Lousy Sex Bomb

[MsTerry]

I have a girlfriend who just broke up a 5 year relationship with her fiancee.
Yes, they had a date and a ring but he decided that it wasn't what he wanted and besides that, they had lousy sex.
The 'lousy sex' part came out of nowhere for her and was very hurtful.
I told her in my eternal optimism that it was a nice thing for him to say that, since that meant he hadn't stuck around just for sexual gratification but that he saw her as a real person.
I don't think it helped, I don't think she wants to be seen as a person right now, at least not one with a Bad Sex Stigma attached to it.

But my real question is;
What is Lousy Sex?
What makes it bad for one and fine for the other?
is it ignorance or experience?

Are there any guidelines?

[shellebelle]

I find this interesting.

I think sex is personl perspective.

What is "lousy" for one may not be for another.

And yes I think experience has something to do with it but so does mind. Experience with people and relationships, even attention to detail not necessarily sexual experience and by mind I mean brain power, intelligence, and yes even depth.

If I want to have sex with an object (something without a brain) they are $8.99 at Spencers plus batteries.

Side Note:

To me this sounds like a cop out on his part - a way for him to not experience "guilt" or "feel bad" about his decision.

OR

A way to sever the relationship - to break up "permanently" and not be able to back track.


I have a girlfriend who just broke up a 5 year relationship with her fiancee.
Yes, they had a date and a ring but he decided that it wasn't what he wanted and besides that, they had lousy sex.
The 'lousy sex' part came out of nowhere for her and was very hurtful.
I told her in my eternal optimism that it was a nice thing for him to say that, since that meant he hadn't stuck around just for sexual gratification but that he saw her as a real person.
I don't think it helped, I don't think she wants to be seen as a person right now, at least not one with a Bad Sex Stigma attached to it.

But my real question is;
What is Lousy Sex?
What makes it bad for one and fine for the other?
is it ignorance or experience?

Are there any guidelines?

[santarosie]

What is Lousy Sex?

I looked it up in the dictionary and lo and behold there was a picture of my ex-husband :wink:




What makes it bad for one and fine for the other?


Selfishness, power tripping, guilt, ambivalence, spite, resentment, extraneous circumstances



Are there any guidelines?

Open and honest communication before, during, and after
Remember everyone is different and unique
Be willing to give AND able to take
Have fun
Don't over think things
Be Respectful
Don't sweat the small stuff
Be full of surprises/keep it interesting!

[Lenny]

Even with lousy sex, ONE still feels good, maybe?

Oh, and he said that like a child will say, when they've run out of other spite full and hurtful things, "Oh, yeah? Well you dress funny too". She's better off without a guy that will do that.

Oh, and you'll know lousy sex when and if it happens.

But true dat, Ms. Santarosie

[MsTerry]

santarosie;50703]I looked it up in the dictionary and lo and behold there was a picture of my ex-husband :wink:
Stereotyping does not forward the discussion



Selfishness, power tripping, guilt, ambivalence, spite, resentment, extraneous circumstances
If all of that were to happen in the same relationship, they both need to get some counseling




Open and honest communication before, during, and after
Remember everyone is different and unique
Be willing to give AND able to take
Have fun
Don't over think things
Be Respectful
Don't sweat the small stuff
Be full of surprises/keep it interesting!
I've been in relationships with great communication and lousy sex.
Why does it work in some relationships but not in others?

[MsTerry]

I find this interesting.

I think sex is personl perspective.

What is "lousy" for one may not be for another.

And yes I think experience has something to do with it but so does mind. Experience with people and relationships, even attention to detail not necessarily sexual experience and by mind I mean brain power, intelligence, and yes even depth.

And that is the intriguing part.
What makes it lousy for one but not for the other?
Even with complete communication and understanding there can still be a difference in the experience.


If I want to have sex with an object (something without a brain) they are $8.99 at Spencers plus batteries. Is there a special model that you can recommend?

[shellebelle]

LOL - when they require batteries there's really nothing special.

Wouldn't investment be the difference?

When both parties are invested the sex is like the icing or whip topping on a great dessert. When either one or both are not invested dessert isn't so great.

Base a relationship on sex and never build a foundation and its like whip topping for dessert - kinda fun once in a while but not substantial enough to do daily or to share. Let things warm up a bit and you just have an ewwy gooey mess. Again fun, enoyable once in while but not for the long term.


Sticking with my dessert theme here.

And I think the reason it can be different for each one is that everyone likes different dessert. Some are happy with whip topping and no investment, some are good with cookies, other with cakes, some like pies and yet other want angel food. Relationships like a good dessert can be as simple, plain and yes even as rich in their simplicity as we desire or as complicated, deep, wild or mild etc as we desire.




