support group 4 people who value committed relationships!

[silverhaze]

I am inspired to form a social support network group for persons who are NOT into casual sex or polygamy. For the rare individuals who wish to be with ONE person, the people who view sex as a sacred joining between a devoted couple with intent to stay together for this union to blossom and grow. to learn how to make love to each other/both spiritual and physical aspects, with focused intent. Dont flag me! my idea is that we need sanctuary from the road that is most travelled. NOT religious! we do not need to condemn or criticize those who choose absent minded genital rubbing as their sport of choice. But we should not have to be lonely either. open to both women and men. I will give free instruction on therapeutic massage tecniques (the sensual stuff u will have to figure out on your own when u finally find a partner). we can have potluck dinner parties, moderate alcohol and 420 use if ok., sadie hawkins dances anyone? hopefully some men will step up to visit, so we dont have to hunt them down. hell, ill even do some matchmaking upon request. we can have all kinds of fun. I know lots of us are just moping around at home!!!!! [email protected]

[nurturetruth]

Hi silverhaze!

I feel i may have a couple of questions for ya ...

I am in need for some clarity.

And I am curious...

Do you equate "casual sex" with "polygamy"?

Are you aware that "polygamy" IS indeed much different than "Polyamorous" ....?

Many people are different and hold a variety of feelings regarding commitment and relationships.

Perhaps not all Monogamous or " Poly/Open" couples value their commitment to one another or even their own relationship with themselves. Who knows?!
.
..and I have met Singles ...who i imagine, do not value the commitment it takes to form a good friendship, a community, etc.

Could the thread of this title be more clear , perhaps? :wink:

~ "support /match making group for the monogamous oriented singles

or

~ "support group and parties for the "Mono's"...

NEVERTHLESS... I hope you attract like minded beings in and have a great time at your potlucks "parties".... it sounds like it could be fun! :thumbsup:

https://www.cuddleparty.com



I am inspired to form a social support network group for persons who are NOT into casual sex or polygamy.

[ecotopian]

Should I infer that the lack of interest in this discussion means this area is full of casual sex and polyamory? If so, I am sure you will do just fine without me. I seek only one committed partner. Life is too short for all that drama, and I have work to do.

[shellebelle]

I value committed relationships its just that I have more than one. Did you mean too insinuate that those of us with multiple lovers are unable to be committed to them?

Are you committed to more than one child, more than one friend, more than one family (as in your and your spouses)?


Should I infer that the lack of interest in this discussion means this area is full of casual sex and polyamory? If so, I am sure you will do just fine without me. I seek only one committed partner. Life is too short for all that drama, and I have work to do.

[ecotopian]

No, I didn't mean to insinuate that. I know there are different kinds of people in this world, and it takes all kinds to make a world. I am fine with that. I was commenting on the lack of interest in the original poster's topic, since monogamy is the only kind of intimate relationship that interests me. I was wondering if the lack of interest in the topic was indicative of a demographic trend in this area. Reading your reply, however, I can see that there could be an unconscious subtext in my position. Honestly, I find it hard to find one truly compatible partner, let alone several, and I wonder where you find the time?


I value committed relationships its just that I have more than one. Did you mean too insinuate that those of us with multiple lovers are unable to be committed to them?

Are you committed to more than one child, more than one friend, more than one family (as in your and your spouses)?

[shellebelle]

Ahhhhh fair enough. Scheduling can be hard but we manage.

On the other hand I don't mind talking monogamy or talking about meeting compatible lovers.

There are several other threads on monogamy that took off better.

Though I do admit I do not have a female partner because I have found it very difficult to find one that is compatible. I assume its just as tough for males.


No, I didn't mean to insinuate that. I know there are different kinds of people in this world, and it takes all kinds to make a world. I am fine with that. I was commenting on the lack of interest in the original poster's topic, since monogamy is the only kind of intimate relationship that interests me. I was wondering if the lack of interest in the topic was indicative of a demographic trend in this area. Reading your reply, however, I can see that there could be an unconscious subtext in my position. Honestly, I find it hard to find one truly compatible partner, let alone several, and I wonder where you find the time?

[ecotopian]

Also fair enough. From my experience, and I am the first to admit that people have had widely varying experiences, a truly compatible partner is a rare treasure. I have not yet found one on this earth. So it is difficult for me to imagine having several. Perhaps I am not so outgoing. I do not seek sex for its own sake, because my heart is connected to my genitals, and I have learned through experience that I would rather do without than get with the wrong person. Better not stir it up at all than get my heart trashed and my focus distracted one more time. But doing without sucks, too, just less.

I have also found that women look at men as security objects equally as much as men see women as sex objects. Neither form of objectification will ever lead to equal partnership that grows in depth. I guess I will look around for those other threads on monogamy.


Ahhhhh fair enough. Scheduling can be hard but we manage.

