handy
05-27-2008, 08:14 PM
GREENHOUSING
As the 20th century approached denouement Enviro-whiners of every strident ilk vigorously vented their spleens, fundaments, and pie holes. Luddites decried facile transportation and consumer prosperity. Green Sleaze demanded protection of vernal pools (mud puddles), wetlands (swamps), tropical rain forests (jungles), fragile and endangered Furbish louseworts, and contributors' gleanings' tax-free status. The First World was excoriated for chlorinated hydrocarbon insecticides. Freon refrigerent terminated production as Africa (682 million paupers), India (1.1 billion peons) and China (1.3 billion meat puppets) manufactured both at full military emergency output. Jeremy Rifkin condemned thick bloody tender steaks as he feasted on the corporate tab (founder and President of the non-profit Foundation on Economic Trends; staff of seven, $450K/annum incoming to Christ-besotted Enviro-whores). Governments everywhere eyed a Carbon Tax on Everything to Officially protect Gaia from the Greenhouse Effect.
The market for Rifkin's fondly (and fiscally) embraced gene-geneered Frankensteinian monsters continues to be soft, being based upon artifacts. Greenhouse Effect frenzy is running hot, being borne upon nugatory computer models and fictive renormalized data. "The sky is falling!" is perpetually popular, Orson Well's War of the Worlds to obese asteroids wailing in at 40 miles/second right at your nose. The Greenhouse Effect will not only cremate Gaia, it will also precipitate an Ice Age to freeze her buns off (American Scientist 87(4) 320 (1999), Atlantic Monthly 281(1) 47 (1998)). Green Sleaze and allied Enviro-whiner hind gut fermenters inflate phantasms of impending global incineration coexistent with worldwide glaciation. Their wagers are covered whether the coin lands heads or tails. They are in it for the vigorish.
One is reminded of the summer so hot that corn popped on the cob right in the fields. An errant breeze blew the popcorn into feed lots and the cattle, thinking it was snow, froze to death. The future is one coin destined to land on edge every time.
What is the genesis of sour data firing computer models' eructations? Renormalization (drylabbing, falsification) of absurdly expensive satellite telemetry (NASA's corrupt "Mission Earth") aside, the compelling two-fisted immolative/cryogenic End of the World is confined to two geographic loci:
1) Contemporary weather stations are placed at airports and in cities rich with thermal emissions (heating in the winter, air conditioning in the summer; engines) and hot concrete and asphalt. Go back a half century and most of those Official thermometers were planted in farms surrounded by cool vegetation transpiring moisture as leaves' open stomata diffused air for their carbon dioxide. A statistically significant and utterly meaningless extreme Official temperature increase conveniently obtains, especially at night when the massive constructs of civilization radiate away accumulated day heat.
2) Weather bouys are moored in godforsaken ocean where nothing routinely wanders except seals and sea lions. Data is relayed by radio.
The People's Republic of Canada maintains extensive acreages of oceanic weather bouys as part of national government-subsidized employment of unemployables (it's the economy, stupid). A giddy delight inherent in these seemingly inert floating technological motes is their irresistible charm vis-a-vis mammalian macrofauna like seals and sea lions. Mooring cables are sea lion dental floss. Every streamlined homeothermic body likes to jump from transparent frigid ocean onto dark sun-warmed platform to sunbathe.
The oceanic Greenhouse Effect traces to hot flesh under sun-warmed dark hide atop thick blubber fondly snuggling against thermistors, thermometers, and thermocouples themselves baking in the radiance. It is a flagrant violation of every nuance of the scientific method, thus guaranteeing New Age purity of content. Pinnipeds' oneiromancies abet climatic conjecture on at least two levels - locally thermogenerative and globally Media nurturant. It is poppycock custom engineered and selectively funded to satisfy political intrigue. One supposes abundant sea mammal farts do their part to support methane hysteria. "Aruuk! Aruuk!"
Data is collected, collated, normalized, smoothed, averaged according to validated statistical methods, graphically displayed, and compared with promises made in funding applications. If push does not come to shove, adjustable parameters buried in computer codes are tweaked to eliminate heteroskedasticity (evidence that the researcher has not clue one as to what he is doing with output not even vaguely related to real world anything.) The correct(ed) answers - DOOM! - are pledged in support of "more studies are needed."
A superficial summation of televangelical Official truth reveals the entire population of the United States has been saved and reborn, and on multiple occasions. Among us must assuredly saunter confreres sporting a baker's dozen and more of hard-won Christian bellybuttons. Whether examining Christian or Enviro-whiner cult members, one cannot see the heated fragile and endangered niches for all the accumulated lint.
To own 1801+ pages of Uncle Al (with concordance and wickedly clever operating menu), click ordering information
To return to Uncle Al Outrage Central, click here
To view something awesomely strange...
