Decoding Male/Female English

[Barry]

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS<o:p></o:p> 40-ish..................................49.<o:p></o:p>
Adventurous........................Slept with everyone<o:p></o:p>
Athletic...............................No breasts<o:p></o:p>
Average looking...................Moooo<o:p></o:p>
Beautiful.............................Pathological liar<o:p></o:p>
Emotionally Secure..............On medication<o:p></o:p>
Moody ............................ Manic-depressive.
Unpredictable ................... Manic-depressive and off medication.
Feminist ............................Fat<o:p></o:p>
Free Spirit......................... Junkie<o:p></o:p>
Friendship first....................Former Slut
Old-fashioned……………No oral.
Soulful ............................Manic-depressive and quiet.
New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places<o:p></o:p> Open-minded......................Desperate<o:p></o:p>
Outgoing............................Loud and embarrassing<o:p></o:p> Professional........................Bitch<o:p></o:p>
Voluptuous.........................Very fat<o:p></o:p>
Large frame.......................Hugely fat<o:p></o:p>
Wants soul mate.................Stalker
Affectionate . . . . . . . . . . Horny.
Romantic . . . . . . . . . . . . Horny.
Passionate . . . . . . . . . . . REALLY horny.


<o:p></o:p> DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH<o:p></o:p> Yes........................................No<o:p></o:p>
No.........................................Yes<o:p></o:p>
Maybe....................................No<o:p></o:p>
We need.................................I want<o:p></o:p>
I am sorry...............................You'll be sorry<o:p></o:p>
We need to talk......................You're in trouble<o:p></o:p>
Sure, go ahead........................You better not<o:p></o:p>
Do what you want...................You will pay for this later<o:p></o:p>
I am not upset.........................Of course I'm upset!<o:p></o:p>
You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?


<o:p></o:p> DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH<o:p></o:p> I am hungry..........................I am hungry<o:p></o:p>
I am sleepy...........................I am sleepy<o:p></o:p>
I am tired..............................I am tired<o:p></o:p>
Nice dress.............................Nice cleavage!<o:p></o:p>
I love you..............................Let's have sex now<o:p></o:p>
I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?<o:p></o:p>
May I have this dance?...........I'd like to have sex with you.<o:p></o:p>
Can I call you sometime?........I'd like to have sex with you.<o:p></o:p>
Do you want to go to a movie?..........I'd like to have sex with you.<o:p></o:p>
Can I take you out to dinner?............I'd like to have sex with you.<o:p></o:p>
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..........I'm gay.<o:p></o:p>


<o:p></o:p> <o:p>[Notice that there isn't a section for "Decoding Men's Personal Ads" Anybody wanna take a stab at it? - Barry]</o:p> <o:p>
</o:p>

[dragonfly]

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS<o:p></o:p> ...<o:p></o:p><o:p></o:p><o:p></o:p>



Wow, I can't believe you'd even type something like this and expect anyone to think it's funny!! Your rantings are totally offensive and it's so piggish of you to sterotype women and men this way. Just think about your effect on others next time you plan to publish something like this................

[Braggi]

Barry, I think you should pull that one. I was thinking that before seeing Dragonfly's response, but after--yeah, you'd better pull it. It's pretty bad.

-Jeff

[Barry]

First, this just a forwarded email (I didn't "type" it). I thought it was pretty funny, and it came to me via two women who also thought it was funny. Yeah, it's edgy and it's about stereotypes. So I've censored myself and moved it to the Censored category. Please accept my apologies, Dragonfly, and anybody else who may have been offended.


Wow, I can't believe you'd even type something like this and expect anyone to think it's funny!! Your rantings are totally offensive and it's so piggish of you to sterotype women and men this way. Just think about your effect on others next time you plan to publish something like this................

[mykil]

LMAO how funny; I think Dragonfly post was even funnier than the joke itself!!! We are all people and some really need to learn to lighten up a little, laughing might actually make this world a little more bearable to you there dragonfly!!!! BTW I love dragonflies!! While that wasn’t really woman bashing, more on the lines of woman teasing and woman even write jokes like these, for I get them from a few woman around that make that joke weak, I mean really weak. You know the kind that you would laugh at their Dragonfly! Peace starts with a little laughter I am sure!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
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Wow, I can't believe you'd even type something like this and expect anyone to think it's funny!! Your rantings are totally offensive and it's so piggish of you to sterotype women and men this way. Just think about your effect on others next time you plan to publish something like this................

