sd gross
06-08-2008, 04:08 PM
*
ST. CLAIR'S CONFUSION
by Stephen D. Gross
I heard this tale from my friend Rick who has never deliberately told a lie in his life. He swears it's verifiably true. I happen to believe him.
Rick had signed up for Chip St. Clair's Sierra field trip along with twenty other enlightened souls. It's not that he had an overwhelming compulsion to learn more biology, he just loved to get up into the high country with the Junior College's most popular professor. It was an eminently entertaining and fastpaced adventure, and there were usually a few coeds with morning dew complections who looked excellent even (nay, especially) in the cool grey of a mountain dawn.
` St. Clair and his longtime pal, botanist Jack Hartman were leading the class jointly and their bubbly enthusiasm was refreshing as well as contagious. They had planned to head up to a vernal lake at the 9,000 foot level and had field assignments and projects just begging for human attention.
Since Rick wasn't adverse to a bit of consciousness raising now and then, he happily accepted his girlfriend's offer of a taste of cocaine to keep him perky in the rarified mountain air. It was just a tiny bit, he claims, so he decided to save it for a few days. The morning of the third day Rick arose sleepily remembering that the class was meeting for a discussion around the breakfast campfire. He decided it would be a good day to do his 'toot', as he liked to call it. Since treats are always more fun when shared, he knocked on the tentflap of one of the married couples who had signed up for the trip. He'd shared a joint of two with the guy after a class they were both taking and figured the pair might appreciate a little wakeup. Somebody produced a mirror and a Swiss Army knife and a bit of ritual chopping commenced. Now for a small. non-porous cylinder with which to guide the crystals into the receptor. Rick had a ball point pen and deftly unscrewed the bottom half from the top which, with its gentle taper and ideal size, proved the perfect tooter.
Feeling elevated and eager Rick and his companions joined the class circle around the morning campfire and focused their attention on Mr. St. Clair who was his usual self. That is to say, bursting with childlike enthusiasm and very good will toward not just men, but just about every organic molecular arrangement on earth (and environs). He launced into a clipped dissertation about the food-hunting efficiency of Clark's Nutcracker "If you wanna survive in the mountains you can't go around bangin' your bill against a bad cone", chimed Hartman. The rotund botanist appeared himself to feed efficiently. A quick note on how to distinguish the cones of Jeffrey and Ponderosa pines ("gentle Jeffrey, prickly Ponderosa" was the mantra), and a short talk on krumholtzed (German for "bent wood") trees.
Then St. Clair pulled a field microscope out of his day pack and setting it on a stump, he reached into a side pocket and produced two clear vials containing a colorless fluid. "This pinkish stuff", St. Clair assured the group, "is pure Sierra snowmelt, and you may think there could be nothing in there that could possibly harm you." Nods of agreement. "But invisible to the naked eye", St. Clair was warming up to it, "are nasty little bacteria called Giardia which regardless of race or creed, wreak havoc with your intestinal system. If you disregard my advice to boil even this water before drinking it, you'll probably want to see me for some medication to keep you from dashing off to the nearest bush every five minutes. Does anyone have a pen I could borrow?" With that he looked directly at Rick's pen poking prominently out of his flannel shirt pocket. Rick happily handed it over, glad he could help out. Removing the cap from one of the small vials, St. Clair took Rick's pen and quickly unscrewed the bottom half from the top..Rick's little happyface froze against his skull. Using the same pen half that Rick had used to toot, St. Clair employed it as a pipette with which to draw fluid from the uncapped vial, and deposited a few drops of the Giardia-laden snowmelt onto a glass slide. Affixing it to his field microscope, the beaming St. Clair confidently peered through the eyepiece knowing exactly what he would see. But did he? The married couple stared at Rick, Rick stared back They were having a terrible time trying not to fall down laughing. St.Clair didn't immediately lift his head from the microscope. One eyebrow crinkled, Then the other. His eye stayed glued to the eyepiece. "I see the Giardia in there but there seems to be something else. I'm not sure what it is." He'd been a biologist for thirty years. A very curious, active biologist. He'd looked through eyepieces many thousands of times. What strange organism could there be in this melted Sierra snow that I don't recognize?" He was used to strangeness, but he appeared chagrined. "What is this, Jack?" he asked Hartman, handing him the microscope. Between them there was 55 years of scientific study, perusal, research, cataloging, keying. But neither of them knew what that stuff on the slide was. Rick knew. The married couple knew. The outfit got passed around the circle with each in turn taking peeks at the squiggly giardia and those other tiny fractures of ice that almost no one in the class could identify. St. Clair looked at Hartman and Hartman looked back at St. Clair. Two wrinkled foreheads, two sets of eyebrows crinkled in confusion. And three highly entertained campers, trying hard not to pee in their pants.
I swear the above story is true. I was "Rick" in the story and St. Clair was a very popular instructor at SRJC, often accompanied by another Prof. whose expertise was things botanical. I'm sure several of you have taken classes from one or both of these instructorial gems and I'm dying to know if anyone can identify them! Please let me know if you can.
luv
stephen I swear the above story is true. I was "Rick" in the story and St. Clair was a very popular instructor at SRJC, often accompanied by another Prof. whose expertise was things botanical. I'm sure several of you have taken classes from one or both of these instructorial gems and I'm dying to know if anyone can identify them! Please let me know if you can.
