living memories

[ThePhiant]

one of the things LuLu was hoping to see on Wacco was a place for people to post about losses in their live.
you can write about your cat who died
your car that you had to sell, but still cherish
the girlfriend you never had a chance to see again
or a person who died
as long as it is a personal loss, I invite you to post it here
and make it a lasting acnowledgement of our past
thanks

Ms Terry

LuLu never posted this herself, she felt that few people could see past her monniker

[Valley Oak]

I foreskin was cut away from me when I was a small, defenseless child. I was abused and mutilated and there are no laws against this horrific and cruel act of violence. Circumcision is widespread and routinely perpetrated on babies and small children today.

Edward

[ChristineL]

Some months ago a "lady" I knew and had excellent conversations with passed. She had a heart attack and died at home with her partner at her side, she was only 56. Her name was Stephanie and I felt she was someone whose passing was a loss to the community. She was born a man, and as a result of her mother having taken a certain medication, Stephanie was also XXY. Her physiognomy was male, her soul and some of her hormone functions female. She was a war veteran and allowed herself to become who she really felt she was in her 50's. I have never met anyone as sure of, and secure in, her identity as she was. She was incredibly compassionate and free of hate and anger. She once told me that those who judged her, and couldn't accept her as she was, were the ones losing out as she was a truly good person. She was. She felt no anger or bitterness against those who made fun, or sent hatred her way. I once asked how she saw herself, (transvetite, cross-dresser or transexual), her simple answer was "Stephanie". The VA will give the hormones to someone who is sincerely "in the wrong body", but will not perform the surgery. Stephenie's dream was to become a total woman and she was trying to put the money together to have it in Thailand where it is much less expensive. Her deadline was her 58th birthday as no one will perform the surgery on someone over that age.

We were not close, but every conversation I had with her was special. Speaking with her always gave me a good feeling; She never judged anybody, felt no hatred and was remarkably free of anger. She wore truly beautiful clothes, often decorated with butterflies. These were symbolic to her as she saw herself as coming out of her cocoon and becoming who and what she had always felt she was. When I'm at the RRR sitting at my table doing readings, I still find myself looking for the familiar sparkle of her clothes and jewelry. I miss her. As much as I work at walking my path with sincerity, compassion and freedom from anger and resentments, she did it better than I. I learned a lot from her.

Her soul was female, and I choose to believe that she can now be exactly who she was.

[Tinque]

I have to say that there is alot to this. Losses are different for everyone and 'we" in general as a culture do not fare well with loss. (In my opinion) The first thing that came to mind for me was watching my mother losing herself. She was the most strong, determined ,loving , giving, off the beat ,beautiful woman. I am so much like her and I appreciate so much the values and stregnth she distilled in me. Yet over the years of change and divorces, I watched her inner soul be stripped away from herself, her self esteem, her stregnth. It is so hard to watch that happen and really not be able to do a thing. I get dumbfounded when my mother now chastizes me for taking in strays( whether they are animal or human) ,she has changed so much and I feel such a huge loss and try to remind her that she is an incredible woman and I love her. I have realized that we (most of us) , really need to be loved , touched respected and on a daily basis. It is like water or food or whatever supposedly helps us survive.I miss my mom, yet she is here.

[Willie Lumplump]

I foreskin was cut away from me when I was a small, defenseless child. I was abused and mutilated and there are no laws against this horrific and cruel act of violence. Circumcision is widespread and routinely perpetrated on babies and small children today.Edward

Well, it sure beats a case of AIDS. Circumcision reduces HIV transmission by 70%. To me, this seems like a case where individual rights must take a back seat to the good of the whole community.

[scorpiomoon]

I have to say that there is alot to this. Losses are different for everyone and 'we" in general as a culture do not fare well with loss. (In my opinion) The first thing that came to mind for me was watching my mother losing herself. She was the most strong, determined ,loving , giving, off the beat ,beautiful woman. I am so much like her and I appreciate so much the values and stregnth she distilled in me. Yet over the years of change and divorces, I watched her inner soul be stripped away from herself, her self esteem, her stregnth. It is so hard to watch that happen and really not be able to do a thing. I get dumbfounded when my mother now chastizes me for taking in strays( whether they are animal or human) ,she has changed so much and I feel such a huge loss and try to remind her that she is an incredible woman and I love her. I have realized that we (most of us) , really need to be loved , touched respected and on a daily basis. It is like water or food or whatever supposedly helps us survive.I miss my mom, yet she is here.
Thank you for these observations, Tinque. I have felt the same loss. My mother and I met when I was fourteen. I learned about her from third parties and pieced together her story as I waited to meet her. What I learned was she was a trained classical pianist who at 14 was already on her way to a sparkling future in music. A prodigy by all accounts. Something happened to her. What happened was this. It is my greatest sadness -- she was sexually assaulted and became pregnant. This thing changed all our lives. There was an abortion before Roe v. Wade in a barn somewhere in Indiana. Soon after this she suffered what at the time was diagnosed as rheumatic fever. Turns out it was her first schitzophrenic episonde. Beautiful Talented full of life vivacious. Her friends have told me she was very sexual long before it was acceptable. From how they explained it they loved her anyway, but not everyone did. So this sadness I carry . The reverberations through four marriages three children, a suicide attempt (she shot herself through the heart when I was a newborn) Shock Therapy LSD & all this tragedy.