[ThePhiant]

being on a pedestal can be akin to being in prison.
it wasn't the joke that was offensive but the person who posted it
we hold moderators to higher standards than ourselves
LMAO

First, this just a forwarded email (I didn't "type" it). I thought it was pretty funny, and it came to me via two women who also thought it was funny. Yeah, it's edgy and it's about stereotypes. So I've censored myself and moved it to the Censored category. Please accept my apologies, Dragonfly, and anybody else who may have been offended.

[Barry]

being on a pedestal can be akin to being in prison.
it wasn't the joke that was offensive but the person who posted it
we hold moderators to higher standards than ourselves
LMAO
Yep, it can be a bit restrictive. It's been a good practice for me to be very careful about how I show up. I debated about this one for a bit, but I ended up with, "fuck'em if they can't take a joke!"

[gr8fulfred]

Our moderator has balls! Big ones! :kneel:

:jawdrop:

:whip:

[nurturetruth]

Thank you for embracing the freedom of speech and for sharing something so " on the edge".... and for putting it in the "censored category".


i dont think people expect it from you , as a moderator and you are to be admired for "pushing the limits'.....

I chose not to even read the whole thing, I couldn't... i was already "turned off" and did not find it amusing, entertaining ,funny or productive in ANY WAY....
but i am sure it was entertaining for those who find this type of stuff entertaining....and I know there ARE people who do.

Glad people can still find entertainment in life..... that, I support!



First, this just a forwarded email (I didn't "type" it). I thought it was pretty funny, and it came to me via two women who also thought it was funny. Yeah, it's edgy and it's about stereotypes. So I've censored myself and moved it to the Censored category. Please accept my apologies, Dragonfly, and anybody else who may have been offended.

[ThePhiant]

on second thought, why didn't you post it in Mykil's Joke section.
I don't think you would have received the same response


Yep, it can be a bit restrictive. It's been a good practice for me to be very careful about how I show up. I debated about this one for a bit, but I ended up with, "fuck'em if they can't take a joke!"

[nurturetruth]

TP:

In the beginning and at first glance of Barry's thread, I nearly suggested the SAME thing...to put it in "Mykil's Joke Section"...

but the reason why I am assuming Barry did not ...is that it WOULD NOT HAVE generated such a response. It would have gotten lost with all the other "jokes" in the joke sextion. (yes, freudian slip here)


But TP, You are ON IT today! or ..could it be that you and I just sometimes think the same way cause we are related? :hmmm:

~ your sis'


on second thought, why didn't you post it in Mykil's Joke section.
I don't think you would have received the same response

[mykil]

OH COME ON NOW!!! You both know Barry is as fickle as I, and that his mood changes on a hourly basis, that at any given moment in time he would have done things different, or even not posted. To sit here and meditate or even aggravate your own soul brain and time about something that was done dayz ago is just stupid, now I am calling you both stupid yes-fucking-stupid!!! LMFAO!!!! For anyone not to appreciate that joke was just stupid!!!! THAT JOKE WAS FUCKING GREAT!!!!!! I would love for someone to retaliate with a FUCKING MAN BASHING JOKE JUST TO SHOW HIM UP!!! I have twenty or so saved on my other puter, I can send one to any woman that wants one to post just so I don’t have to bash my own kin [you know us dudes gotta stick together]! Barry I am glad you chose to put the joke up and I understand your frustration, maybe LULU will give YOU some free psychological advise, she helps the hell out of me and I don’t even ask her for her fucking opinion most of the time! LMAO!!! I the mean time if you are a little STANDOFFISH about adding any jokes and seem a little set back at the time, before deleting, please forward to me AND I WILL POST THE FUCKING JOKES!!!!!!!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
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[mykil]

The following are all replies that <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 /><ST1:CITY w:st="on"><ST1:PLACE w:st="on">Detroit</ST1:PLACE></ST1:CITY> women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing "Father's Details," or putting it another way.... Who's yo' Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms. <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O /><O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>



