Satire or Real News?

[dzerach]

Since there are so many goings-ons these days where a reader or viewer cannot readily discern if the report is believable satire, or, actually transpired (!) in consensual reality (Unbelievable! Unreal!), I thought to start a thread. ...So many examples to choose from to share -- and then another article unexpectedly arrives right on my virtual doorstep, emailed by my Contra Costa Cuzzin. Should you accept the challenge, take your best guess. May the games begin. It may be all we have left. https://www.globalpossibilities.org/...e-development/

[Star Man]

Since there are so many goings-ons these days where a reader or viewer cannot readily discern if the report is believable satire, or, actually transpired (!) in consensual reality (Unbelievable! Unreal!), I thought to start a thread. ...So many examples to choose from to share -- and then another article unexpectedly arrives right on my virtual doorstep, emailed by my Contra Costa Cuzzin. Should you accept the challenge, take your best guess. May the games begin. It may be all we have left. https://www.globalpossibilities.org/...e-development/

What apparently actually happens is often so bizarre that some commentators have taken to creating content that while bizarre, could actually be true given the bizarre quality of what actually happens. "The Onion" is a prime example. So are the reports from Andy Borowitz in "The Borowitz Report." I have been merrily creating my own content for many years now at "On Condition of Anonymity" (OnConditionOfAnonymity.blogspot.com).

It would not be surprising to learn that the Kansas Legislature has actually mandated unsustainable development. If true, that cannot be satirized, because it is a satire in and of itself. Viewed from a detached perspective, the recent actions of the Kansas, Texas, and Arkansas legislatures and the actions of the Congress of the United States exemplify the delusional thinking, hallucinations, and disorganized behavior characteristic of psychotics and schizophrenics. I wonder if as a society we are entering into a schizophrenic phase and if the violent acting out we have perpetrated in Iraq and Afghanistan among others (Vietnam, Grenada, Panama, Yemen, Mali, etc.) is manifesting here at home as well in the form of bombings (Boston, Oklahoma City) and mass murder (Aurora, Sandy Hook, Columbine). The Center no longer holds.

Star Man

[Star Man]

Michigan Tea Party Member Discovers World War II Jewish Pornography Taught To Local Seventh-Graders

Vagina Denier and parent, Micki Lohman, recently stumbled onto many patches of "highly-detailed and achingly, oh so heartbreakingly sweet, Jewish pornography" while perusing the unmanageable tome, Anne Frank: The Diary of A Young Girl. She called the pornography "tragic." Surprisingly, this uncensored version of the diary was written by the same acclaimed Jewish author as the censored version, and also while in hiding from Nazis for two years -- day and night, night and day... day after day... night after night -- with many other Jews (in a small, enclosed space). Mrs. Lohman points out how the young women's heightened powers of observation and description, together with "raging hormones" should have been concern enough. Universally renown for its ability to profoundly convey the dangers of fascist persecution in modern society, Anne Frank: The Diary of A Young Girl has been one of the most read publications in the world, second only to the disturbing and violent King James version of the Bible.

Mrs. Lohman cited unnerving precedents, including the 1970 obscene narrative, Are you there, God? It's Me, Margaret., purposefully penned for teenagers by another Jewess, and also openly taught in public schools -- that is, up until the moment an adult accidentally read a few paragraphs and the treatise suddenly joined the banned books list nationwide, its' young "cult following" shut down.

Mrs. Lohman further advises upon the descriptions of genitalia in the young girl's diary, "I don't care if it's just made up stuff-- all inside -- a young person's head..." it's still "got to go."

Anne Frank, who will be 84 years old on June 12th, could not be reached for comment but is thought to have gone into hiding. A spokesperson from The Anne Frank Educational Centre responded, "This is exactly what we thought would happen in the U.S. once the full diary was released. We are only surprised that it took this long. Why do you think all of us over here decided not to publish the diary in the U.S. "as is" to begin with? We knew your country got stuck without a full deck and we were trying to help out."

In similar news, Google, the premier internet-related cataloger, second in prowess only to the famed World War II era Nazis, misspells the web address for many articles as "ann-frank."

