Men

[Lorrie]

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)


2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM
TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)


4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butthole and they vapor lock)


5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)


6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)


7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)


8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)


One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine ?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'


A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'


'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

[PeriodThree]

Why isn't this recognized as the simple misandry which it is?

[Sylph]

Why isn't this recognized as the simple misandry which it is?
I knew, it, now they're whining about 'misandry'!!

[Lorrie]

Why isn't this recognized as the simple misandry which it is?


You are free to recongnize this anyway you want....If it makes you happy to catagorize...



But they are only jokes...to be taken lightly..and snicker at a little...

My UNCLE sent it I thought they were funny...Thought out of the 5000 people on here someone else might too.

[PeriodThree]

Oh, I guess I missed the part where it wasn't sexist hate speech when they were 'funny' jokes about men.

Seriously, promoting hate seems wrong to me. Not at all 'conscious community.'


You are free to recongnize this anyway you want....If it makes you happy to catagorize...



But they are only jokes...to be taken lightly..and snicker at a little...

My UNCLE sent it I thought they were funny...Thought out of the 5000 people on here someone else might too.

[Lorrie]

Jeesh! RELAX!!! Wasn't meant to be serious!!!

If I should be reacting to it the way you have reacted to it, then what do I do about this email I received from my best friend:


Once you have opened this e-mail, there's no turning back.
Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs.
Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line. This is the real deal, try ignoring or changing it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there. Remember, if you are on the cusp of another sign you most likely will have features of both signs...which may lead you into total confusion...

Then it proceeds to have the different signs and how many years bad luck I would have....(BTW I am Sag and I will have 12 years of bad luck)
Just so you know I am going to suck up the 12 years of bad luck by NOT forwarding the email to anyone...
A day in the life of.....
Chill period


Oh, I guess I missed the part where it wasn't sexist hate speech when they were 'funny' jokes about men.

Seriously, promoting hate seems wrong to me. Not at all 'conscious community.'

[Sylph]

Oh, I guess I missed the part where it wasn't sexist hate speech when they were 'funny' jokes about men.

Seriously, promoting hate seems wrong to me. Not at all 'conscious community.'

I thought the jokes were funny and I'll probably forward them.

Seriously, back at 'cha, if the jokes were about women there probably would be a great outcry against them! It's a bit of a double standard, I know, but women do have the history of oppression, yada yada....Who else can we make fun of, now but white men?

[PeriodThree]

That's cool - go at it. Make fun of white men, they deserve it.

But it feels pretty disgusting to me. It feels like, oh yeah, hate speech.


I thought the jokes were funny and I'll probably forward them.

Seriously, back at 'cha, if the jokes were about women there probably would be a great outcry against them! It's a bit of a double standard, I know, but women do have the history of oppression, yada yada....Who else can we make fun of, now but white men?

[Lenny]

Why isn't this recognized as the simple misandry which it is?

Well, PT. aren't you a barrel 'o laughs.
So, give us a joke, something you find funny. Don't be shy.

[MsTerry]

LOLenny,
Maybe that should be the new standard, tell a joke or you're out!


Well, PT. aren't you a barrel 'o laughs.
So, give us a joke, something you find funny. Don't be shy.

[PeriodThree]

So the bathroom door on the plane had been locked for a long time. In spite of repeated knocking, and a long line, the person inside refused to come out.

There were bumps and sounds coming from inside, so they knew the occupant wasn't dead, but WTF!

Finally the door opened and two people exited. They were both flushed and disheveled with that freshly fornicated look which (mostly) we all find attractive.

The flight attendant was unamused and sternly asked "Were you _two_ smoking in there?"

They both looked down in a feigned look of embarrasment, coupled with a hint of pride, and one looked up and said "I don't know, we didn't look."




Well, PT. aren't you a barrel 'o laughs.
So, give us a joke, something you find funny. Don't be shy.

[PeriodThree]

Everything was going fine on the flight until a loud explosion occurred and the captain came on to say "sorry folks, but it looks like we are going to crash. We can limp along for another 30 minutes, but then we are going down. A lot of you are going to die. Sorry about that.

There was an obvious undercurrent of panic in the passengers, when one
Womon stood up, looked around, and said in a firm and confidant voice 'I want to feel like a real Womon one last time before I possibly die." She looked at one man and said how about you?

The guy felt a bit of performance pressure, but said okay, and stood up and took his shirt off. He looked at it for a moment, sort of puzzled, then he laughed.

