How to Heal ones Heart?

[Tinque]

Life is , as everyone knows , so overwhelming and at times ,difficult , testing and demanding. I want to know if anyone has advise to help heal ones heart! :heart: I have never been good at being anything but myself, which is pure me , honest , crazy , loving , eccentric, playfull, hardworking,absolutely out of the lines, yet the best person you could ever know, because I truly care. Maybe a bit too much ..But my heart is hurting and I do not at this time know how to relieve it's pain..I chainsawed for a bit and that was great. I built Lego structures with my son and that was really fantastic, yet now that my wonderful child is safe and warm and asleep I find myself very sad and alone. I let myself put my heart out to someone and it was a bad choice (once again).. Tears come easily and my heart actually aches. I can give myself lots of advise yet it really doesn't work. Any ideas?

[Juggledude]

Life is , as everyone knows , so overwhelming and at times ,difficult , testing and demanding. I want to know if anyone has advise to help heal ones heart! :heart: I have never been good at being anything but myself, which is pure me , honest , crazy , loving , eccentric, playfull, hardworking,absolutely out of the lines, yet the best person you could ever know, because I truly care. Maybe a bit too much ..But my heart is hurting and I do not at this time know how to relieve it's pain..I chainsawed for a bit and that was great. I built Lego structures with my son and that was really fantastic, yet now that my wonderful child is safe and warm and asleep I find myself very sad and alone. I let myself put my heart out to someone and it was a bad choice (once again).. Tears come easily and my heart actually aches. I can give myself lots of advise yet it really doesn't work. Any ideas?

Poor Tinque,

first, a big hug, here ya go *** HUG ***

I'll stand next to you, and empathize, to hear your pain and perhaps, in some fashion, by sharing it, spread it out over more shoulders, making it a bit easier to carry.

Next, let's get your heart some love!

The distilled high proof stuff you are hurting from may not be ready at hand just now, but the amply nourishing though sometimes less obvious sort which comes from community, from friends, from life itself surrounds us.

And, I have it on good faith, there's a infinite supply of highly potent love energy within each of us, just waiting to be tapped. The path to this can be elusive at times, perhaps for you it will be through meditation, through fasting, through worship, through bacchanalian revelry.. but rest assured, the path exists, even if not apparent right now.

The fact that you ARE hurting proves this true, for there is no pain without love. You are goddess, you are lovable, you are loved, you ARE love. Ya, I know, fat lotta good that does at the moment, but perhaps... just perhaps.

Love Ya,

(and looking forward to eventually meeting ya!)

Royce

[Willie Lumplump]

I can give myself lots of advise yet it really doesn't work. Any ideas?

Do you have a network of support? Friends? Family? If so, this would be a good time to let them know that you're in need of their company. And sometimes just the company of a loved one is enough to dispel some of the pain, at least temporarily. If you don't have a support network, you might want to consider finding one. Other wacco members probably could suggest better than I could how to do that in this area. If you feel a need, you're welcome to contact me privately. I have lots of time and, I must say, lots of understanding about heartbreak since I've had my share of it and probably more. Good luck, and keep us posted in how you're doing.

[Zeno Swijtink]

Helping others who are in a bad spot can be healing and nurturing.

Check out the Volunteer Center of Sonoma County

https://www.volunteernow.org/

[joshuamorris]

No solutions. When my wife passed over I felt as if I had a literal hole in my chest. I could weep at the drop of a hat (and can do so now 6 years later) yet I found vitality in it also. My ego was flattened, humbled, I felt equal to all other souls. Now of course I'm back to my ordinary stupid clod self (a joke isn't funny if it's not true in some way). For what it's worth.

[Willie Lumplump]

Life is , as everyone knows , so overwhelming and at times ,difficult , testing and demanding. I want to know if anyone has advise to help heal ones heart! :heart: I have never been good at being anything but myself, which is pure me , honest , crazy , loving , eccentric, playfull, hardworking,absolutely out of the lines, yet the best person you could ever know, because I truly care. Maybe a bit too much ..But my heart is hurting and I do not at this time know how to relieve it's pain..I chainsawed for a bit and that was great. I built Lego structures with my son and that was really fantastic, yet now that my wonderful child is safe and warm and asleep I find myself very sad and alone. I let myself put my heart out to someone and it was a bad choice (once again).. Tears come easily and my heart actually aches. I can give myself lots of advise yet it really doesn't work. Any ideas?

I just had another idea. To explain, first I'll have to share something about my personal life. Until very recently (I'm cured now, thank you) I had a long habit of choosing women who were totally unsuitable for me. And I knew that. So when these unsuitable partners would start showing bizarre, antisocial, even demented behavior, I usually didn't blame either them or bad luck. I took responsibility for having picked them out in the first place. And since some of my friends had stable marriages, I knew that it was at least possible to pick out a suitable partner. It was just that my friends knew something I didn't. And that realization really empowered me because I knew that whatever this mystery was, it wasn't really built into the fabric of the universe. It was mystery only to me.

So if you haven't been choosing good partners, there's probably a good explanation, and if you can find it, you'll have the chance to choose a whole lot better the next time. Of course, that realization won't relieve all your present pain, but just knowing that you have options to improve your future should ease your path after a while. For the present, just being able to make sense of your pain might help. What bad choices did you make that led to this point? This process won't give you any relief if you spin it as blaming yourself. The point is to empower yourself through self-understanding. Self-empowerment will relieve your sense of helplessness which is, no doubt, a good part of the pain your feeling.

Good luck with all this. Life can really be a bitch sometimes.

[Tinque]

...Good luck with all this. Life can really be a bitch sometimes.

I thank you again for your advice and I appreciate it. I know that there are so many issues in our world that I feel almost ashamed to have expressed my feelings , yet I think that everyone aboard here will understand that it is still important to ask and learn even if , ( gosh I do not know the exact word to describe my thought)! I truly think that we all change and learn and grow and sometimes not together. I find that when two people have fallen in love and are together happily for 20 or say 50 years, that is an incredible feat and it puts me in awe as well as bewilderment. This now may sound like a very spoiled , egotistical, self-centered thing to write , but is how I feel, which is valid I think ( thank the powers whom-ever and where-ever they may be) and the freedom to express our thoughts and feelings, but I wish I could just have a little of several people I love dearly and put all their assets and eccentricities together, the fun artist, the romantic, the (slightly) bad boy, the intellectual , the passionate gardener, the most incredible lover, the spontanious adventurer, the dumpster diver, the passive and the aggressor, the partner ,yet, bystander, someone warm and honest.. No I am not in any way expressing that I deserve this , I think we all do. I am not saying that I can not put up with grumpyness , or freedom, or what-ever may be the case. I just think that relationships have become alot of work and I think unnessesarily at times. Simplicity. Trust.. Our own identities, self-awareness and awareness of others , being respectful and thinking things in a non -convoluted manner,using our energy for healing and self worth and enjoying what we are all about without being judgemental. Now I am rambling, but it feels good ! I think we (in general) have seperated each other and that makes us all weaker. We REALLY do need each other and everyone has a part in this. :heart:

[Willie Lumplump]

I find that when two people have fallen in love and are together happily for 20 or say 50 years, that is an incredible feat and it puts me in awe as well as bewilderment.

I feel the same way.


Simplicity. Trust.

I think you've hit the nail on the head. I think this is the formula for a happy marriage.


We REALLY do need each other and everyone has a part in this. :heart:

Hurray for you! I'm glad you said this. It's not a popular idea nowadays, but I'm convinced that it's true for almost everyone who has an ordinary degree of mental health.

[nicofrog]

well;
how about some unconventional contact with humans like co-counciling/Ai Ki Do /balllroom or Salsa Dancing?hiking queitly in the woods.Sacred sensuality groups,Cuddle piles, mud wreestling, Tantra? meditation circles/ sweatlodge? let ME build legos with you son while you .....?? or let's all play Bikerideing alone ,with son, or with friends and son, Art excursions(see the show NOW at Seb.centr.for the Arts!!!!!!!!!!! awsome recycle art. I sometimes feel sad and alone when it's all good and goin' on, sometimes we are hard wired that way, gotta learn to let it be ok to feel that for awhile, knowing spiritualy that it's an illusion, yet we are born alone,die alone and thats that. Maybe alone feels the same as connected,I like it when Rumi says "the longing IS the connection"
Hard to swallow, yet good to own. Nico


Life is , as everyone knows , so overwhelming and at times ,difficult , testing and demanding. I want to know if anyone has advise to help heal ones heart! :heart: I have never been good at being anything but myself, which is pure me , honest , crazy , loving , eccentric, playfull, hardworking,absolutely out of the lines, yet the best person you could ever know, because I truly care. Maybe a bit too much ..But my heart is hurting and I do not at this time know how to relieve it's pain..I chainsawed for a bit and that was great. I built Lego structures with my son and that was really fantastic, yet now that my wonderful child is safe and warm and asleep I find myself very sad and alone. I let myself put my heart out to someone and it was a bad choice (once again).. Tears come easily and my heart actually aches. I can give myself lots of advise yet it really doesn't work. Any ideas?