Related articles:

https://northville.patch.com/article...le-mother-says

https://www.myfoxdetroit.com/story/2...32e1a28ac6687c

https://www.myfoxtampabay.com/story/...y-of-ann-frank

Excellent, excellent example of the genre. I cannot discern if this is an actual news report or a satirical creation by Mr. Dzerach or some other satirist. As such, the report rises to the highest level of the genre. I eagerly look forward to submissions by other WaccoBB-ans to the development of the genre. I think the genre deserves a name all its own. Yes, it is satire, but it is not satire of the sort created by Jonathan Swift.

Star Man

[Star Man]

NRA Advocates Arming Oakland Crackheads

Downloaded April 27, 2013 from https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?bl...0;src=postname

NRA President Wayne La Pierre says the organization is reaching out to protect a vulnerable group, unarmed crack addicts. "At least once or twice a week we read about an unarmed man or woman shot to death in his car parked under a freeway overpass in Oakland, California," La Pierre proclaimed. "For what? For being an addict? No! For being an unarmed addict," La Pierre thundered at a press conference called at NRA headquarters on Waples Mill Road in Fairfax, VA.

The NRA has backed Arizona legislation to mandate the resale of handguns and assault rifles turned in during buy-back programs. "The NRA intends to purchase these weapons and to supply them at low cost to crack cocaine addicts in the Oakland area," said La Pierre. The NRA president said it is a crime on the same level as Sandy Hook that often the crack cocaine addicted men and women are the parents of children who will never see their father or mother again, because "these unfortunate people were not armed and so could not defend themselves against murderous drug dealers."

Echoing a phrase that has become a rallying cry for Gun Rights advocates across the nation, La Pierre exclaimed, "The only thing that can stop a drug dealer with a gun is a drug addict with a gun!"

[Star Man]

CPAC, Tea Party, and GOP: Criminalize Climate Monitoring and Climate Change Reporting

AP, Washington, DC, May 3, 2013

Leaders in the Conservative Political Action Committee like Karl Rove, Senators Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, and Rand Paul have united with Tea Party activists like Sarah Palin and GOP leaders like Senator Mitch McConnell to call for outlaw climate change monitoring and research and to criminalize climate change reporting.

The conservative coalition was angered by reports of the United Nations' official weather agency, the World Meteorological Organization, study that announced record low levels of Arctic sea ice. The WMO study cataloged the increasing temperature of the planet, and the rising sea levels, as well as worsening severity of droughts and cyclones. The report noted "a disturbing sign of climate change" and stated that data "confirm that warming will continue."

Former Alaska Governor and GOP Vice-presidential candidate Palin commented that "these kinds of reports affirm the liberal agenda of destroying the economy." Her comments were echoed by conservative talk-show personality Ann Coulter who attacked the "radical-liberal-progressive scientific community that just wants to take away our freedoms." Coulter equated climate change reporting with terrorism and demanded that climatologists and climate reporters be branded as "enemy combatants" just like the Boston bombing Tsarnaev brothers. "These climate change reports," Coulter stated,"are just like a shrapnel bomb at the finish line of our great American economic marathon."

In a show of unity, Senators McConnell, Rubio, and Cruz appeared at a press conference to announce they will introduce legislation to make climate change research a federal felony with penalties of up to 20 years in prison for "studying, measuring, or theorizing about global warming, the effects of greenhouse gases, sea level increases, or drought and hurricanes." "We've got to stop the terrorist scientists," said Cruz, who also announced that "over 75% of American university climatologists are members of the UN conspiracy." Asked about enhanced interrogation techniques for the climatologists, Senator McConnell stated, "I see no reason not to apply the same methods to terrorist climatologists that are used on Al Qaeda terrorists. If our Justice Department and Defense Department deem it necessary to waterboard these scientists to uncover their membership in a global conspiracy, then it's up to Congress to provide our defenders with the tools they need to do their job of protecting the American economy and Americans."

[Karl Frederick]

Hmmm . . . a quick Google search reveals . . . (drum roll, please) . . . the only place this "news" appears, is right here, on WaccoBB.net.

CPAC, Tea Party, and GOP: Criminalize Climate Monitoring and Climate Change Reporting

AP, Washington, DC, May 3, 2013

Leaders in the Conservative Political Action Committee like Karl Rove, Senators Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, and Rand Paul have united with Tea Party activists like Sarah Palin and GOP leaders like Senator Mitch McConnell to call for outlaw climate change monitoring and research and to criminalize climate change reporting. . . . . .

[Star Man]

Hmmm . . . a quick Google search reveals . . . (drum roll, please) . . . the only place this "news" appears, is right here, on WaccoBB.net.