I love her SO MUCH. I feel her pain even now. She was soft, sweet and a little umm emptied I guess from the Shock and medicines for schitzophrenia. What I see, the woman I know and love is to this day my baby & my sweetheart. And although she rarely plays the piano for anyone, she did for me. She played all the complex and most beautiful compositions for hours the fire of her former years reflected there. I listened and cried. I am crying for her still. For all of us who loose ourselves in love or who suffer. For men who see empowered beautiful women and choose to silence them through violence or other means. This mark this rape & destruction, my sister(s) & I, we carry each other away from that storm. My sweet mother she reaches through me and says shhh. I survived so I could love you. And that is exactly what she did.:heart:

I wish I could have had a little more time with her. We were making a home for her here in Sonoma County when she died. For all who still have their mothers, hug them love them, & thanks for listening:heart:

[Tinque]

You completely through me askew and I am now in tears and they are falling upon my keyboard . Thank you for sharing your story because this is what it is about... communication. I do not know , though I am a word person, exactly how to respond, but I actually think that it is unnecessary :heart::heart:Tinque

Thank you for these observations, Tinque. I have felt the same loss. My mother and I met when I was fourteen. I learned about her from third parties and pieced together her story as I waited to meet her. What I learned was she was a trained classical pianist who at 14 was already on her way to a sparkling future in music. A prodigy by all accounts. Something happened to her. What happened was this. It is my greatest sadness -- she was sexually assaulted and became pregnant. This thing changed all our lives. There was an abortion before Roe v. Wade in a barn somewhere in Indiana. Soon after this she suffered what at the time was diagnosed as rheumatic fever. Turns out it was her first schitzophrenic episonde. Beautiful Talented full of life vivacious. Her friends have told me she was very sexual long before it was acceptable. From how they explained it they loved her anyway, but not everyone did. So this sadness I carry . The reverberations through four marriages three children, a suicide attempt (she shot herself through the heart when I was a newborn) Shock Therapy LSD & all this tragedy.

I love her SO MUCH. I feel her pain even now. She was soft, sweet and a little umm emptied I guess from the Shock and medicines for schitzophrenia. What I see, the woman I know and love is to this day my baby & my sweetheart. And although she rarely plays the piano for anyone, she did for me. She played all the complex and most beautiful compositions for hours the fire of her former years reflected there. I listened and cried. I am crying for her still. For all of us who loose ourselves in love or who suffer. For men who see empowered beautiful women and choose to silence them through violence or other means. This mark this rape & destruction, my sister(s) & I, we carry each other away from that storm. My sweet mother she reaches through me and says shhh. I survived so I could love you. And that is exactly what she did.:heart:

I wish I could have had a little more time with her. We were making a home for her here in Sonoma County when she died. For all who still have their mothers, hug them love them, & thanks for listening:heart:

[Barry]

This thread got rather sidetrack by some effects of trolling. I have split that discussion off into its own thread in the Censored & Un-Censored (https://www.waccobb.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=104) category called The Art of Trolling (https://www.waccobb.net/forums/showthread.php?t=28495).

I hope this thread can return to its regularly scheduled programming of:


...post about losses in their life.
you can write about your cat who died
your car that you had to sell, but still cherish
the girlfriend you never had a chance to see again
or a person who died
as long as it is a personal loss, I invite you to post it here
and make it a lasting acknowledgment of our past...

Would some one be so kind to help restart this thread?

As for my self losses haven't played a big part in my life. My "losses" been more internal, like the loss of innocence/basic trust and self-esteem from sexual abuse...

My biggest external loss, was also all but intangible: When I was married, we "lost" 4 or 5 embryos at 6-8 weeks of gestation, before receiving some hi-tech treatment the helped make my 2 wonderful teenage daughters possible! It was real hard...

Speaking of daughters, I've got to run and help my first born get her first car!

[Valley Oak]

I really like the way that Barry has divvied up personal loss between internal and external. It made me think of my own personal losses (which at the age of 46 amount to quite a few by now) and try to pigeon hole them in this way. It's an interesting exercise because by simply trying to categorize my losses as fitting into one group or the other (internal versus external), I get a better understanding of them and this helps a little bit to heal over the old wounds. But I think it will take me quite a few hours to inventory all of the losses I've experience in my entire life!

Thanks,

Edward


This thread got rather sidetrack by some effects of trolling. I have split that discussion off into its own thread in the Censored & Un-Censored (https://www.waccobb.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=104) category called The Art of Trolling (https://www.waccobb.net/forums/showthread.php?t=28495).

I hope this thread can return to its regularly scheduled programming of:



Would some one be so kind to help restart this thread?

As for my self losses haven't played a big part in my life. My "losses" been more internal, like the loss of basic trust and self-esteem from sexual abuse...