And that is the intriguing part.
What makes it lousy for one but not for the other?
Even with complete communication and understanding there can still be a difference in the experience.
Is there a special model that you can recommend?

[decterlove]

Sex is a lot like food........it can suck and leave you feeling unsatisfied or it can be quite delicious and nourishing. The only real difference between the two is that there aren't many roaming sex critics out there who will provide reviews of potential partners so you can make an informed choice before you bed.

Tell ya one thing though....

The heading "lousy sex bomb" is probably the greatest title I've seen yet on a wacco posting! kudos!

gracious y recuerde que el elefante es muy grande mas el mosquito es poquito.

[Barry]

... there aren't many roaming sex critics out there who will provide reviews of potential partners so you can make an informed choice before you bed....

:idea: Sounds like a new category! :makeout::thinking::balance:

[MsTerry]

Well, to stick with your cream and whip theme.
Is it reasonable to expect everybody to be able to have their sticky buns?
Aren't we asking too much if we expect every one to be a good cook?
We don't require our mates to be Einsteins, can we expect good sex as a given?

LOL -

Wouldn't investment be the difference?

When both parties are invested the sex is like the icing or whip topping on a great dessert. When either one or both are not invested dessert isn't so great.

Base a relationship on sex and never build a foundation and its like whip topping for dessert - kinda fun once in a while but not substantial enough to do daily or to share. Let things warm up a bit and you just have an ewwy gooey mess. Again fun, enoyable once in while but not for the long term.


Sticking with my dessert theme here.

And I think the reason it can be different for each one is that everyone likes different dessert. Some are happy with whip topping and no investment, some are good with cookies, other with cakes, some like pies and yet other want angel food. Relationships like a good dessert can be as simple, plain and yes even as rich in their simplicity as we desire or as complicated, deep, wild or mild etc as we desire.

[Zeno Swijtink]

(...)
But my real question is;
What is Lousy Sex?

Are there any guidelines?

Lousy sex is sex that doesn't touch some nerve.

All guidelines from follow from that.

[shellebelle]

LOL Love it - no not good cooks but lets say this a relationship is like a good meal.

Can cream become whipped cream - sure but can it become beef steak - no! So don't expect your beef steak to be a dessert! Don't expect your chocolate cake to be vanilla or vice versa.

If you date some one less than Einstein don't put the bar at Einsteins level, place it where it belongs. No one succeeds if the bar is placed so high they can't reach it or worse can't even see it. No one suceeds if they are expected to be something they aren't (whipped cream versus say beef steak).

So date beef steak and know you have a main dish - date whipped cream and know you have a nice topping. Want to build something in between you have to create a foundation and build a menu/meal and an experience not just a dish.

Also since relationships are like good meals you hopefully will see it change and develop over time or you may like it just the way it is and not expand it beyond today. In which case don't be surprised your menu is not very diverse.

Now for some of us this means adding extra dishes to fill out our menu. For some its just one really great well rounded dish that's a meal in itself - very satisfying and enduring. But like a good cook invest time, quality ingrediants and lots of love and attention and you will have a great meal.

Just how I see things.

Did I mention I love food.

Side note: for anyone wanting to meet someone delicious - it is really a fun exercise to visualize people as desserts. Only problem is every once in a while you run into prunes while in a chocolate mood don't worry its a buffet keep going - taste another one.



Well, to stick with your cream and whip theme.
Is it reasonable to expect everybody to be able to have their sticky buns?
Aren't we asking too much if we expect every one to be a good cook?
We don't require our mates to be Einsteins, can we expect good sex as a given?

[santarosie]

Stereotyping does not forward the discussion

:hello:I wasn't stereotyping, I was making a joke, and man did I get a good laugh out of it!!!!!! Thanks!

Although lousy sex didn't cause my marriage to fail (it wasn't always lousy), it became a measure for how any why things weren't working, which caused it all to continue getting worse. It is a vicious circle. When I pointed out how lousy the sex had become, my ex-husband was aghast. Sometimes people use sex as a weapon to inflict pain, cause embarassment, manipulate another, or compound dysfunctional behavior. Pity, when it can be so much fun.



I've been in relationships with great communication and lousy sex.
Why does it work in some relationships but not in others?

You can have great sexual experiences, but it doesn't guarantee a good relationship. A good relationship cannot only be based on good sex. There has to be more of a foundation, or it will not withstand lifes ups and downs, cause everyone has them. I really think it comes down to figuring out how to get what you need, which includes not expecting what isn't possible.

What wise people know is that when both people in a relationship put their partners needs first, the result is two happy people. Find someone who will put your needs first, and do the same for them.

