wbreitman
06-13-2008, 04:24 PM
These have been around the Net for awhile, but they still boggle the mind!
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
A <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Washington</st1:City>, <st1:State w:st="on">DC</st1:State></st1:place>, airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our
country is in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her
hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Cape
Town</st1:place></st1:City>. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information. Then she interrupted me with, 'I'm not trying to make you
look stupid, but <st1:City w:st="on">Cape Town</st1:City> is in <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Massachusetts</st1:place></st1:State>.' Without trying to make
her look stupid, I calmly explained, 'Cape Cod is in <st1:State w:st="on">Massachusetts</st1:State>, <st1:City w:st="on">Cape
Town</st1:City> is in <st1:place w:st="on">Africa</st1:place>.' Her response - click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Florida</st1:place></st1:State> package
we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Orlando</st1:place></st1:City>. He said
he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not
possible, si nce <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Orlando</st1:place></st1:City> is in the middle of the state. H e replied,
'Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Florida</st1:place></st1:State> is a very thin state!'
(OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, 'Is it possible to see
<st1:country-region w:st="on">England</st1:country-region> from <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Canada</st1:place></st1:country-region> ?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'But they look so close
on the map.' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a
car in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dallas</st1:place></st1:City>. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only
a 1-hour layover in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dallas</st1:place></st1:City>. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car
he said, 'I heard <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dallas</st1:place></st1:City> was a big airport, and we will need a car to
drive between gates to save time.' (Aghhhh)
6. An <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Illinois</st1:place></st1:State> Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it
was possible that her flight from <st1:City w:st="on">Detroit</st1:City> left at 8:30 am and got to
<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Chicago</st1:place></st1:City> at 8:33 am. I explained that <st1:State w:st="on">Michigan</st1:State> was an hour ahead of
<st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Illinois</st1:place></st1:State> , but she couldn't understand the concept of t i me zones.
Finally, I told her the plan e went fast, and she bought that.
7. A <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">New York</st1:place></st1:State> lawmaker called and asked, 'Do airlines put your physical
description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?' I
said, 'No, why do you ask?' She replied, 'Well, when I checked in with
the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said 'FAT', and I'm
overweight. I think that's very rude!' After putting her on hold for
a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing) I came back and
explained the city code for <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Fresno</st1:City>, <st1:State w:st="on">CA</st1:State></st1:place> is 'FAT' (Fresno Air Terminal),
and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Hawaii</st1:place></st1:State>.
After going over all the cost info, she asked, 'Would it be cheaper to
fly to <st1:State w:st="on">California</st1:State>, and then take the train to <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Hawaii</st1:place></st1:State> ?'
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, 'How
do I kn ow which plane to get on?' I asked him wh at exactly he meant, to
which he replied, 'I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these
planes have numbers on them.'
10. A lady Senator called and said, 'I need to fly to <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Pepsi-Cola</st1:City>,
<st1:State w:st="on">Florida</st1:State></st1:place>. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?' I
asked if she meant fly to <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Pensacola</st1:place></st1:City>, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said,
'Yeah, whatever, smarty!'
11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he
needed in order to fly to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">China</st1:place></st1:country-region>. After a lengthy discussion about
passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've
been to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">China</st1:place></st1:country-region> many times and never had to have one of those.' I double
checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this
he said, 'Look, I've been to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">China</st1:place></st1:country-region> four times and every time they have
accepted my American Express!'
12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reser vat ions, 'I want to
go from <st1:City w:st="on">Chicago</st1:City> to Rhino, <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">New York</st1:place></st1:State> .' I was at a loss for words.
Finally, I said, 'Are you sure that's the name of the town?' 'Yes, what
flights do you have?' replied the lady. After some searching, I came
back with, 'I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the
country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.' The lady retorted, 'Oh, don't
be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!' So I scoured a
map of the state of <st1:State w:st="on">New York</st1:State> and finally offered, 'You don't mean
<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Buffalo</st1:place></st1:City>, do you?' The reply? 'Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.'
Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
:hmmm:
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
A <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Washington</st1:City>, <st1:State w:st="on">DC</st1:State></st1:place>, airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our
country is in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her
hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Cape
Town</st1:place></st1:City>. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information. Then she interrupted me with, 'I'm not trying to make you
look stupid, but <st1:City w:st="on">Cape Town</st1:City> is in <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Massachusetts</st1:place></st1:State>.' Without trying to make
her look stupid, I calmly explained, 'Cape Cod is in <st1:State w:st="on">Massachusetts</st1:State>, <st1:City w:st="on">Cape
Town</st1:City> is in <st1:place w:st="on">Africa</st1:place>.' Her response - click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Florida</st1:place></st1:State> package
we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Orlando</st1:place></st1:City>. He said
he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not
possible, si nce <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Orlando</st1:place></st1:City> is in the middle of the state. H e replied,
'Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Florida</st1:place></st1:State> is a very thin state!'
(OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, 'Is it possible to see
<st1:country-region w:st="on">England</st1:country-region> from <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Canada</st1:place></st1:country-region> ?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'But they look so close
on the map.' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a
car in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dallas</st1:place></st1:City>. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only
a 1-hour layover in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dallas</st1:place></st1:City>. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car
he said, 'I heard <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Dallas</st1:place></st1:City> was a big airport, and we will need a car to
drive between gates to save time.' (Aghhhh)
6. An <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Illinois</st1:place></st1:State> Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it
was possible that her flight from <st1:City w:st="on">Detroit</st1:City> left at 8:30 am and got to
<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Chicago</st1:place></st1:City> at 8:33 am. I explained that <st1:State w:st="on">Michigan</st1:State> was an hour ahead of
<st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Illinois</st1:place></st1:State> , but she couldn't understand the concept of t i me zones.
Finally, I told her the plan e went fast, and she bought that.
7. A <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">New York</st1:place></st1:State> lawmaker called and asked, 'Do airlines put your physical
description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?' I
said, 'No, why do you ask?' She replied, 'Well, when I checked in with
the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said 'FAT', and I'm
overweight. I think that's very rude!' After putting her on hold for
a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing) I came back and
explained the city code for <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Fresno</st1:City>, <st1:State w:st="on">CA</st1:State></st1:place> is 'FAT' (Fresno Air Terminal),
and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Hawaii</st1:place></st1:State>.
After going over all the cost info, she asked, 'Would it be cheaper to
fly to <st1:State w:st="on">California</st1:State>, and then take the train to <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Hawaii</st1:place></st1:State> ?'
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, 'How
do I kn ow which plane to get on?' I asked him wh at exactly he meant, to
which he replied, 'I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these
planes have numbers on them.'
10. A lady Senator called and said, 'I need to fly to <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Pepsi-Cola</st1:City>,
<st1:State w:st="on">Florida</st1:State></st1:place>. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?' I
asked if she meant fly to <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Pensacola</st1:place></st1:City>, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said,
'Yeah, whatever, smarty!'
11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he
needed in order to fly to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">China</st1:place></st1:country-region>. After a lengthy discussion about
passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've
been to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">China</st1:place></st1:country-region> many times and never had to have one of those.' I double
checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this
he said, 'Look, I've been to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">China</st1:place></st1:country-region> four times and every time they have
accepted my American Express!'
12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reser vat ions, 'I want to
go from <st1:City w:st="on">Chicago</st1:City> to Rhino, <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">New York</st1:place></st1:State> .' I was at a loss for words.
Finally, I said, 'Are you sure that's the name of the town?' 'Yes, what
flights do you have?' replied the lady. After some searching, I came
back with, 'I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the
country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.' The lady retorted, 'Oh, don't
be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!' So I scoured a
map of the state of <st1:State w:st="on">New York</st1:State> and finally offered, 'You don't mean
<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Buffalo</st1:place></st1:City>, do you?' The reply? 'Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.'
Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
:hmmm: