Bloomberg to buy presidency??

[Sara S]

January 14, 2008
Bloomberg Still Deciding Whether to Buy the Presidency


Price Remains Sticking Point, Aides Say


New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is “still trying to decide” whether to buy the U.S. presidency, aides to Mr. Bloomberg confirmed today, with the sticking point reportedly being the steep price of such an acquisition.

In recent weeks, Mr. Bloomberg had been sending out positive signals about his interest in buying the highest office in the land, raising hopes among supporters that he might be preparing to throw his wallet in the ring.

In a speech in Oklahoma last week, for example, the mayor told an enthralled crowd, “In these divisive times, I believe that the American people are yearning for the leadership of a whiny billionaire.”

Mr. Bloomberg even floated a possible campaign slogan: “Vote For Me and I’ll Give you $10,000.”

Aides close to the mayor indicated that there were other positive signs as well, noting that Mr. Bloomberg had recently transferred $2 billion into his day-to-day checking account.

“With that kind of money, you could either buy the White House or ten Mitt Romneys,” said one aide familiar with the cash transfer.

But according to one of Mr. Bloomberg’s advisers who spoke on condition of anonymity, falling real estate prices in the U.S. may have given the mayor cold feet about buying the presidency.

“At this point, buying the United States isn’t looking like such a good investment,” the adviser said. “At the end of the day, Mike might be better off buying Canada.”

Elsewhere, in a positive development for Vice President Dick Cheney, scientists in a laboratory at the University of Minnesota created a living rat’s heart.


www.borowitzreport.com

[theindependenteye]

Lovely article.

It induces me to propose a policy I've been considering for a long time. Seems bizarre, but give it some thought.

Why not fill all public offices, from local to national levels, not by elections but by auction? The city council seat, the Senate slot, the Presidency -- all go to the highest bidder.

The revenue would go into the respective government coffers rather than to the TV networks, and vast sums would be raised, probably enough to fund universal health care *and* war with Iran -- especially if we require that the losing bidders also pay what they bid. We'd instill a healthier public dialogue: candidates would be spared the moral contortions required to appeal to a dumbed-down electorate, and the electorate could leave aside the divisive fears and hatreds stirred up by the campaigns and come together in a common disgust at the winners.

It's late, so I won't extend the premise further, but surely someone can pick up the ball and run with it or run it into the ground. Buy direct: elminate the middle men.

Cheers--
Conrad

[Muel]

And then the winner of this lovely auction would have the whole pot to play around with! Barbara


Lovely article.

It induces me to propose a policy I've been considering for a long time. Seems bizarre, but give it some thought.

Why not fill all public offices, from local to national levels, not by elections but by auction? The city council seat, the Senate slot, the Presidency -- all go to the highest bidder.

The revenue would go into the respective government coffers rather than to the TV networks, and vast sums would be raised, probably enough to fund universal health care *and* war with Iran -- especially if we require that the losing bidders also pay what they bid. We'd instill a healthier public dialogue: candidates would be spared the moral contortions required to appeal to a dumbed-down electorate, and the electorate could leave aside the divisive fears and hatreds stirred up by the campaigns and come together in a common disgust at the winners.

It's late, so I won't extend the premise further, but surely someone can pick up the ball and run with it or run it into the ground. Buy direct: elminate the middle men.

Cheers--
Conrad

[Sara S]

I guess I'm not supposed to reprint an entire column here, but nearly a year ago, Jon Carroll wrote a column in the Chronicle in which he said, among a lot of other very interesting things that are relevant to this topic, "'Running for president' is an American phrase meaning 'asking for money.'"
He also said "Being president is the only job where wanting it should result in immediate disqualification."

You can read the whole column at sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2007/01/24/DD, I think, or just go to sfgate.com and to columnists, then to Jon C's archives, for Jan 24, 2007.

Conrad's proposed policy looks like an excellent answer to the problems of political candidacies as seen by Mr. Carroll.


Lovely article.

It induces me to propose a policy I've been considering for a long time. Seems bizarre, but give it some thought.

Why not fill all public offices, from local to national levels, not by elections but by auction? The city council seat, the Senate slot, the Presidency -- all go to the highest bidder.

The revenue would go into the respective government coffers rather than to the TV networks, and vast sums would be raised, probably enough to fund universal health care *and* war with Iran -- especially if we require that the losing bidders also pay what they bid. We'd instill a healthier public dialogue: candidates would be spared the moral contortions required to appeal to a dumbed-down electorate, and the electorate could leave aside the divisive fears and hatreds stirred up by the campaigns and come together in a common disgust at the winners.

It's late, so I won't extend the premise further, but surely someone can pick up the ball and run with it or run it into the ground. Buy direct: elminate the middle men.

Cheers--
Conrad