ZEN JUDAISM

* If there is no self,
**whose arthritis is this?

* Be here now.
**Be someplace else later.
**Is that so complicated?

* Drink tea and nourish life.
**With the first sip... joy.
**With the second... satisfaction.
**With the third, peace.
**With the fourth, a danish.

* Wherever you go, there you are.
**Your luggage is another story.

* Accept misfortune as a blessing.
**Do not wish for perfect health
**or a life without problems.
**What would you talk about?

* The journey of a thousand miles
**begins with a single "oy."

* There is no escaping karma.
**In a previous life, you never called,
**you never wrote, you never visited.
**And whose fault was that?

* Zen is not easy.
**It takes effort to attain nothingness.
**And then what do you have?
**Bupkes.

* The Tao does not speak.
**The Tao does not blame.
**The Tao does not take sides.
**The Tao has no expectations.
**The Tao demands nothing of others.
**The Tao is not Jewish.

* Breathe in. Breathe out.
**Breathe in. Breathe out.
**Forget this and attaining Enlightenment
**will be the least of your problems.

* Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
**Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.
**And sit up straight. You'll never meet the
**Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

* Be patient and achieve all things.
**Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

* To Find the Buddha, look within.
**Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
**Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
**Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
**You might want to see a specialist.

* To practice Zen and the art of Jewish
**motorcycle maintenance, do the following:
**get rid of the motorcycle.
**What were you thinking?

* Be aware of your body.
**Be aware of your perceptions.
**Keep in mind that not every physical
**sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

* The Torah says,"Love thy neighbor as thyself."
**The Buddha says there is no "self."
**So, maybe you are off the hook.

* The Buddha taught that one should practice loving
**kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you
**to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?

* Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain,
**though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away,
**yet shall you meditate and not stir
**until you have attained full Enlightenment.
**But, first, a little nosh. ***