"What is so funny?" the empowered Womon asked?

"It is just that the way my uncle used to tell me this joke the punchline had me handing you the shirt and saying 'you want to feel like a real woman? Iron this!' I knew my uncle was a sexist asshole, but I didn't realize until now just how stupid he really was! Having hot and frantic 'we might be about to die' sex while our plane crashes is a hell of a lot hotter and more fun than wasting time making yet another dumbass sexist joke."

And then they had hot sex, and other passengers followed their model, and in a miracle of sorts the pilot was able to pull off a slicker than dear guts on the doorknob landing and everyone was saved, and they all went on the national talk show circuit to talk about how inspiring sex is, and so near catastrophe was turned into a world saving sex enhancing learning moment for the world.




Well, PT. aren't you a barrel 'o laughs.
So, give us a joke, something you find funny. Don't be shy.

[Braggi]

... and so near catastrophe was turned into a world saving sex enhancing learning moment for the world.

Pretty good save, PT. The joke wasn't very funny the other way.

-Jeff

PS. It is OK to be consistent and spell it: woman. Some folks have broken spelling checkers.

[PeriodThree]

I think spelling it 'Woman' will cause Moon to call me a misogynist.


Pretty good save, PT. The joke wasn't very funny the other way.

-Jeff

PS. It is OK to be consistent and spell it: woman. Some folks have broken spelling checkers.

[Lenny]

So the bathroom door on the plane had been locked for a long time. In spite of repeated knocking, and a long line, the person inside refused to come out.
There were bumps and sounds coming from inside, so they knew the occupant wasn't dead, but WTF!
Finally the door opened and two people exited. They were both flushed and disheveled with that freshly fornicated look which (mostly) we all find attractive.
The flight attendant was unamused and sternly asked "Were you _two_ smoking in there?"
They both looked down in a feigned look of embarrasment, coupled with a hint of pride, and one looked up and said "I don't know, we didn't look."

What a terrible thing! I mean to take the most intimate, communicative act we, as human beings (and that is what we all aspire to, is it not?) and desecrate it by showing off our base, animal nature! And then to flaunt the situation onto every person on that plane that HAD to use the restroom. Those two did not HAVE to do that act, but all on the plane MUST use the restroom.
More selfish, inconsiderate and banal attempt to take animal lust over basic human needs!
May we all hold our hands over this keyboard and swear never to laugh again at anything such as this!
Bada boom!
Have every kind of day you can today.

[alanora]

These are classics. They take stereotypical beliefs about the male gender and expound upon them, actually exposing the idiocy of the belief! Number four still tickles me, and can cause me to laugh out loud when remembered, no matter my location. More of a functional anatomy thing rather than a male bashing thing me thinks.






4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butthole and they vapor lock)

[Lorrie]

These are classics. They take stereotypical beliefs about the male gender and expound upon them, actually exposing the idiocy of the belief! Number four still tickles me, and can cause me to laugh out loud when remembered, no matter my location. More of a functional anatomy thing rather than a male bashing thing me thinks.






4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butthole and they vapor lock)

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

[mykil]

MY GOD WOMAN ARE SOOO FUCKING SLOWWWWWWW LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING! I like posted the woman version of this like a year ago!!@!!!!! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! stupid ole......

[Sylph]

MY GOD WOMAN ARE SOOO FUCKING SLOWWWWWWW LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING! I like posted the woman version of this like a year ago!!@!!!!! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! stupid ole......

And did you get in Big Trouble?? Did the women jump all over you for being misogynist?

[mykil]

ohhhhhhhhhyeahhhhhhhhhhh DID THEY? AND HOW! Twas funny as all frigging hell. I ahve been trying for a cuople of dayz for soemone to cal me a ..... LMFAO!!!!! No one will take my bait. I cna't even get MZ.T to bite....

[Lorrie]

MY GOD WOMAN ARE SOOO FUCKING SLOWWWWWWW LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING! I like posted the woman version of this like a year ago!!@!!!!! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! stupid ole......

Thank you Mykil
I think I started that one too! I posted similar jokes about men and then you posted jokes about women that were kinda the same....
I am going to look for them!
People are very sensitive...:wink:

[Lorrie]

Here they are:
https://www.waccobb.net/forums/showthread.php?t=21513 (https://www.waccobb.net/forums/showthread.php?t=21513)