PDA

View Full Version : borowitzreport.com



Sara S
09-20-2007, 09:06 PM
September 19, 2007
Moveon.org Planning Mean Limerick About Petraeus


Seeks Something That Rhymes With ‘Betray Us’


One week after excoriating General David Petraeus in a full-page ad in The New York Times, the liberal group Moveon.org today confirmed plans to create what is being characterized as a “really mean limerick” about President Bush’s man in Iraq.

Rumors of the planned limerick rocked official Washington, which is still reeling from the Times ad, in which Moveon.org cleverly rhymed “Petraeus” with “Betray Us.”

“These people have already shown that they are really good at rhyming things,” said Colson Slattery of the Republican National Committee. “There’s no question that they are capable of creating a devastating limerick.”

But Tracy Klujian, a Moveon.org spokesman, said that plans for a really mean limerick about General Petraeus had hit a snag, largely due to the difficulty of finding something to rhyme with “Petraeus” and “Betray Us.”

“So far, this is what we’ve got,” Mr. Klujian said. “Hey there, General Petraeus/You should be called General Betray-us/Your views on Iraq/Are one big crock – and then we’re kind of stumped about that last line.”

Ms. Klujian confirmed that one proposed line – “Why don’t you get off that dais” – had been rejected because “he’s not really sitting on a dais.”

Another line, in which the general was compared to Dr. Zaius, the evil orangutan in the “Planet of the Apes” films – had been rejected as “too obscure,” Mr. Klujian said.

“We don’t know what the last line will be yet, but we know the message we want to deliver,” he said. “We want to say to the General, why don’t you stop lying and obey us?”

Sara S
09-21-2007, 09:25 PM
September 20, 2007
Petraeus Limerick Contest Winners


Several Contenders for Moveon.org’s Proposed Mean Poem


Yesterday the Borowitz Report reported that Moveon.org was planning a “really mean” limerick about General David Petraeus. According to the story, Moveon had composed the first four lines of the poem, but was stumped about the fifth and last line:

Hey there, General Petraeus
You should be called General Betray-us
Your views on Iraq
Are one big crock
(last line here)

Within minutes, The Borowitz Report was deluged with hundreds of submissions from readers offering a last line to Moveon.org’s mean limerick. While almost all of the submissions rhymed with “Petraeus” and some of them even made sense, here are the lines that the Borowitz Report has decided to forward to Moveon.org:

“Get us out before they fillet us.”

“Urging private contractors to slay us.”

“And when will the world pay us?”

From Shakespeare:

“This doth really dismay us.”

From Bob Barker:

“Don’t forget to neuter and spay us.”

And from Yoda:

“Please remove from this fray us.”


www.borowitzreport.com