[Braggi]

There can be a lot of reasons sex is something less than stellar. Ignorance and selfishness are the two biggest ones and either can apply to a man or a woman. Ignorance is curable, selfishness rarely is.

Size does matter. People have different body sizes and bodies have to mesh well for sex to be great. And it's more than just size. People's genitals are mounted at different angles. Don't laugh, it's true. There are minor genetic variations of all kinds including the angle of the dangle. It's important to find someone you can get into comfortable positions with. Don't minimize the importance of this. Sometimes people of very different body sizes and shapes become powerful lovers. That's great, but it's not typical. It's rarely something that can be dramatically improved with practice or education and it's typically something that shows up the first couple of times you make love. If it doesn't feel right after two or three tries, don't spend the rest of your life there.

If the sex is great, and hopefully, the best you've ever had, go ahead and get married because otherwise at some point all the rest of it won't be enough and you WILL start having affairs. If you're polyamorous, fine, but most people aren't. Check with your potential mate before getting married. If you're poly and the other never will be, that's not good.

Some people will never be great in bed with some others because of basic body chemistry. If the smell of your partner doesn't turn you on, don't move in with them. You won't be happy. That alone is a very complicated topic but with a simple bottom line: love it or leave it.

Of course there are more reasons, but any of these should scrap marriage plans.

-Jeff

[Braggi]

BTW, I think they guy in the scenario described in the opening post is probably very brave and very wise. It takes guts to admit you've made a mistake especially after a huge investment. Whether he really had to tell the lady in question what he did is another topic, but it took a lot of guts to do it.

We all wish we'd never have to face such a scenario, but sometimes you fall in love with the wrong person and don't figure that out until later. Perhaps this guy's real reason would have been much more hurtful to the lady had he been honest about it but I'm guessing he really was being truthful and that the lady will now go all out to prove (with other lovers, of course) that the guy was wrong. Perhaps it will be the most rewarding process of her life.

-Jeff

[theindependenteye]

From our play LOVEPLAY, Philadelphia, 1994—

Sometimes it’s a bummer. Sometimes it is a bummer. What turns me off...

Smelly feet.

Dumb jokes.

Endurance contests.

Grim determination.

Trying to set a record.

Feeling I have to perform.

Dishonesty.

Faking it.

Bad acting. Although good acting is fine.

When they feel, “This is foreplay. Now we’re doing foreplay. Prepare for Phase Two.”

A guy who thinks it’s a matter of pistons and cylinders.

Being worshipped. Ugh.

Being monitored for signs of ecstasy.

Those who become comatose with passion.

Lust that sounds like asthma.

There’s a difference between Gentle and Barely Alive.

This CPA, and normally I’m not attracted to suits, but finally we got back to my place, and loosen the necktie, and he says, “You got anything to eat?” Meaning that as a dirty joke. And I thought, this is the kind of intellect I attract?

When I met this guy, had a very nice time, and next time he invited me to a dance, and I met him there, and he was the only one in full drag.

Once when I didn’t feel like it, but I didn’t want to disappoint him, and he didn’t feel like it, but he didn’t want to disappoint me, and we both knew it, but we never said it, and so we did it. And felt like real fools.

Getting falling-down drunk at a party, and staying the night, and making love with this person but not remembering a thing about it, and thinking why in holy hell did I ever do that?

Cologne.

Deodorant.

Snaggly fingernails.

People who don’t take care of whatever kind of bodies they’ve got.

Needing to go to the bathroom but feeling she might take it personally.

This cold-fish compulsiveness that seems to be what people think sex is.

I suppose I shouldn’t say it, but... I never had a sexual experience that I couldn’t live without.


© 1994 C. Bishop & E. Fuller

[MsTerry]

I've heard you are a handy man but I didn't know you knew about plumbing too!




Size does matter. People have different body sizes and bodies have to mesh well for sex to be great. And it's more than just size. People's genitals are mounted at different angles. Don't laugh, it's true. There are minor genetic variations of all kinds including the angle of the dangle. It's important to find someone you can get into comfortable positions with. Don't minimize the importance of this. Sometimes people of very different body sizes and shapes become powerful lovers. That's great, but it's not typical. It's rarely something that can be dramatically improved with practice or education and it's typically something that shows up the first couple of times you make love. If it doesn't feel right after two or three tries, don't spend the rest of your life there.

If the sex is great, and hopefully, the best you've ever had, go ahead and get married because otherwise at some point all the rest of it won't be enough and you WILL start having affairs. If you're polyamorous, fine, but most people aren't. Check with your potential mate before getting married. If you're poly and the other never will be, that's not good.