My biggest external loss, was also all but intangible: When I was married, we "lost" 4 or 5 embryos at 6-8 weeks of gestation, before receiving some hi-tech treatment the helped make my 2 wonderful teenage daughters possible! It was real hard...

Speaking of daughters, I've got to run and help my first born get her first car!

[ChristineL]

I still like this thread and am willing to take the chance of posting on it again.

I have gone through a lot of losses in my life, many more serious than the one I'm about to talk about. To many the loss of a pet seems minor in the scope of all life's tragedies, however I still do miss my friend Toughy after all these years.

I adopted Toughy, a beautiful buff colored long haired cat when I was twenty-one and newly married. I originally was not going to pick him as he was truly beautiful and I knew he would be easily adopted. As I passed his cage he did the whole "kitty seduction thing", purring, rubbing against the front of the cage and rolling onto his back. I asked to hold him. I took him in my arms and he wrapped both front paws tightly around my neck and purred in my ear. He was mine.

He was loving, stubborn and exceptionally smart. The first night he spent in my house, I had left him in the living room and closed the bedroom door. I was awakened by a purring cat on my chest. I figured I hadn't quite closed the door and put him out again making sure to shut the door tightly. Five minutes later he was on my chest again. He had turned the door knob and pushed his way in. Although friendly with everyone he encountered, it was obvious he was my cat. He would sit in my lap when I cried and wash the tears off my face.

My marriage turned out to be a bad mistake and a disaster. I left after the first time my husband physically attacked me. I took Toughy with me. He was a most entertaining cat who could spend as long as three hours focused on how to get a door opened. I had him for fourteen years. During that time I once went through a depression...it was having to feed him and care for him that got me out of bed and to work every day.

I once had an argument with an ex in my apartment, someone Toughy had liked a lot. During the argument I noticed this eleven pound cat was at my feet preparing to pounce on my antagonist.

When I would go on vacation, or away for a day or two, Toughy would give me a bad time when I returned. One or two days would get me a few hours of rejection, a week would get me a day or so. He'd start out running to me purring...would stop...look at me, and hiss.

He loved white grapes as well as white wine and champagne. Once guests thought the way he begged for, and tried to steal, sips of wine was so cute everyone gave him ten fingers (one by one) dipped in champagne. I had to cut the cat off...he was drunk. He would go out with me on a halter and leash and loved young children and dogs.

He was always particularly seductive and affectionate with people who didn't like cats. By the time they'd leave, they wanted to take him with them.

In 1985 my furry friend went into kidney failure and I took him to be put to sleep. He died in my arms...it was the right thing to do for him...I did cry for weeks and still do miss him to this day. I have wonderful cats, but they'll never be another Toughy.

[Willie Lumplump]

I have wonderful cats, but they'll never be another Toughy.
"Pets" is sort of a default name for the animals who share our lives. I don't know of any really satisfactory name. I look at my pets not only as individuals with their own personalities but as representatives of a whole way of being that originated an inconceivably long time ago. The line that led to dogs split from the line that led to humans well over 50 million years ago, and for all that time the two ways of being evolved independently of each other. Then, suddenly, about 20,000 years ago, the two lines came together again in new sense--in the sharing of family life. The idea that these two distantly related species have come to live together and understand each other and be a part of each other's lives just fills me with a sort of reverential joy. I use the word "pets" just like anybody else does, but when I say "pet" I really mean another of Gaia's children, another way of being, another evolutionary line that is, in a real sense, the equal of our own. What luck it is to be able to share my life with these marvelous creatures. And of course, individuals of all lines die, but the lines continue on, making their lives together. What a joyful thought that is to me!

[alanora]

Ya got me going on my best ever cat Oscar. I was crying for a bit from the sharp missing of him which has yet to soften, when I realized the largest portion of emotion was plain gratitude for him having shared his life with us/me for almost twenty years, never straying. We selected him from a litter when he was just a few weeks old, due to him attacking my shoe which at the time was substantially larger than him. The human birth family wanted to make sure he got the proper instructions from his mom so it was a few weeks before we took him home. He was quite the hunter...somehow managing to carry a huge wild southern ca rabbit over a ten foot fence, and collecting a ginormous number of skullls and feet of the rodentia he would kill. He had stayed in hotels on luxurious bedding as well as in campgrounds on tree stumps, and in a tent. He flew in the plane cabin with us and got out of the crate to visit with different folk on very noisy flights to and from south dakota, where the maid reported that she knew he was old when he payed no attention to her and the vacuum. In his dotage he would be passed around by teenage friends of my own then teenaged daughter and enjoy each lap for a bit. I was determined to make his passing as nice as possible and had decided to let him suck on the petromalt hairball flavor tube he so loved while getting the final meds injected into his veins, so he could go out with a favorite flavor on his tongue, and not be afraid. Had a dear friend with me for support as this was a difficult move for me. It seems that this friend had never been aware that passing could be ok and not a horror, so Oscar's last breath was a gift to yet another, as all the ones in the interim from birth to death had been for me. He watches over me now...perhaps he and Toughy are in community as well?! Thanks for the catharsis this saturday morning show. me


I still like this thread and am willing to take the chance of posting on it again.