Mrs. Wacco
01-18-2007, 11:40 AM
Hi Linda,
This is my first time asking you a question, in fact probably my first time going to an outside source for relationship advice. Anyways, I have a neighbor that I am really attracted to. I see her as being a great girlfriend/partner. You could say were very very good friends, almost best friends. We hang a lot, it's always relaxed and easy. We have fun and like each others company. We are very likeminded. We both have agreed to this notion of being like-minded and we truly enjoy and value our friendship.
I'm interested in changing the relationship from great friends to great lover/girlfriend/potential partner. I just don't know how she would feel about me professing my feelings for her. For one thing, she's into having children and I'm not, or at least I'm not 100% sure and she is. I don't want to ruin what we already have but would love for a larger relationship with her. Am I reaching beyond my limitations here? should i go for it?
Help!!
Perplexed
Perplexed -
You're the 2nd guy to ask me this question within the last month. How do you shift a great friendship with a woman to a romantic one and not ruin the friendship in the process, especially if she doesn't feel the same about you or you don't know if she does? (If she was, I'm thinkin' there'd be some energy in the air and you'd know. However, this is not always the case)
Well, my motto is honesty is the basis for any real relationship; with friends, lovers, and yourself. I'd be true to yourself, which means letting her know how you feel. Maybe she's thinking the same thing and will be hugely relieved to find you feel the same way. But you'll never know unless you make a move in that direction.
Some of the "best" couples I know were friends first for a long time and then it shifted. So it's absolutely possible to transit from friend to lover/girlfriend/partner. (pick one or all). In your case, the kid thing might make it a non-starter if she's only looking for "the One" and won't engage in anything that isn't a sure bet to that goal. But you won't know that unless you make a move.
So how to do it? Do something different. The definition of insanity is doing something the same way and expecting a different result.
It could be a dinner that's slightly romantic, not over the top. If you never cook dinner for her, then do. With candles and good wine. If you don't normally buy flowers for the house, buy some. Or, if you guys never go away together, propose going away to ski, or some other activity you might share.
Separate rooms and see what happens. Or a picnic/hike if she and you like to hike.
Do you guys share affection? If not, introduce the idea of a backrub. Or cuddle while watching a movie.
Do you discuss each others love lives? If not, bring it up.
Now the real tricky question: what if she doesn't share your feelings? You need to be prepared for a "No". Could you just remain her friend and go on as if nothing ever happened? Only you can answer that. There might be a period of awkwardness but if it's been a clean "conversation" and interaction (meaning: no dramatics), your friendship should survive. You would need to pull in your energy and tuck your desire for a different relationship away. You want to make sure it's comfortable and safe for her in the friendship, as it is now.
I hope this is helpful. I'd like to post this topic, as it is the 2nd time it's come up and I bet you're not the only one out there with this dilemma.
I will keep the guilty nameless.
OK?
Let me know how it turns out
Linda
Hey Linda, Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I'm so glad to have a source of information and guidance such as yourself and WaccoBB to really get my questions answered.
If you want to post this type of question on WaccoBB.net I say do it, I totally trust your judgment and character enough to know that you will withhold any important information that would give me away..... thanks once again. you rock.
This is my first time asking you a question, in fact probably my first time going to an outside source for relationship advice. Anyways, I have a neighbor that I am really attracted to. I see her as being a great girlfriend/partner. You could say were very very good friends, almost best friends. We hang a lot, it's always relaxed and easy. We have fun and like each others company. We are very likeminded. We both have agreed to this notion of being like-minded and we truly enjoy and value our friendship.
I'm interested in changing the relationship from great friends to great lover/girlfriend/potential partner. I just don't know how she would feel about me professing my feelings for her. For one thing, she's into having children and I'm not, or at least I'm not 100% sure and she is. I don't want to ruin what we already have but would love for a larger relationship with her. Am I reaching beyond my limitations here? should i go for it?
Help!!
Perplexed
Perplexed -
You're the 2nd guy to ask me this question within the last month. How do you shift a great friendship with a woman to a romantic one and not ruin the friendship in the process, especially if she doesn't feel the same about you or you don't know if she does? (If she was, I'm thinkin' there'd be some energy in the air and you'd know. However, this is not always the case)
Well, my motto is honesty is the basis for any real relationship; with friends, lovers, and yourself. I'd be true to yourself, which means letting her know how you feel. Maybe she's thinking the same thing and will be hugely relieved to find you feel the same way. But you'll never know unless you make a move in that direction.
Some of the "best" couples I know were friends first for a long time and then it shifted. So it's absolutely possible to transit from friend to lover/girlfriend/partner. (pick one or all). In your case, the kid thing might make it a non-starter if she's only looking for "the One" and won't engage in anything that isn't a sure bet to that goal. But you won't know that unless you make a move.
So how to do it? Do something different. The definition of insanity is doing something the same way and expecting a different result.
It could be a dinner that's slightly romantic, not over the top. If you never cook dinner for her, then do. With candles and good wine. If you don't normally buy flowers for the house, buy some. Or, if you guys never go away together, propose going away to ski, or some other activity you might share.
Separate rooms and see what happens. Or a picnic/hike if she and you like to hike.
Do you guys share affection? If not, introduce the idea of a backrub. Or cuddle while watching a movie.
Do you discuss each others love lives? If not, bring it up.
Now the real tricky question: what if she doesn't share your feelings? You need to be prepared for a "No". Could you just remain her friend and go on as if nothing ever happened? Only you can answer that. There might be a period of awkwardness but if it's been a clean "conversation" and interaction (meaning: no dramatics), your friendship should survive. You would need to pull in your energy and tuck your desire for a different relationship away. You want to make sure it's comfortable and safe for her in the friendship, as it is now.
I hope this is helpful. I'd like to post this topic, as it is the 2nd time it's come up and I bet you're not the only one out there with this dilemma.
I will keep the guilty nameless.
OK?
Let me know how it turns out
Linda
Hey Linda, Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I'm so glad to have a source of information and guidance such as yourself and WaccoBB to really get my questions answered.
If you want to post this type of question on WaccoBB.net I say do it, I totally trust your judgment and character enough to know that you will withhold any important information that would give me away..... thanks once again. you rock.