Karl,

The topic for this thread is "Satire or Real News." As you will see by reviewing the earlier posts, the point is to create a news story that readers will have difficulty telling whether it is "real news" or "satire." You are welcome to contribute. BTW, I'm surprised that Google didn't find the other place the story appeared, which is at

Star Man

[Star Man]

Gun maker targets younger sisters market


A.P., May 6, 2013

Following the shootings of two younger sisters by their older brothers, Keystone Sporting Arms of Miltown, PA., maker of the Crickett and Chipmunk, marketed as "My First Rifle," announced a campaign today to arm younger sisters with handguns so they can protect themselves. With the support of newly elected NRA president James Porter, an Alabama attorney noted for defending gun manufacturers, KSA stated it is acting to stem the wave of recent shootings of younger sisters by older brothers.

Referring to the Burkesville, KY death of a 2-year old sister who was shot by her 5-year old brother and the near fatal shooting of a Florida 6-year old girl by her 13-year old brother, NRA executive vice-president Wayne La Pierre affirmed NRA's opposition to any compromise on the freedom of Americans of any age to own guns. "Tragic as it is, these deaths and shootings could have been prevented if the younger sisters had owned handguns," La Pierre stated.

Keystone Sporting Arms will market a single-shot handgun in pink colors that is small enough and light enough to be effectively used by a girl as young as 2. The weapon will come in two models, each designed to coat-tail on toys and TV characters popular with girls in the 2 to 10 age group. One will be called "My Little Pistol" on the pattern of Hasbro's hugely successful "My Little Pony." The other is "My Dora Defender" after "Dora the Explorer," the CBS and Nickelodeon TV series and franchise. "My Little Pistol" will feature a mane of bright combable hair emerging from the handgun's grip. "My Dora Defender" is decorated with images of a big-eyed little girl that evokes the TV character, Dora.

Adapting a slogan that has become the war cry of gun rights activists, La Pierre stated, "The only thing that will stop an older brother with a gun is a younger sister with a gun!"

[Star Man]

Corporation to charge for Ejaculation

A.P., May 14, 2013

Attorneys for Incyte Corporation of Palo Alto, CA are taking legal action to protect against unlawful dissemination of the company’s patented human growth hormone gene. “Incyte has spent literally hundreds of millions of dollars to isolate the gene for human growth hormone,” a company spokesman explained, “and the value of the gene is being degraded through dissemination that is not paid for.”

Incyte attorneys’ hopes have been buoyed by the recent Supreme Court decision that said an Indiana farmer violated Monsanto Co.'s patents on soybean seeds resistant to its weed-killer by growing the beans without buying new seeds from the corporation. Monsanto had inserted into the soybean genome a gene for Round-Up resistance it isolated from nature and patented. The company cited Justice Kagan’s comment that the Indiana farmer planted Monsanto's patented soybeans solely to make and market replicas of them, thus depriving the company of the reward patent law provides for the sale of each article. Kagan said, ‘Patent exhaustion provides no haven for such conduct.’

Attorneys for the genetic engineering company are arguing that when men ejaculate into a woman, they are doing so “solely for the purpose of making replicas” of the human growth hormone gene, among others among the 24,000 genes in human DNA. “Incyte owns the rights to the human growth hormone gene,” the spokesman stated, “and our patent does not become exhausted just because a man carries that gene in his sperm, a copy that he did not purchase from us.”

Incyte hopes that universities and private firms who have patented at least 4,000 human genes or almost 20% of the human genome will join in the suit against unauthorized, unlawful, uncompensated dissemination of their products. “Men need to face the fact that American and foreign corporations and universities own the rights to their genes and hence their sperm. They must understand that the companies and universities have a right to be compensated for dissemination of their products,” said Davis Longsdon, a patent attorney not affiliated with either Incyte or Monsanto.

In their lawsuit, Incyte is demanding a fee of $1.00 for every ejaculation into a female by an unlicensed male. “Masturbation doesn’t qualify,” said company attorneys, “because the objective is not dissemination of the patented gene.” The company spokesman admitted that monitoring unauthorized spermic dissemination and collecting the fee could be problematical. Industry insiders have said a consortium of genetic engineering companies and universities is developing an implantable microchip that would register ejaculations and would transmit the data to a central collection agency. “Incyte estimates that it could earn as much as $500 million per year if the monitoring and reporting system were enabled,” stated the spokesman. Bloomberg reported that Incyte stock rose 82.5 points in heavy trading shortly after the news was made public.

