond the increases I have earlier requested for dating activities, to provide the funds which are needed to meet the following national emergency dating goals:"
"First, I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of getting a date for a man on the Moon, and returning him safely with his chosen companion to the Earth. No single space project in this period will be more impressive to mankind, or more important for the long-range exploration of dating space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish. "
"We propose additional funds for other personal development and for unmanned explorations as well for women of special character and proclivity--explorations which are particularly important for one purpose which this nation will never overlook: the survival of the man and the woman, or the woman and the woman, or the man and the man, or the two men and the woman, or the three women who first make possible this dating flight. "
"This decision demands a major national commitment of scientific and technical manpower, material and facilities, and the possibility of gender diversifications not yet dreamed of by the American People. It means a degree of dedication, organization and discipline which have not always characterized our research and dating efforts. It means we cannot afford undue dating stoppages, inflated costs of roses or restaurant taxes, continued high gas prices, wasteful inter-gender rivalries, or a high turnover of key dating personnel."
"In closing I beseech every Eligible and not-so-Eligible American, To ask not what Dating in Your Country Can Do for You-------Ask Who You Can Do for Dating in Your Country!"
<table> <tbody><tr> <td>
</td> <td>
</td> </tr> <tr> <td>
</td> <td>
</td> </tr> </tbody></table>