Some people will never be great in bed with some others because of basic body chemistry. If the smell of your partner doesn't turn you on, don't move in with them. You won't be happy. That alone is a very complicated topic but with a simple bottom line: love it or leave it.

Of course there are more reasons, but any of these should scrap marriage plans.

-Jeff

[shellebelle]

Size does matter. People have different body sizes and bodies have to mesh well for sex to be great. And it's more than just size. People's genitals are mounted at different angles. Don't laugh, it's true. There are minor genetic variations of all kinds including the angle of the dangle. It's important to find someone you can get into comfortable positions with. Don't minimize the importance of this. Sometimes people of very different body sizes and shapes become powerful lovers. That's great, but it's not typical. It's rarely something that can be dramatically improved with practice or education and it's typically something that shows up the first couple of times you make love. If it doesn't feel right after two or three tries, don't spend the rest of your life there.
-Jeff

Hmmmm

Not that I am truly an expert but I do have some experience and I would disagree to some extent or have to accept I am an anomaly.

I have never had a problem; from 5'6" to 7'1" heights; I have found great joy, passion and friendship. The foundation though is friendship and the greater majority I remain friends with. Lovers who are etched into my heart and into my soul a dimension of who I was and am and will be.


Check with your potential mate before getting married. If you're poly and the other never will be, that's not good.

I do agree though do not go into a relationship without knowing and accepting yourself and being up front with your partner(s) about who you are. You will change over time as will they but honesty should never change.

[Braggi]

...
I have never had a problem; from 5'6" to 7'1" heights; I have found great joy, passion and friendship. ...

Ummm, I wasn't necessarily referring to height.

Or weight.

-Jeff

[MsTerry]

[quote]:hello:I wasn't stereotyping, I was making a joke, and man did I get a good laugh out of it!!!!!! Thanks! I know you were making a joke, but your joke still boils down to that men are lousy and or too quick in bed




You can have great sexual experiences, but it doesn't guarantee a good relationship. A good relationship cannot only be based on good sex. There has to be more of a foundation, or it will not withstand lifes ups and downs, cause everyone has them. I really think it comes down to figuring out how to get what you need, which includes not expecting what isn't possibleWhat I was saying is that I was in a good relation but getting lousy sex.

[shellebelle]

Okay then explain since with height and body size comes differing other features and I simply was referring to that subtly.


Ummm, I wasn't necessarily referring to height.

Or weight.

-Jeff

[shellebelle]

I disagree - Men can be anything they choose to be. Want quick they can be - have the energy to go hours they often can. Okay they may need some help with that second one but so what? If you are in a relationship for the relationship for the friendship then you both adjust and accept.

As an example:
We will all lose our ability to remember things over time and some of us never had a whole lot of it anyway - age does exasperate that. Do we throw our lovers away because they can't remember yesterday or last year? Do we throw them out because things don't work like they did when we were 20? 30? 40? Or do we honor them and ourselves by loving beyond life changes?

Sex is like a memory it can be short or long and everything in between and if its all you have then its a sad state of affairs.


I know you were making a joke, but it still boils down to that men are lousy and or too quick in bed
What I was saying is that I was in a good relation but getting lousy sex.

[Braggi]

Okay then explain since with height and body size comes differing other features and I simply was referring to that subtly.


And I was trying to not be subtle by being subtle. Oh well. Let's put it this way: when I was a teenager, I went to a nude beach with my girlfriend. We were both lying on our tummies looking away from the water. A great big guy who looked like a handsome body builder walked by us going toward the water. His penis was so small it was nearly hidden by his pubic hair. Right behind him was a buck-toothed kid with coke bottle bottom glasses that weighed about 86 lbs. soaking wet. His tool hung down to his knees and would have made most women very nervous or very excited. My girlfriend nudged me and said, "Hey kid, come back here!"

Size matters. Bodies have to fit together to have good sex. Some ladies can't possibly be comfortable with a big one and some ladies won't be satisfied by anything less.

Know what I mean?

-Jeff

[shellebelle]

Yes and I always feel sorry for those who can't find satisfaction in both. Yes I have had both and they are lovely and the widies and the narrows and a few in between. So I guess I accept I am an anomaly.

Mind matters I think more.

Though I love nude beaches and resorts since I can browse before purchse so to speak!


And I was trying to not be subtle by being subtle. Oh well. Let's put it this way: when I was a teenager, I went to a nude beach with my girlfriend. We were both lying on our tummies looking away from the water. A great big guy who looked like a handsome body builder walked by us going toward the water. His penis was so small it was nearly hidden by his pubic hair. Right behind him was a buck-toothed kid with coke bottle bottom glasses that weighed about 86 lbs. soaking wet. His tool hung down to his knees and would have made most women very nervous or very excited. My girlfriend nudged me and said, "Hey kid, come back here!"