:anyone:
ST. CLAIR'S CONFUSION
by Stephen D. Gross
I heard this tale from my friend Rick who has never deliberately told a lie in his life. He swears it's verifiably true. I happen to believe him.
Rick had signed up for Chip St. Clair's Sierra field trip along with twenty other enlightened souls. It's not that he had an overwhelming compulsion to learn more biology, he just loved to get up into the high country with the Junior College's most popular professor. It was an eminently entertaining and fastpaced adventure, and there were usually a few coeds with morning dew complections who looked excellent even (nay, especially) in the cool grey of a mountain dawn.
` St. Clair and his longtime pal, botanist Jack Hartman were leading the class jointly and their bubbly enthusiasm was refreshing as well as contagious. They had planned to head up to a vernal lake at the 9,000 foot level and had field assignments and projects just begging for human attention.
Since Rick wasn't adverse to a bit of consciousness raising now and then, he happily accepted his girlfriend's offer of a taste of cocaine to keep him perky in the rarified mountain air. It was just a tiny bit, he claims, so he decided to save it for a few days. The morning of the third day Rick arose sleepily remembering that the class was meeting for a discussion around the breakfast campfire. He decided it would be a good day to do his 'toot', as he liked to call it. Since treats are always more fun when shared, he knocked on the tentflap of one of the married couples who had signed up for the trip. He'd shared a joint of two with the guy after a class they were both taking and figured the pair might appreciate a little wakeup. Somebody produced a mirror and a Swiss Army knife and a bit of ritual chopping commenced. Now for a small. non-porous cylinder with which to guide the crystals into the receptor. Rick had a ball point pen and deftly unscrewed the bottom half from the top which, with its gentle taper and ideal size, proved the perfect tooter.
Feeling elevated and eager Rick and his companions joined the class circle around the morning campfire and focused their attention on Mr. St. Clair who was his usual self. That is to say, bursting with childlike enthusiasm and very good will toward not just men, but just about every organic molecular arrangement on earth (and environs). He launced into a clipped dissertation about the food-hunting efficiency of Clark's Nutcracker "If you wanna survive in the mountains you can't go around bangin' your bill against a bad cone", chimed Hartman. The rotund botanist appeared himself to feed efficiently. A quick note on how to distinguish the cones of Jeffrey and Ponderosa pines ("gentle Jeffrey, prickly Ponderosa" was the mantra), and a short talk on krumholtzed (German for "bent wood") trees.
Then St. Clair pulled a field microscope out of his day pack and setting it on a stump, he reached into a side pocket and produced two clear vials containing a colorless fluid. "This pinkish stuff", St. Clair assured the group, "is pure Sierra snowmelt, and you may think there could be nothing in there that could possibly harm you." Nods of agreement. "But invisible to the naked eye", St. Clair was warming up to it, "are nasty little bacteria called Giardia which regardless of race or creed, wreak havoc with your intestinal system. If you disregard my advice to boil even this water before drinking it, you'll probably want to see me for some medication to keep you from dashing off to the nearest bush every five minutes. Does anyone have a pen I could borrow?" With that he looked directly at Rick's pen poking prominently out of his flannel shirt pocket. Rick happily handed it over, glad he could help out. Removing the cap from one of the small vials, St. Clair took Rick's pen and quickly unscrewed the bottom half from the top..Rick's little happyface froze against his skull. Using the same pen half that Rick had used to toot, St. Clair employed it as a pipette with which to draw fluid from the uncapped vial, and deposited a few drops of the Giardia-laden snowmelt onto a glass slide. Affixing it to his field microscope, the beaming St. Clair confidently peered through the eyepiece knowing exactly what he would see. But did he? The married couple stared at Rick, Rick stared back They were having a terrible time trying not to fall down laughing. St.Clair didn't immediately lift his head from the microscope. One eyebrow crinkled, Then the other. His eye stayed glued to the eyepiece. "I see the Giardia in there but there seems to be something else. I'm not sure what it is." He'd been a biologist for thirty years. A very curious, active biologist. He'd looked through eyepieces many thousands of times. What strange organism could there be in this melted Sierra snow that I don't recognize?" He was used to strangeness, but he appeared chagrined. "What is this, Jack?" he asked Hartman, handing him the microscope. Between them there was 55 years of scientific study, perusal, research, cataloging, keying. But neither of them knew what that stuff on the slide was. Rick knew. The married couple knew. The outfit got passed around the circle with each in turn taking peeks at the squiggly giardia and those other tiny fractures of ice that almost no one in the class could identify. St. Clair looked at Hartman and Hartman looked back at St. Clair. Two wrinkled foreheads, two sets of eyebrows crinkled in confusion. And three highly entertained campers, trying hard not to pee in their pants.
I swear the above story is true. I was "Rick" in the story and St. Clair was a very popular instructor at SRJC, often accompanied by another Prof. whose expertise was things botanical. I'm sure several of you have taken classes from one or both of these instructorial gems and I'm dying to know if anyone can identify them! Please let me know if you can.
luv
stephen I swear the above story is true. I was "Rick" in the story and St. Clair was a very popular instructor at SRJC, often accompanied by another Prof. whose expertise was things botanical. I'm sure several of you have taken classes from one or both of these instructorial gems and I'm dying to know if anyone can identify them! Please let me know if you can.
:anyone: