Sometimes I wish I felt like this.......

....instead of like this.

ProctoBlues

Don't want to be no biologist
dissecting a fetal pig
Don't wanna be an archeologist
telling you where to dig
Don't want to be no patriot
with American flag unfurled
I want to be a proctologist
(so many assholes in the world!)

Don't want to be a conductor
runnin' a railroad train
Don't want to be a psychic reader
tellin' you I feel your pain
Don't want to be from Zorba-land
taking up arms against the Turks
I just want to be a zoologist
'cause Humans are mostly jerks

Don't want to be no quarterback
putting it up for six
Don't wanna be no bookmaker
puttin' in the fix
Don't wanna be no second-tenor
harmonizing rhythm 'n blues
I just want to be an elephant
'cause an elephant don't wear shoes
yeah I just wanna be a great white shark
cause they don't pay no union dues

Don't want to be no lumberjack
chopping down all those trees
Don't want to be no pea-picker
pickin' them black-eyed peas
don't want to be no croupier
raking in the loser's chips
I just want to be a dromedary
'cause they got such expressive lips
yeah I just want to be a hyena
cause hyenas leave big tips

Don't want to be on no assembly line
building another Ford
Don't want to be Attila the Hun
kicking butt with my Golden Horde
Don't want to be a hip deejay
telling everybody what's cool
I just want be a grizzly bear
fishin' in some forest pool
yeah, an unselfconscious grizzly bear
(don't care where I leave my stool)