Size matters. Bodies have to fit together to have good sex. Some ladies can't possibly be comfortable with a big one and some ladies won't be satisfied by anything less.

Know what I mean?

-Jeff

[Zeno Swijtink]

https://www.feelingscorned.com/images/card10_complete.jpg

[ghatmandu]

:idea: Sounds like a new category! :makeout::thinking::balance:
I am now running a special on just such a service,for just 19.95 and a meal you will get an in depth comprehensive study on the sexual habits and compatability of the woman of your dreams,act NOW and get a second study absolutely FREE!!!

[MsTerry]

What do you have on me?


I am now running a special on just such a service,for just 19.95 and a meal you will get an in depth comprehensive study on the sexual habits and compatability of the woman of your dreams,act NOW and get a second study absolutely FREE!!!

[mykil]

In order to have lousy sex you first have to know what good sex is. In order to have lousy sex you have to first experience the wonders of just outstanding communication. Outstanding ability to just get down and dirty without caring what the hell is going on. In order to have lousy sex you first need to understand that lying in bed with you legs spread open isn’t really sex! That’s just repopulation and you can refer to the bible for those aspects and the whole sex is only for children thingy. In order to have really bad sex you need to understand that a chip on the tooth can cause severe pain! In order to have bad sex you need to understand that watching TV might be a communication breakdown and you might need to work on the whole,[ UNLESS OF COURSE YOUR WATCHING PORN]!
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
Really having bad sex is just not worth the effort and I for one would rather do it myself than experience the downward spiral of the misfortune of even going in the direction of having another really bad sexual experience. Although I am sure most people don’t even know what good sex is I am sure they have had atleast one or two wonderful experiences in their lives. If you are really that severely prudish that you can’t try and experience new and more entertaining aspects of a relationship you might want to just strap that bible belt err chastity belt back on and go for the whole “I am celibate” eon in time and just give up. Really good sex consists on just going for it and just really letting go. Having sex once on the couch and then moving to the bedroom in the same awkward position every night till it really becomes boring after a week or so and then getting married and having kidz cause your bored and think it don’t get any better than this and you might as well give up on this sex thing that everyone is talking so much about really doesn’t cut it with me! I want sex that is sooo much more and pleasing that I cant even write about it here without really just getting in sooo much trouble that…
<o:p></o:p>
Sex becomes bad without experience and knowledge and out of pure boredom. Both parties just retreat and give up! The mind is a particular entreating piece of work and you may never till what is going to jump out and grab your attention. For me it’s pretty much anyth89ing with nice legs and large or small or medium breasts. The ass big or small has a place in my mind. The larger ones are for… and the smaller ones are of equal importance. Just out of pure and lustful expressions I find myself fascinated with every aspect of a woman’s bode and really just want to entertain the hell out of them.
<o:p></o:p>
Your friend’s mate was bored and played with himself too much, cause he was lazy plain and simple. He is going to move on and look to find someone that will give herself to him and be able to manipulate her to give him what he needs. Which in the long run is him lying there being spoiled and bored all at the same time. A loser, a waist of her time. Tell her to go out and experience a new spiritual sexual path to enlighten her self and make her feel better and more comfortable in her abilities to really have some fun in her life.


<o:p></o:p>




I have a girlfriend who just broke up a 5 year relationship with her fiancee.
Yes, they had a date and a ring but he decided that it wasn't what he wanted and besides that, they had lousy sex.
The 'lousy sex' part came out of nowhere for her and was very hurtful.
I told her in my eternal optimism that it was a nice thing for him to say that, since that meant he hadn't stuck around just for sexual gratification but that he saw her as a real person.
I don't think it helped, I don't think she wants to be seen as a person right now, at least not one with a Bad Sex Stigma attached to it.

But my real question is;
What is Lousy Sex?
What makes it bad for one and fine for the other?
is it ignorance or experience?

Are there any guidelines?

[shellebelle]

I think Mykil hit on a key point boredom leads to bad sex.

And I think he's right about both parties giving up as well. I know that happens. And when that happens yeh its easier to be celibate (or have an affair).




In order to have bad sex you need to understand that watching TV might be a communication breakdown and you might need to work on the whole,[ UNLESS OF COURSE YOUR WATCHING PORN]! ...


