my daughter and i have had a major falling out. she has disowned me and forbids me to visit her new baby or my other 3 grandchildren ages 9 to 12 due to the fact that i am biased against her good for nothing boyfriend who I clash with due to the fact that hes a mooch and untrustworthy, a thief and loudmouth insulting disrespectful piece of work. shall i accept the banishment or fight ? advice appreciated.
Lenny
08-03-2008, 12:10 PM
I am sorry, but I believe there is no legal recourse.
Or at least from the information you have given. If the lout is on probation or parole there are methods of remedy by petitioning the authorities, but I assume she is over 18 and is an adult. When you mention "disowned", I can only think of that as a legal matter, so your recourse via the courts has been dealt with and you are out.
Be sure to send holiday cards to your grandchildren, as she can't stop that, and I would put in $5.00 when you could. Great if they get the mail. If the kids are on the internet, you could try Facebook or My Space or one of the other social contact thingys.
As a confirmed MCP I may wonder aloud that she may feel she "needs a man" for herself and the kids and is willing to put up with this lousy fellow, and you can only hope and pray she'll come to her senses. If there's dope or booze on the table, it will take longer. If so, is an intervention in order?
I know, kids can break hearts. The kind of counseling that could help you need not come from a lawyer.
Hummingbear
08-03-2008, 10:08 PM
my daughter and i have had a major falling out. she has disowned me and forbids me to visit her new baby or my other 3 grandchildren ages 9 to 12 due to the fact that i am biased against her good for nothing boyfriend who I clash with due to the fact that hes a mooch and untrustworthy, a thief and loudmouth insulting disrespectful piece of work. shall i accept the banishment or fight ? advice appreciated.
Neither banishment nor conflict will improve your relationship with your grandchildren, AFAICS. Why let a good-for-nothing bf ruin the rest of your relationships? Ignore the lout, apologize to your daughter for trying to interfere with her family life, and try to set things right with her.
The less you complain about the bf, the sooner she will stop defending him and improve her own judgment. If you are patient and uncomplaining, you will eventually have of satisfaction of hearing your daughter thank you for being there to support her, after she gets sick of the bum.
djmama
08-03-2008, 10:46 PM
Another suggestion: Recourse Mediation. This is a non-profit in Santa Rosa that works on a sliding scale. 525-8545. Briefly, if you and your daughter are both willing to show up, they will facilitate a conversation between you; it will be structured so that both of you get to say what you have to say to each other. There is a structure to help you both actually hear what the other is saying and understand their point of view. Then, there is an opportunity and help to make agreements. The mediators don't make rulings. The agreements, if any, will be what you and your daughter design together.
They can explain it a lot better than I, so I hope that you call them. Best wishes.
Malene
08-06-2008, 11:10 AM
Hey Lenny,
Sorry to hear about this falling out with your daughter.
I agree with Hummingbear though. Maybe the bf is a nasty piece of work, and maybe you are right - but its not worth losing your daughter.
Nagging her about her choice in bf is not going to improve your relationship. She is an adult and has the right to make her own decisions no matter what you think of them.
Eventhough your feedback to her comes from caring and concern it is doing damage, and I am sure that is the last thing you intended.
Save the relationship with your daughter and grandkids. Focus on them - not on him.
Maybe even find a professional to help you two communicate more effectively. I know of one excellent mediator if you are interested I can connect you him. There are also options for therapists etc.
Good Luck -
I will have a good thought your way.
Malene
I am sorry, but I believe there is no legal recourse.
Or at least from the information you have given. If the lout is on probation or parole there are methods of remedy by petitioning the authorities, but I assume she is over 18 and is an adult. When you mention "disowned", I can only think of that as a legal matter, so your recourse via the courts has been dealt with and you are out.
Be sure to send holiday cards to your grandchildren, as she can't stop that, and I would put in $5.00 when you could. Great if they get the mail. If the kids are on the internet, you could try Facebook or My Space or one of the other social contact thingys.
As a confirmed MCP I may wonder aloud that she may feel she "needs a man" for herself and the kids and is willing to put up with this lousy fellow, and you can only hope and pray she'll come to her senses. If there's dope or booze on the table, it will take longer. If so, is an intervention in order?
I know, kids can break hearts. The kind of counseling that could help you need not come from a lawyer.