[decterlove]

Eeeks! Lotta raw honesty about relationships on Wacco lately. I admire your courage to fess up about your inner world.....sad thoughts but true.

I was slammed real hard by a break up over 10 years ago and while I have recovered from the breakup....I haven't recovered my ability to really allow myself to desire intimacy or trust someone in my life again. Life is hard at times....harder than you could ever imagine it being but it's easy at other times....just not as deeply satisfying as we all wish it could be.

It's a mixed bag........life and love. When I'm asleep...it all makes sense!

[nurturetruth]

Nico:

I really enjoyed you including Rumi's quote: "the longing is the creation" and the concept that being alone might be the same as being connected!!! :thumbsup:

Amazingly Beautiful post !!! Wonderful reflection /suggestions offered! :heart:

Especially regarding the: cuddle piles, co-counseling, dances, being in nature, sweatlodgin' it.... and I have giggles about the "mud wrestling" suggestion!!

Did you ever go play Lego's ?!!

************

To Wacco Tribe and "Tinque":

Along my journey, it has been helpful for me to learn not judge any of my emotions/feelings/thoughts that come up for me during a heart break of the sorts.
I tend to have an agreement with myself .
I allow myself to feel and allow ALL feelings!
Not condoning ANY of them and to OBSERVE them.
To really let myself "move through" all the energy and for as long as I need!

10 years ago, I used to use techniques to help "move through" or "release" emotions... (breaking things when alone----usually glass bottles or things I could not use or were already broken---in which would represent my "broken-ness"....yet I would STILL find myself picking up all those darn pieces and take responsibility for my actions/choices or the broken-ness!
I also in the past, developed a pattern of "running"/withdrawing/shutting down..taking a longer time to process emotions)

Not any more!
For the past 8 years, I have developed other channels of:
"being with" / "sitting with" , "dancing with" / "moving through" and "releasing" my emotions. (similar if not the same techniques offered in Nico's post!!!) And though I have never "Chainsawed" it or split wood.. I know of many gals who DO just THIS!!

I found myself doing Collage Art by myself and then later held groups...where I would find myself just RIPPING pictures outta magazines , spontaneously making an art piece based on my passionate emotions... often times centered around 2 basic themes:
*One on recognizing what I was feeling;
*One based around "What I Wanted to Attract".
( I tend to find myself observing "What it is i want to ATTRACT and DESERVE quite often it seems!! :):)

Now, along with having that essential relationship with myself and learning to be ok with being alone, OK with all my feelings and discovering what it is I need , want and deserve.....

I am also learning that new forms of communication, community building (learning more about how to work together) seem to be a BIG part of the flow.

And I LOVE I-TUNES, and Music /Singing , dancing and flowing AND yelling and SCREAMING out at the top of my lungs....from the heart in which flows those passionate emotions!


<hr>

... Maybe alone feels the same as connected,I like it when Rumi says "the longing IS the connection"
Hard to swallow, yet good to own. Nico

[alanora]

That was "the longing is the connection", and was a wow for me as well. It feels so central, key. wow. I am sure it will be further processed as it is short enough to remember. All this lifetime of longing for the divine connection with male spark of divinity, as well as the one about the closer more continuous feeling of divine connection within and without, always and in all ways. Every act becomes sacred and full, like when newly drunk in love, the palpable feeling of sharing the light with the world/shout it from the rooftops type feeling. To me love is the greatest joy of this world. If we are due for ascension these may be the last times we have a physical body with which to experience sexual love. A future of merging all over the place, and no body. I feel a sense of urgency in both my longings right now, with a mere cautionary note that I might create more karma or become stuck in..........pleasure.. How can pleasure be harmful? What if g-d likes to experience earth love? What if it causes one to be stuck in one of the windows along the tube rather than be stuck on the light and "progress". And then there is disease and my fears regarding. Then there is the 60's idea that we get to express our love for all of humanity which makes some sense and really clashes with disease protection. free love....arrrrrgh Mindy Desiring to decrease the longing by drawing closer. I kinda remember feeling that way and wishing I could hold my beloved closer and share the same space.....the longing is the connection...holy shit. Mindy

[Tinque]

I have decided that "screw" the whole process , because at 44,:heart: I found the perfect toy ! Not saying that I am willing to give up flesh , TRUST ME I am not ! , but YUMMMMMYYYY:hello::hello:

[Tinque]

I'll be honest, as I always am, but I really truly NEED flesh and love. I cannot live happily without it ! Now that realization really sucks. I want to be able to be independent and I can , but not with complete !!!!!:heart: I get scared and I feel alone at times. What helps one not feel this way no -one really can know the answer I think..Because WE are ALL human..:hello:

[Lorrie]

Hi Tinque!
Let us examine your statement: "But I really truly NEED flesh and love. I cannot live happily without it."