<o:p></o:p>

[ghatmandu]

What do you have on me?
I'm sorry but our files turned up no current data on you. We do offer a free, completely confidential and secure consultation upon request,act now and receive my book the Joy of Knowing, just think about how good you will feel, knowing you will enter your next relationship with complete confidence,knowing there is no one better than you when faced with those sometimes awkward moments leading up to the big bang!!!
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[pbrinton]

And I was trying to not be subtle by being subtle. Oh well. Let's put it this way: when I was a teenager, I went to a nude beach with my girlfriend. We were both lying on our tummies looking away from the water. A great big guy who looked like a handsome body builder walked by us going toward the water. His penis was so small it was nearly hidden by his pubic hair. Right behind him was a buck-toothed kid with coke bottle bottom glasses that weighed about 86 lbs. soaking wet. His tool hung down to his knees and would have made most women very nervous or very excited. My girlfriend nudged me and said, "Hey kid, come back here!"

Size matters. Bodies have to fit together to have good sex. Some ladies can't possibly be comfortable with a big one and some ladies won't be satisfied by anything less.

Know what I mean?

-Jeff

While there is certainly a fairly wide variation in the size of the erect penis between different men, the size when flaccid is not necessarily a reliable indicator. It is well known that penises that are smaller when flaccid have a greater coefficient of expansion (grow larger proportional to their flaccid size) than penises that are larger when flaccid. So while a penis that starts very small might grow comparatively large, one that starts large may only get stiffer while staying more or less the same size.

Additionally temporary conditions (mental or physical stimulation, temperature) can greatly affect the size of the penis when flaccid. I have noticed that mine at times will seem to almost disappear, while at other times it hangs out quite visibly. When ready for action, on the other hand (or maybe in the right hands) it seems to be more or less the same size every time.

Patrick Brinton

[MsTerry]

Additionally temporary conditions (mental or physical stimulation, temperature) can greatly affect the size of the penis when flaccid. I have noticed that mine at times will seem to almost disappear, while at other times it hangs out quite visibly. When ready for action, on the other hand (or maybe in the right hands) it seems to be more or less the same size every time.

Patrick Brinton

That is a great descriptive narrative , PB.
Maybe we can organize a West County Countdown or what about a Dueling Dicks Festival?

[Lorrie]

No sex is bad sex.... TMI?

[shellebelle]

Ahh yes but like a good bust line they are always wonderful to peruse! Yeh nudist resorts!!!

And of course no one has brought up the circumcision in this but it does play a part.

I think we need more details Ms Terry on the gentleman's where for alls! Inquiring minds want to know!

I have to say men are fun toys!



While there is certainly a fairly wide variation in the size of the erect penis between different men, the size when flaccid is not necessarily a reliable indicator. It is well known that penises that are smaller when flaccid have a greater coefficient of expansion (grow larger proportional to their flaccid size) than penises that are larger when flaccid. So while a penis that starts very small might grow comparatively large, one that starts large may only get stiffer while staying more or less the same size.

Additionally temporary conditions (mental or physical stimulation, temperature) can greatly affect the size of the penis when flaccid. I have noticed that mine at times will seem to almost disappear, while at other times it hangs out quite visibly. When ready for action, on the other hand (or maybe in the right hands) it seems to be more or less the same size every time.

Patrick Brinton

[decterlove]

Mine shrinks terribly whenever I were Corduroy but gains almost 4 inches, and quite a lot of girth, when I wear Dacron! Go figure! They are delicate geniuses!



Additionally temporary conditions (mental or physical stimulation, temperature) can greatly affect the size of the penis when flaccid. I have noticed that mine at times will seem to almost disappear, while at other times it hangs out quite visibly.
Patrick Brinton

[shellebelle]

LOL
Theres part of me thats yelling "pictures - proof!" and part of me going yeh I'd hide from Corduroy too - smart lil guy there!



Mine shrinks terribly whenever I were Corduroy but gains almost 4 inches, and quite a lot of girth, when I wear Dacron! Go figure! They are delicate geniuses!

[decterlove]

Yeah.....I could take a pic with my cell phone but I don't think I could get the whole thing in. There's some Dacron around here somewhere.....I need a wide angle lens.....sorry!


LOL
Theres part of me thats yelling "pictures - proof!" and part of me going yeh I'd hide from Corduroy too - smart lil guy there!

[shellebelle]

ROFLMAO - I just had to do a twist!

Yeh cell phones don't belong in the penis - bad bad concept!

:fairy: LOL! I have a wide angle! ROFLMAO! Love it!


Yeah.....I could take a pic with my cell phone but I don't think I could get the whole thing in. There's some Dacron around here somewhere.....I need a wide angle lens.....sorry!

[decterlove]

Ah, you're too easy my dear! Make a guy feel like he really knows what he's dong! Ooops, I mean doing!!!


ROFLMAO - I just had to do a twist!
LOL! I have a wide angle! ROFLMAO! Love it!

