sd gross
04-01-2008, 10:10 AM
Virgin Spotted in Guerneville
by Rabbit D. Klein
An image of a weeping Virgin of Guadalupe has been drawing crowds of the faithful and the curious to Guerneville Safeway's parking lot since Ash Wednesday. First noticed by two 5th-graders from Guerneville Elementary School, the image usually appears each day in late morning on the rear of the Taqueria Truck parked in the northwest corner of Safeway's front lot, and has attracted visitors from as far south as Ciudad Obregon and as far north as Deadhorse. The visitors have included a Bishop from Mas Tonto, New Mexico and two retired Cardinals (Ozzie Smith and Stan Musial), none of whom can offer a logical explanation for the Virgin's prolonged visit. Dirt and vaporous emissions from the vehicle's exhaust pipe have been suggested as possible explanations for the Her "appearances", but several "pilgrims" swear the image has been responsible for working miracles that have profoundly affected their lives.
"There was a warmth come over my jaw and it felt kind of heavy," said a teary-eyed woman from Klamath Falls, "and when I looked in the mirror - all my teeth had been filled with silver!" I just said, "Lord, you can just do what-alls you want - you can clean my teeth too!" As she watched a half-century of yellow faded away. An enraptured man from the Dry Creek Valley who had lost a leg in a grape-crushing accident three years ago swears he found the missing limb in a dumpster behind G&G Market in Santa Rosa.
"I was pickin' up some Chinese take-out after spending the morning with the Virgin, and a soft, little girl's voice whispered for me to look in the dumpster," swears 32-year-old Conlee Birch. "It was black and shriveled but I could tell from the tattoo on the webbing between the second and thrid toes, it had to be mine!" Birch confides he'll probably never walk on it again, but "just to have it home once again, livin' with me," is enough to cheer him, not to mention bolstering his faith. "I could wrap it in canvas and kinda let the cats scratch on it," he offered. "Put the damn thing to some use."
Jorge O'Shea, the Taqueria truck's operator, says he's never met the Virgin of Guadalupe so he's "Not sure if it's really her." The image disappears each evening when he parks in front of his South Wright Road residence, says O'Shea, but somehow magically reappears each morning after he pulls into his Safeway parking spot. "I had an artichoke that looked like Yasser Arafat once ," O'Shea explains, "but the goat ate it!" The really strange thing, he goes on to explain, was "when that goat relieved himself the next morning, every one of those little pellets looked exactly like Dick Cheney, too."
by Rabbit D. Klein
An image of a weeping Virgin of Guadalupe has been drawing crowds of the faithful and the curious to Guerneville Safeway's parking lot since Ash Wednesday. First noticed by two 5th-graders from Guerneville Elementary School, the image usually appears each day in late morning on the rear of the Taqueria Truck parked in the northwest corner of Safeway's front lot, and has attracted visitors from as far south as Ciudad Obregon and as far north as Deadhorse. The visitors have included a Bishop from Mas Tonto, New Mexico and two retired Cardinals (Ozzie Smith and Stan Musial), none of whom can offer a logical explanation for the Virgin's prolonged visit. Dirt and vaporous emissions from the vehicle's exhaust pipe have been suggested as possible explanations for the Her "appearances", but several "pilgrims" swear the image has been responsible for working miracles that have profoundly affected their lives.
"There was a warmth come over my jaw and it felt kind of heavy," said a teary-eyed woman from Klamath Falls, "and when I looked in the mirror - all my teeth had been filled with silver!" I just said, "Lord, you can just do what-alls you want - you can clean my teeth too!" As she watched a half-century of yellow faded away. An enraptured man from the Dry Creek Valley who had lost a leg in a grape-crushing accident three years ago swears he found the missing limb in a dumpster behind G&G Market in Santa Rosa.
"I was pickin' up some Chinese take-out after spending the morning with the Virgin, and a soft, little girl's voice whispered for me to look in the dumpster," swears 32-year-old Conlee Birch. "It was black and shriveled but I could tell from the tattoo on the webbing between the second and thrid toes, it had to be mine!" Birch confides he'll probably never walk on it again, but "just to have it home once again, livin' with me," is enough to cheer him, not to mention bolstering his faith. "I could wrap it in canvas and kinda let the cats scratch on it," he offered. "Put the damn thing to some use."
Jorge O'Shea, the Taqueria truck's operator, says he's never met the Virgin of Guadalupe so he's "Not sure if it's really her." The image disappears each evening when he parks in front of his South Wright Road residence, says O'Shea, but somehow magically reappears each morning after he pulls into his Safeway parking spot. "I had an artichoke that looked like Yasser Arafat once ," O'Shea explains, "but the goat ate it!" The really strange thing, he goes on to explain, was "when that goat relieved himself the next morning, every one of those little pellets looked exactly like Dick Cheney, too."