You CAN live happily without it. And if you don't live happily without it how will you be able to attract it?

People don't want needy people in their lives. People want people who can be independent and love their life. That attracts people to you.

You need to make your life exciting for YOU! This is how you can live happily without it. If you do make your life exciting then you vibe that to others, the others would think your life (hense you) are exciting and would then want to be able to Share it with with you... Also if you are trying and specifically going out to find the excitement or exciting life that I hereby suggest...more than likely you will be able to find someone who is like you or as exciting as you doing the same things that you are doing to make your life exciting FOR YOU!!

You need to be able to LOVE YOUR LIFE, Whether there is someone in it or not. If you cannot or will not then it will be difficult to have that Need for flesh and love fullfilled.

You need to be willing to give what you get or want...

Remember you are WORTH the relationship you desire!!

I dont' know if this helps you or not...but it is still pretty good advice...even if I do saysomyself!
~Lorrie



I'll be honest, as I always am, but I really truly NEED flesh and love. I cannot live happily without it ! Now that realization really sucks. I want to be able to be independent and I can , but not with complete !!!!!:heart: I get scared and I feel alone at times. What helps one not feel this way no -one really can know the answer I think..Because WE are ALL human..:hello:

[shellebelle]

Very well said!


Hi Tinque!
Let us examine your statement: "But I really truly NEED flesh and love. I cannot live happily without it."

You CAN live happily without it. And if you don't live happily without it how will you be able to attract it?

People don't want needy people in their lives. People want people who can be independent and love their life. That attracts people to you.

You need to make your life exciting for YOU! This is how you can live happily without it. If you do make your life exciting then you vibe that to others, the others would think your life (hense you) are exciting and would then want to be able to Share it with with you... Also if you are trying and specifically going out to find the excitement or exciting life that I hereby suggest...more than likely you will be able to find someone who is like you or as exciting as you doing the same things that you are doing to make your life exciting FOR YOU!!

You need to be able to LOVE YOUR LIFE, Whether there is someone in it or not. If you cannot or will not then it will be difficult to have that Need for flesh and love fullfilled.

You need to be willing to give what you get or want...

Remember you are WORTH the relationship you desire!!

I dont' know if this helps you or not...but it is still pretty good advice...even if I do saysomyself!
~Lorrie

[hugofrump]

My ex from a 22 yr marriage, replaced me with a 23 yr old live in lover. I was beside myself, for awhile, but decided to turn my energy into something positive. I found that helping my kids, my friends, my family, opened the door to healing. In giving, I recieved. The old saying, "You reap what you so" or "As you reap, so you sow" comes into play. Through the pain, comes growth and healing. Like steal is tempered through fire, so will you become stronger through your plight. Do not isolate. Reach out and do for others what they cannot do for themselves. Keep giving and you will recieve. The miricles are waiting for your accuation to ignite. Set those fires bright and learn to live a full and usefull life. Your joy will be restored. Don't give up just before the miricle happens. :wink:

[MsTerry]

I have found that as I climb the ladder of life, even the painful places provide a step to get me higher.
Tell me Hugofrump, are you better off now?
Was this meant to be? Would you be where you are at if it wasn't for this unexpected event?


My ex from a 22 yr marriage, replaced me with a 23 yr old live in lover. I was beside myself, for awhile, but decided to turn my energy into something positive. I found that helping my kids, my friends, my family, opened the door to healing. In giving, I recieved. The old saying, "You reap what you so" or "As you reap, so you sow" comes into play. Through the pain, comes growth and healing. Like steal is tempered through fire, so will you become stronger through your plight. Do not isolate. Reach out and do for others what they cannot do for themselves. Keep giving and you will recieve. The miricles are waiting for your accuation to ignite. Set those fires bright and learn to live a full and usefull life. Your joy will be restored. Don't give up just before the miricle happens. :wink:

[psaltz]

Oh, forget "pretty good" - this is NOT "pretty good" advice! This is TERRIFIC advice!



Hi Tinque!
. . .it is still pretty good advice...even if I do saysomyself!
~Lorrie