Love?

[eccentrichild]

I hid for over a year after this last relationship. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
After morning and healing I started feeling like a woman again and dancing, writing, playing my guitar...living...I realized I made choices I was not aware of and i put aside things that were important to me. I was living for him for far too long!!! Yikes. I am finally learning to really live for me and make conscious decisions about behavior and direction. I am also learning to hold on to my power. I do not think many people love in a healthy way.<o:p></o:p>
I am feeling like love should be a gift given and let go of. Most people love with a cling, with expectations, me included. I am still looking hard at that one, loving. The problem with romantic love is the sex ray. Pheromones, hormones and the sex ray thing, it just caddywompadooodle the brain cells.<o:p></o:p>
I am an idiot half the time when I fall, float or become absorbed by a man. That is what scares me about face to face contact, that sucking feeling…gahhhh!<o:p></o:p>
Life has become a private class for me since I have been completely alone and had the space and time to reflect and get a little nuts. I can do what ever I want and there is no one I disrupt or to disturb me. I am loving my space, even when I get teary and crave to be held, pampered and get all gooey, sticky, and moist…<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Mom was an astrologer so I was exposed to a spectrum of occult characters every Friday night for years while I was a teen. I engaged so many people seeking meanings and reasons “for it all” and I have come to the conclusion it is all about love. Learning is a way to know and love this life and the connections we make with all the creatures that share this planet would never survive without love to pull us through the dysfunction and lack of for thought. <o:p></o:p>
So we try to function in this unpredictable emotional environment and the only reason and rhyme of love is in poetry and songs. The reality of love is chaos just like the universe. <o:p></o:p>
It is our minds that perceive order in the messy life we live. Or so it seems…No guarantees, just dive right in and test the waters or stand on the shore and listen to the waves, or float in a boat or find a water fall…so many ways and kinds of love. <o:p></o:p>
I even love my fear, it protects and warns me, it motivates and inspires me.<o:p></o:p>
Fear is also a place to hide and a destroyer. Like everything has light and dark. Love also can destroy more wholly and completely then any bomb. Love is a strange and wonderful event I am trying to compromise with…Lauri Love…

[Lorrie]

I can totally relate to this post... I have been learning things last year and this, about everything you have said here. I am kind of in the same position. Reply to me privately if you would like to discuss what I have found out.
:heart:

I hid for over a year after this last relationship. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
After morning and healing I started feeling like a woman again and dancing, writing, playing my guitar...living...I realized I made choices I was not aware of and i put aside things that were important to me. I was living for him for far too long!!! Yikes. I am finally learning to really live for me and make conscious decisions about behavior and direction. I am also learning to hold on to my power. I do not think many people love in a healthy way.<o:p></o:p>
I am feeling like love should be a gift given and let go of. Most people love with a cling, with expectations, me included. I am still looking hard at that one, loving. The problem with romantic love is the sex ray. Pheromones, hormones and the sex ray thing, it just caddywompadooodle the brain cells.<o:p></o:p>
I am an idiot half the time when I fall, float or become absorbed by a man. That is what scares me about face to face contact, that sucking feeling…gahhhh!<o:p></o:p>
Life has become a private class for me since I have been completely alone and had the space and time to reflect and get a little nuts. I can do what ever I want and there is no one I disrupt or to disturb me. I am loving my space, even when I get teary and crave to be held, pampered and get all gooey, sticky, and moist…<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Mom was an astrologer so I was exposed to a spectrum of occult characters every Friday night for years while I was a teen. I engaged so many people seeking meanings and reasons “for it all” and I have come to the conclusion it is all about love. Learning is a way to know and love this life and the connections we make with all the creatures that share this planet would never survive without love to pull us through the dysfunction and lack of for thought. <o:p></o:p>
So we try to function in this unpredictable emotional environment and the only reason and rhyme of love is in poetry and songs. The reality of love is chaos just like the universe. <o:p></o:p>
It is our minds that perceive order in the messy life we live. Or so it seems…No guarantees, just dive right in and test the waters or stand on the shore and listen to the waves, or float in a boat or find a water fall…so many ways and kinds of love. <o:p></o:p>
I even love my fear, it protects and warns me, it motivates and inspires me.<o:p></o:p>
Fear is also a place to hide and a destroyer. Like everything has light and dark. Love also can destroy more wholly and completely then any bomb. Love is a strange and wonderful event I am trying to compromise with…Lauri Love…

[singles2couples.org]

I suggest “Female Authority” by Polly Young Eisendrath, especially the very end of the book, to every woman who goes through this stage.




I can totally relate to this post... I have been learning things last year and this, about everything you have said here. I am kind of in the same position. Reply to me privately if you would like to discuss what I have found out.
:heart:

[Willie Lumplump]

I do not think many people love in a healthy way.
Could be. But different people seem to have very different needs. Some seem to be able to "outgrow" (if that's the word) the intense need for a partner and just appreciate a partner if one shows up (or at least that's what they say). As for me, I recognized long ago that a close, lasting relationship with a woman is something that I NEED in order to find satisfaction in life. So rather than try to overcome my weaknesses (i.e, my intense need), I decided to develop my strengths. I got to be very good at finding women (although, for a long time, not very good at recognizing suitable women). And I got to be extremely resilient when a relationship didn't last. Finally, by the time I reached my late 50's, I was pretty well-equipped for finding suitable partners. So I found one. That lasted three and a half years before she died. Now here I am a year later with another partner--a really good one. Life is so random and perverse, but overall, if you stick with it, you can see an upward trend. I wish you all the best.

[decterlove]

nice post......tough topic......glad Willie found a way.....I'm still left wondering why my last time out was such a bust......but I did find out there are other things to do in life.........besides love.