wbreitman
02-12-2015, 03:55 PM
Random thoughts on getting older…
· Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes;
come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller
· Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!
·· I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
· I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!
· Old age is coming at a really bad time!
· When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ...
now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
· The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
· Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to
change the things I can.. and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!
· I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
· My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
· Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
· If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
· The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please.
I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
· I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!
· I'm going to retire and live off of my savings.
Not sure what I'll do the second week.
I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!
· Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound .
· Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna
transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
· Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.
· Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
· Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
· At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
· Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes;
come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller
· Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!
·· I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
· I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!
· Old age is coming at a really bad time!
· When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ...
now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
· The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
· Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to
change the things I can.. and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!
· I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
· My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
· Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
· If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
· The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please.
I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
· I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!
· I'm going to retire and live off of my savings.
Not sure what I'll do the second week.
I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!
· Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound .
· Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna
transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
· Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.
· Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
· Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
· At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.