[dzerach]

Remain in your seats, I beg you; WE ARE NOT CHILDREN HERE -- we are scientists!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co6-tYS9k1U

I'm not so sure about your legal work there:

As you know, the oxymoron "Corporate Think" is code for "Have you tried it with a magazine?" As such -- you see, that's our territory; accordingly, you will also be assessed a user fee for masturbation. Further, should anything inadvertently land somewhere that causes pregnancy, we own that too. That -- whatever it is...uh, all of it. We own all of that too. You see.."All of LIFE is truly our business -- how else could we go about makin' a better slave?" Nota bene: The corporate DNA/ gene owner will not be responsible for child support.

Our motto for social benefit always has been and still is, "We Own You." At least until no "you" is left in you. We put the goo back into good -- enter chorus line stage left (Monkeys dressed in Superman costumes w/Kent Clark suits showing underneath) "And we're puttin' the good back into God!"

Corporation to charge for Ejaculation

A.P., May 14, 2013

Attorneys for Incyte Corporation of Palo Alto, CA are taking legal action to protect against unlawful dissemination of the company’s patented human growth hormone gene. “Incyte has spent literally hundreds of millions of dollars to isolate the gene for human growth hormone,” a company spokesman explained, “and the value of the gene is being degraded through dissemination that is not paid for.” ...

[Star Man]

Gene Company Denies It Paid Jolie To Promote Its Product

At a hastily called news conference, a spokesperson for Myriad Genetics, the company that holds the valuable patent for detecting susceptibility to breast cancer, has denied that the company secretly paid Angelina Jolie five million dollars to go public with her mastectomy as a way of indirectly promoting its products.

Myriad Genetics, located in Salt Lake City, UT, owns the patent for two proteins, BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 that when mutated can lead to an increased risk for breast cancer. The genes were identified in federally funded research at U.C. Berkeley in 1990. The winner in an intense effort to clone the genes was a consortium including the University of Utah and Myriad Genetics. Myriad patented the genes.

Myriad produces a proprietary test kit, BRCAnalysis, that tests for mutations in the BRCA genes. The test kit sells for $3,000. The company has annual revenues of $500 million. Stock in Myriad has skyrocketed following Jolie's announcement of her mastectomy and her discussion in a New York Times article of the place that genetic testing played in her decision.

"Angelina Jolie's heart-wrenching decision to undergo preventative double-mastectomy was in no way related to the business of Myriad Genetics other than that Myriad produces the test kit Jolie's physicians used to determine her risk," the spokesperson stated. "For anyone to suggest otherwise is libelous and potentially actionable in a court of law. Myriad Genetics extends its heartfelt sympathy to Ms. Jolie and her family."

Myriad Genetics has been the focus of court actions regarding its business practices. The cost of the genetic testing places that valuable assessment tool out of the financial reach of many women. Recent investigations into pricing of medical procedures in different locations have shown that hospitals and clinics charge clients widely varying fees for the BRCA test. Often the extra charge is paid for by the government, so laboratories and providers end up benefiting monetarily at the expense of American taxpayers. The Myriad spokesperson denied any allegations of financial impropriety when encountered at the press conference.

[Star Man]

My guess is: Real News.

Satire! I made it up myself. The beauty of this thread is that it could have been true. It may even be true. As the Beatles sang in "Strawberry Fields Forever" "Nothing is real . . ." The new state religion of Business Enterprise has corrupted reality. "Nothing is real . . ." Except, when you understand that Business Enterprise permeates every aspect of life today, that Profit is the Holy Grail, the secret to eternal life, that corporate headquarters, banks, and investment brokerage houses are the churches, and that Congress and SCOTUS are the Inquisitors and clergy, it all becomes clear. Every decision is commodified. Jolie's heart-wrenching decision to undergo radical bilateral mastectomy could have been commodified, may even have been commodified. Medicine? Commodified. Health care? Commodified. Food? Commodified. Housing? Commodified. Entertainment? Commodified. Religion? Commodified. Sex? Commodified. Security? Commodified. Government? Commodified. The list is endless, because the commodification of our lives is endless. That is the point of Satire vs Real News. News is commodified. Our lives are commodified. Welcome to the New World Order with its New State Religion that gives meaning to every person's life.

Star Man