On the other hand I don't mind talking monogamy or talking about meeting compatible lovers.

There are several other threads on monogamy that took off better.

Though I do admit I do not have a female partner because I have found it very difficult to find one that is compatible. I assume its just as tough for males.

[shellebelle]

Hmmmm interesting.

I don't experience that attitude. Security blankets and sex objects. I do find many (both sexes) are still carrying a lot with them from past relationships that truly interfere with their current lives.

Maybe you are fishing from the wrong pond sort to speak. Maybe fishing for salmon in a lake stocked with bluegill would be as fruitless. That's how I am seeing my desire for a female partner; nice desire, wrong pond. Don't throw in my line if I don't want whats in there.

PS I see most men/women as good books, worth reading more than once! I may just decide their story doesn't fit my life now.


Also fair enough. From my experience, and I am the first to admit that people have had widely varying experiences, a truly compatible partner is a rare treasure. I have not yet found one on this earth. So it is difficult for me to imagine having several. Perhaps I am not so outgoing. I do not seek sex for its own sake, because my heart is connected to my genitals, and I have learned through experience that I would rather do without than get with the wrong person. Better not stir it up at all than get my heart trashed and my focus distracted one more time. But doing without sucks, too, just less.

I have also found that women look at men as security objects equally as much as men see women as sex objects. Neither form of objectification will ever lead to equal partnership that grows in depth. I guess I will look around for those other threads on monogamy.

[thewholetruth]

The truth is that there are reasons why people sleep around with multiple partners, and I'm like you, and always have been. I've always wanted someone to share my life with, who would share theirs with me, who valued the commitment like I do so that we might have the opportunity to get through the shallow phoniness that comes when two horny people first meet, and to grow past the comfortableness (is that a word? LOL) that comes when people finally let their guards down and be honest about who they really are, warts and all, to get to that place where we can truly hear each other, receive each others' observations about how we are, and talk about it with someone who has been with us long enough to really get to know us.

People who engage in intimate relationships with more than one person at a time do so for distinct reasons (which I won't go into for less than my $175/hour counseling fee :wink:). All of us would truly love to find someone we love who loves us enough to make a commitment to walk this life out together. Not all of us are willing or able to admit that, because not all of us are healthy enough to be able to BE that for someone else. America is one dysfuntional country, that's for sure.

I was excited to see this thread here. It's unfortunate, but says a lot, that it isn't full of posts by excited individuals seeking the same thing, but I don't believe it's because they aren't out there on WaccoBB. I believe it's because they can't bring themselves to be vulnerable enough to admit that they really don't know how to do this. It's easier to just go where the wind blows than it is to commit to a given path and stay the course.

BTW, I'm 12 years into my marriage and have weathered a lot so far. Both of us are still committed to being there for each other, to being an anchor for one another whenever we're able (not everyone is strong all the time), and to see this life out together, hand-in-hand. I praise God for my wife. :thumbsup:

Don


Also fair enough. From my experience, and I am the first to admit that people have had widely varying experiences, a truly compatible partner is a rare treasure. I have not yet found one on this earth. So it is difficult for me to imagine having several. Perhaps I am not so outgoing. I do not seek sex for its own sake, because my heart is connected to my genitals, and I have learned through experience that I would rather do without than get with the wrong person. Better not stir it up at all than get my heart trashed and my focus distracted one more time. But doing without sucks, too, just less.

I have also found that women look at men as security objects equally as much as men see women as sex objects. Neither form of objectification will ever lead to equal partnership that grows in depth. I guess I will look around for those other threads on monogamy.

[shellebelle]

Don,

There are many things in your post that I disagree with.

The biggest is that for some reason because someone has multiple lovers they are uncommitted to them or its a passing physical act.

My spouse came into our relationship knowing I had old lovers in my life and exhusbands none of whom were going anywhere. He knew my baggage wasn't traditional - it was relationships that despite being ready to move to another level were still on many levels active. That these relationships could re-activate any time and included primarily men who were friends and lovers.

I have been with my spouse 8 years as of October 18. We were monogamous until 2004.

What I want you to see is the time line here. I have been with my spouse only 4 years less than you have with yours yet my history with my friends/lovers date back many years and having a relationship that allows me to treasure these original relationships is magnificent! I did not choose polyamour because I wanted more sex it was because I love so big!

My friends - My lovers
These are the ones who currently fit as both.

23 years - Kev has been in my life off and on and I am celebrating his return.

16 years - Dave has been a friend and when we are both available lovers. My son with my current spouse is named somewhat for him.

8 years - Alex and I have been friends 8 years in June, I believe, we have been lovers about 4 years.


I also have two fairly young friend/lover relationships one of 3 months and one o 2 months.

Having these amazing and wonderful men in my life is incredible and it enriches my life.