1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.<O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.<O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at <ST1:STREET w:st="on"><ST1:ADDRESS w:st="on">3600 East Grand Boulevard</ST1:ADDRESS></ST1:STREET>where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.<O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.<O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.<O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.<O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.<O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>

8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child And If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.<O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World. Maybe it really is the <ST1:PLACE w:st="on"><ST1:PLACENAME w:st="on">Magic</ST1:PLACENAME><ST1:PLACETYPE w:st="on">Kingdom</ST1:PLACETYPE></ST1:PLACE>.<O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at <ST1:STREET w:st="on"><ST1:ADDRESS w:st="on">8956 Miller Ave</ST1:ADDRESS></ST1:STREET>, mine might have remained unfertilized.<O:P style="FONT-SIZE: 13px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"></O:P>

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

[ThePhiant]

mykil, I had no Idea that you used to live in Detroit and are able to get away with all this. did you help them write it down?


The following are all replies that <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Detroit</st1:place></st1:city> women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing "Father's Details," or putting it another way.... Who's yo' Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms. <o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>


1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.<o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.<o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at <st1:street w:st="on"><st1:address w:st="on">3600 East Grand Boulevard</st1:address></st1:street>where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.<o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.<o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.<o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.<o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.<o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>

8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child And If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.<o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World. Maybe it really is the <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placename w:st="on">Magic</st1:placename><st1:placetype w:st="on">Kingdom</st1:placetype></st1:place>.<o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at <st1:street w:st="on"><st1:address w:st="on">8956 Miller Ave</st1:address></st1:street>, mine might have remained unfertilized.<o:p style="font-size: 13px; font-family: Arial;"></o:p>

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

[mykil]

I am still waiting for the man-bashing joke!!!!!!! Barry gives us our own little world to vent and we still get criticized. Thanks for stopping byyyyyyy!!!!! LMAO!! I don’t mean to be mean by GEEEZZZZZZZ ISSS FUCKINGGG CHRISTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!! If you strip me from my humor I wonder if I could still be a happy boy???? I mean don’t get me wrong sex is great and I appear to find enough. [well never enough but…]But humor humor humor is my life, I wake laughing at the birds out side my window looking in at me while I am sleeping, I laugh when I spill coffee on my shirt in the car, I laugh when I get to work to find a bunch of grumpy old folk trying to wake yelling at me to do something, like if it makes you feel good to try-n-belittle me than I am going to laugh! SORRY! Read the sign before you enter, enter at your own risk! If you choose to go off on a joke, be prepared for the outcome! For I will for one will only feel it is funny and I will defend our own little world with what ever you little hearts throw in my direction! Since this just happens to be the unconcerned section BITE ME BabY!!!!! and write whatever you want!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
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mykil, ihad no Idea that you used to live in Detroit and are able to get away with all this. did you help them write it down?

[ThePhiant]

when somebody start shooting themselves in the foot, I just get out of the way
LMAO


I am still waiting for the man-bashing joke!!!!!!! Barry gives us our own little world to vent and we still get criticized. Thanks for stopping byyyyyyy!!!!! LMAO!! I don’t mean to be mean by GEEEZZZZZZZ ISSS FUCKINGGG CHRISTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!! If you strip me from my humor I wonder if I could still be a happy boy???? I mean don’t get me wrong sex is great and I appear to find enough. [well never enough but…]But humor humor humor is my life, I wake laughing at the birds out side my window looking in at me while I am sleeping, I laugh when I spill coffee on my shirt in the car, I laugh when I get to work to find a bunch of grumpy old folk trying to wake yelling at me to do something, like if it makes you feel good to try-n-belittle me than I am going to laugh! SORRY! Read the sign before you enter, enter at your own risk! If you choose to go off on a joke, be prepared for the outcome! For I will for one will only feel it is funny and I will defend our own little world with what ever you little hearts throw in my direction! Since this just happens to be the unconcerned section BITE ME BabY!!!!! and write whatever you want!<o:p></o:p>
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[mykil]

I just am getting so tired of you having all the fun!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!




when somebody start shooting themselves in the foot, I just get out of the way
LMAO