As the 20th century approached denouement Enviro-whiners of every strident ilk vigorously vented their spleens, fundaments, and pie holes. Luddites decried facile transportation and consumer prosperity. Green Sleaze demanded protection of vernal pools (mud puddles), wetlands (swamps), tropical rain forests (jungles), fragile and endangered Furbish louseworts, and contributors' gleanings' tax-free status. The First World was excoriated for chlorinated hydrocarbon insecticides. Freon refrigerent terminated production as Africa (682 million paupers), India (1.1 billion peons) and China (1.3 billion meat puppets) manufactured both at full military emergency output. Jeremy Rifkin condemned thick bloody tender steaks as he feasted on the corporate tab (founder and President of the non-profit Foundation on Economic Trends; staff of seven, $450K/annum incoming to Christ-besotted Enviro-whores). Governments everywhere eyed a Carbon Tax on Everything to Officially protect Gaia from the Greenhouse Effect.
The market for Rifkin's fondly (and fiscally) embraced gene-geneered Frankensteinian monsters continues to be soft, being based upon artifacts. Greenhouse Effect frenzy is running hot, being borne upon nugatory computer models and fictive renormalized data. "The sky is falling!" is perpetually popular, Orson Well's War of the Worlds to obese asteroids wailing in at 40 miles/second right at your nose. The Greenhouse Effect will not only cremate Gaia, it will also precipitate an Ice Age to freeze her buns off (American Scientist 87(4) 320 (1999), Atlantic Monthly 281(1) 47 (1998)). Green Sleaze and allied Enviro-whiner hind gut fermenters inflate phantasms of impending global incineration coexistent with worldwide glaciation. Their wagers are covered whether the coin lands heads or tails. They are in it for the vigorish.
One is reminded of the summer so hot that corn popped on the cob right in the fields. An errant breeze blew the popcorn into feed lots and the cattle, thinking it was snow, froze to death. The future is one coin destined to land on edge every time.
What is the genesis of sour data firing computer models' eructations? Renormalization (drylabbing, falsification) of absurdly expensive satellite telemetry (NASA's corrupt "Mission Earth") aside, the compelling two-fisted immolative/cryogenic End of the World is confined to two geographic loci:
1) Contemporary weather stations are placed at airports and in cities rich with thermal emissions (heating in the winter, air conditioning in the summer; engines) and hot concrete and asphalt. Go back a half century and most of those Official thermometers were planted in farms surrounded by cool vegetation transpiring moisture as leaves' open stomata diffused air for their carbon dioxide. A statistically significant and utterly meaningless extreme Official temperature increase conveniently obtains, especially at night when the massive constructs of civilization radiate away accumulated day heat.
2) Weather bouys are moored in godforsaken ocean where nothing routinely wanders except seals and sea lions. Data is relayed by radio.
The People's Republic of Canada maintains extensive acreages of oceanic weather bouys as part of national government-subsidized employment of unemployables (it's the economy, stupid). A giddy delight inherent in these seemingly inert floating technological motes is their irresistible charm vis-a-vis mammalian macrofauna like seals and sea lions. Mooring cables are sea lion dental floss. Every streamlined homeothermic body likes to jump from transparent frigid ocean onto dark sun-warmed platform to sunbathe.
The oceanic Greenhouse Effect traces to hot flesh under sun-warmed dark hide atop thick blubber fondly snuggling against thermistors, thermometers, and thermocouples themselves baking in the radiance. It is a flagrant violation of every nuance of the scientific method, thus guaranteeing New Age purity of content. Pinnipeds' oneiromancies abet climatic conjecture on at least two levels - locally thermogenerative and globally Media nurturant. It is poppycock custom engineered and selectively funded to satisfy political intrigue. One supposes abundant sea mammal farts do their part to support methane hysteria. "Aruuk! Aruuk!"
Data is collected, collated, normalized, smoothed, averaged according to validated statistical methods, graphically displayed, and compared with promises made in funding applications. If push does not come to shove, adjustable parameters buried in computer codes are tweaked to eliminate heteroskedasticity (evidence that the researcher has not clue one as to what he is doing with output not even vaguely related to real world anything.) The correct(ed) answers - DOOM! - are pledged in support of "more studies are needed."
A superficial summation of televangelical Official truth reveals the entire population of the United States has been saved and reborn, and on multiple occasions. Among us must assuredly saunter confreres sporting a baker's dozen and more of hard-won Christian bellybuttons. Whether examining Christian or Enviro-whiner cult members, one cannot see the heated fragile and endangered niches for all the accumulated lint.
To own 1801+ pages of Uncle Al (with concordance and wickedly clever operating menu), click ordering information
To return to Uncle Al Outrage Central, click here
To view something awesomely strange...