[shellebelle]

:rofl2::rofl2::rofl2::rofl2::rofl2::rofl2::rofl2::rofl2:



Ah, you're too easy my dear! Make a guy feel like he really knows what he's dong! Ooops, I mean doing!!!

[MsTerry]

With the exception of our presidential hopeful Jeff, people here tend to feel that the man is responsible for good sex.
That is a little surprising since it takes 2 to roll in the hay.
in this case, the woman is actually very much of a perfectionist and likes to plan everything out into details and give pointers as she goes along.
These traits maybe great in real life but don't do much for your sexlife (or so I have been told).

But it raises the next question for our sexperts;
Are men responsible for our pleasure?
For both man and woman?

[shellebelle]

Hmmm I'm not sure that I said the man is responsible for my pleasure especially being bi - that could be challenging particularly if a man is not present.

I do though highly believe that if any of the following is true: you do not like yourself (non sexually); you do not enjoy your personal company (non sexually), you are prone to not enjoying your partner (non sexually) then you/they will tend to not be very enjoyable sexually. I do not believe gender or build have anything to do with it. It's about you as a person.


With the exception of our presidential hopeful Jeff, people here tend to feel that the man is responsible for good sex.
That is a little surprising since it takes 2 to roll in the hay.
in this case, the woman is actually very much of a perfectionist and likes to plan everything out into details and give pointers as she goes along.
These traits maybe great in real life but don't do much for your sexlife (or so I have been told).

But it raises the next question for our sexperts;
Are men responsible for our pleasure?
For both man and woman?

[ghatmandu]

With the exception of our presidential hopeful Jeff, people here tend to feel that the man is responsible for good sex.
That is a little surprising since it takes 2 to roll in the hay.
in this case, the woman is actually very much of a perfectionist and likes to plan everything out into details and give pointers as she goes along.
These traits maybe great in real life but don't do much for your sexlife (or so I have been told).

But it raises the next question for our sexperts;
Are men responsible for our pleasure?
For both man and woman?
Ms. Terry DO YOU REALLY PLAN OUT your roll in the bedroom? Come come now my dear, mutual recipracation is a much better blueprint for great sex,spontanuity included,pointers are helpful at times.But scripted lovemaking ? So what details could you give to me? My point being both parties are responsible for unlocking the unbridled passions and desires of each other.exploring each other sometimes you lead sometimes you follow in The Dance.

[mykil]

You know in the early morning with the sun shining through all my windows and the sky lights and just waking in the arms of a beautiful woman that is just soo adorable cuddled upon in my arms, she wakes with a smile and there is nothing more pleasing to me that grabbing her by the hair and laying their upon the wonders of a woman pleasing every aspect of my desires. Oh and if she does the dishes as well this well also please the hell out of me… <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>



With the exception of our presidential hopeful Jeff, people here tend to feel that the man is responsible for good sex.
That is a little surprising since it takes 2 to roll in the hay.
in this case, the woman is actually very much of a perfectionist and likes to plan everything out into details and give pointers as she goes along.
These traits maybe great in real life but don't do much for your sexlife (or so I have been told).

But it raises the next question for our sexperts;
Are men responsible for our pleasure?
For both man and woman?

[MsTerry]

I find it fascinating how people have a hard time experiencing the way another person experiences their particular world.
Yes, ma Belle de Shelle, your analogy might be true, but it certainly is not true for everybody or bomb proof.
I still have the inclination that some people will never cross the line of mediocracy. Not because of an unwillingness or not liking themselves but just because of a physical inability to express what they feel.
We can all learn how to cook, but only half of us can make it taste goodtime after time again.


Hmmm I'm not sure that I said the man is responsible for my pleasure especially being bi - that could be challenging particularly if a man is not present.

I do though highly believe that if any of the following is true: you do not like yourself (non sexually); you do not enjoy your personal company (non sexually), you are prone to not enjoying your partner (non sexually) then you/they will tend to not be very enjoyable sexually. I do not believe gender or build have anything to do with it. It's about you as a person.

[Braggi]

With the exception of our presidential hopeful Jeff, people here tend to feel that the man is responsible for good sex.
That is a little surprising since it takes 2 to roll in the hay. ...


There you go now ... what is most important is that the lovers be compatible in a number of ways. Those ways are different for different people and there are many variables. Some couples might have a great time on a one-nighter but be utterly incompatible as house mates. Some people won't be able to enjoy the smells of another. Some folks might know immediately they are made for each other.

Two people who are utterly unable to enjoy lovemaking with each other might just find their soul mate the next night on a a date with another person.

I think most people are compatible with most people as sex partners. I'm lucky that I've been pretty compatible with most of the people I've experienced. Some have been exceptional and amazing. But there are a few where I would prefer to spend a night with myself then get in bed with them again. I imagine they have all found more compatible people than I was for them.

-Jeff

[alanora]

I have long thought that would be the best alternative to war. World leaders in a dick waggling contest would settle things for a while.....at least until the next dick shows up.mindy :thumbsup: (I prefer a fatty)


That is a great descriptive narrative , PB.
Maybe we can organize a West County Countdown or what about a Dueling Dicks Festival?

[MsTerry]

having been with someone who wasn't compatible sexually but otherwise a great match was just as devastating as having been with someone who was sexually very compatible but otherwise not.


There you go now ... what is most important is that the lovers be compatible in a number of ways. Those ways are different for different people and there are many variables. Some couples might have a great time on a one-nighter but be utterly incompatible as house mates. Some people won't be able to enjoy the smells of another. Some folks might know immediately they are made for each other.

Two people who are utterly unable to enjoy lovemaking with each other might just find their soul mate the next night on a a date with another person.

I think most people are compatible with most people as sex partners. I'm lucky that I've been pretty compatible with most of the people I've experienced. Some have been exceptional and amazing. But there are a few where I would prefer to spend a night with myself then get in bed with them again. I imagine they have all found more compatible people than I was for them.

-Jeff

[Braggi]

having been with someone who wasn't compatible sexually but otherwise a great match was just as devastating as having been with someone who was sexually very compatible but otherwise not.


Agreed. We live in a time and place where it's OK to "shop around." It makes a lot of sense to have a really good idea who it is you're committing to.

Throughout most of history there was little choice and I think a lot of people just settled for what they got and few were truly happy. The so called "sexual revolution" changed our expectations of what a sex life should be. I think it's all for the better despite the obvious problems that have come along with it.

-Jeff

[Tinque]

...
But my real question is;
What is Lousy Sex?
What makes it bad for one and fine for the other?
is it ignorance or experience?

Are there any guidelines?
I personally think that it is all rapport and ( I feel) magic. I have had men tell me that "men" are different from woman and they just fuck , at times which is completely separate from love. Well we are ALL different and I may want to fuck and make love in the same minute. I cannot judge anyone for how they feel or deal with their own sexuality, but I can For Sure tell you that there will either be passion or not. Lust or not.. Desire or not. It could be different one day to the next. For me , I crave passion and I want to not stay in the lines per say. We can teach each other good sex but realistically in my mind sex would be nothing without the complete desire and craving that one can feel and succumb to with abandonment or control. :heart:

[Tinque]

You know in the early morning with the sun shining through all my windows and the sky lights and just waking in the arms of a beautiful woman that is just soo adorable cuddled upon in my arms, she wakes with a smile and there is nothing more pleasing to me that grabbing her by the hair and laying their upon the wonders of a woman pleasing every aspect of my desires. Oh and if she does the dishes as well this well also please the hell out of me… <o:p></o:p>
My Dear Friend Mykil.. Hello first of all.. I will have to say it slightly irritated me about the "doing the dishes" part, but of course I am over it and actually thought that doing dishes naked with a great C.D playing and a pole in the kitchen , would be acceptable.. I for one , like you, am all over the realism of complete abandonment , lust and desire . It has been pretty darn rewarding so far.. My body craves the unknown and the complete loss of control or the other way around..I cherish my body for the first time in my life and I am enjoying feeling it..:tinker:

[Tinque]

I need to add one more thing to this subject and that is at the age of 45, I want to make love , fuck , be tied up , get under the table at dinner in a restaurant (or at home), spread my legs wide open , indulge myself, completely satisfy others and breathe and enjoy.. I don't want to stop...:hello: It can feel soooo good...

[loi]

i just stumbled upon this thread (the title was pretty eye-catching) and just wanted to share a model (see david schnarch) that i've recently been learning about in terms of relationships. it's about differentiation, learning to tolerate anxiety and self soothing - really taking responsibility for your own validation. if you can do all that and communicate, then sex does indeed get a lot hotter (imagine you don't have to worry about what the other thinks, or try to get them to validate you but instead can just be, feel, and enjoy!)

[Conly]

So tell us more about this "relationship model"



i just stumbled upon this thread (the title was pretty eye-catching) and just wanted to share a model (see david schnarch) that i've recently been learning about in terms of relationships. it's about differentiation, learning to tolerate anxiety and self soothing - really taking responsibility for your own validation. if you can do all that and communicate, then sex does indeed get a lot hotter (imagine you don't have to worry about what the other thinks, or try to get them to validate you but instead can just be, feel, and enjoy!)