And I can guarantee you if you asked my brother, my children, or even most the men if I was committed to these men they'd tell you, yes. They might even say I was too invested.

So Don as much as you may say
People who engage in intimate relationships with more than one person at a time do so for distinct reasons (which I won't go into for less than my $175/hour counseling fee <img title="Wink" alt="" border="0">). I can tell you; I wouldn't change my life for anyone; I truly love my friends/lovers deeply and I can't imagine that my life would ever improve without them as much as it has improved with them!

So Don as much as you think the wind blows the polyamour crowd I hold the truth that my path twist and turns and despite having times I'd like to jump off of it - its mine and I am committed to it.

Also one of the best parts of my life. I never say goodbye it's just I love you.



It's easier to just go where the wind blows than it is to commit to a given path and stay the course.

Don

[ecotopian]

Don,

I don't know many happily married people. Polys would say this is because marriage just isn't in line with our true nature. I don't want to judge others, just to find what's right for me. Perhaps there really are people for whom polyamory is not dysfunctional. But when I look at the tendency of the human race toward addiction and distraction, and see what a powerful force is the urge to seek a new thrill rather than dig in & solve problems, I am left with more questions than answers. One couple I know, who are happily married, put it this way: Overall, sex isn't a big part of their relationship. They are grateful and happy to be sexually compatible and still attracted to one another, to be sure, but this is not where they spend most of their time. This makes sense to me, as life is short & work is long. Keeping one's bases covered and accomplishing anything worth accomplishing takes most people most of their time. I wonder if Polyamory is more prevalent among people who don't have to work, like trust fund types? On the other hand, maybe they really have solved more problems than the rest of us, and are living & loving large & free. I tend to doubt this, because from where I stand, I am looking at a ton of work all the time, and life is not a party. There are things I want to accomplish. Big things. And I am not getting any younger. I think the landscape of love is littered with the walking wounded.


The truth is that there are reasons why people sleep around with multiple partners

[shellebelle]

I am not a trust fund baby, hell, my parents didn't even have a college fund for me!

I work just shy of full time and when you add in my commute it is full time. Most the poly's I know do they same.

But I see possibly a different attitude. I am seeing it in the writing but it is hard to say if its really there. You say
I am looking at a ton of work all the time, and life is not a party. I see things a bit different.

My work is easy, enjoyable and I finish it mostly on time. I laugh a lot at work and am passionate about my job. I love the people I work with they; are fantastic. My finances are in order and growing. My family is happy and doing things they like because I have taken care of my responsibilities. I remind myself daily to be thankful for everything and I have no complaints. There are still things I want to do and accomplish; on the other hand I have no desire to rush and not enjoy the journey so if I miss something along the way, well, I decided a long time ago it wasn't going to be my relationships.

No life isn't a party but it can be close if you have fun in most everything you do.



I wonder if Polyamory is more prevalent among people who don't have to work, like trust fund types? On the other hand, maybe they really have solved more problems than the rest of us, and are living & loving large & free. I tend to doubt this, because from where I stand, I am looking at a ton of work all the time, and life is not a party. There are things I want to accomplish. Big things. And I am not getting any younger. I think the landscape of love is littered with the walking wounded.

[ecotopian]

Well, Shelle, I always said living well is the best revenge. Congratulations! I am working on these things, and feel pretty fortunate overall. But as you mentioned earlier, perhaps aspects of past relationships, and past in general still overshadow my present. But even if I had all that together, I am pretty sure I'd still be monogamous. So it might just be a personal preference.


I am not a trust fund baby, hell, my parents didn't even have a college fund for me!

I work just shy of full time and when you add in my commute it is full time. Most the poly's I know do they same.

But I see possibly a different attitude. I am seeing it in the writing but it is hard to say if its really there. You say I see things a bit different.

My work is easy, enjoyable and I finish it mostly on time. I laugh a lot at work and am passionate about my job. I love the people I work with they; are fantastic. My finances are in order and growing. My family is happy and doing things they like because I have taken care of my responsibilities. I remind myself daily to be thankful for everything and I have no complaints. There are still things I want to do and accomplish; on the other hand I have no desire to rush and not enjoy the journey so if I miss something along the way, well, I decided a long time ago it wasn't going to be my relationships.

No life isn't a party but it can be close if you have fun in most everything you do.

[shellebelle]

Oh absolutely but beyond personal preference - it can be by nature! My spouse is by nature monogamous. We've shared a few experiences but he's really monogamous.

And I love monogamy on others just not on me. Like that wonderful yet uncomfortable sports car we all oooooh and awwwww over but the fact is it doesn't fit me but it's nice to look at and appreciate.

And you may find accepting that you are monogamous can be just as freeing as it was for me to accept I was not monogamous.


But even if I had all that together, I am pretty sure I'd still be monogamous. So it might just be a personal preference.