Does sexual monogamy limit the opportunities for personal growth?

[nurturetruth]

And is monogamy too much to expect in a relationship?

I am not a sexually possessive creature.

While I hold no interest in being promiscuous, I am curious what it would be like to share physical intimacy with others, especially those who see it as an emotional/spiritual connection rather than just a physical outlet.

I would really appreciate hearing from people who have journeyed down this path.

Did it turn out to be a huge mistake?

Or did it create a positive expansion of your existing relationship?

~ An Open Minded Gal



Please note: I am not seeking advice, or solutions. Just some good feedback based on YOUR experience and beliefs......

[shellebelle]

Personally - yes its too much to ask - I am not monogamous. And so for me it was not healthy when I was monogamous. It actually created extreme emotional trauma and physical issues brought on by what in essence was depression. I was denying deep love, spiritual love and past life loves.

Natural? Well moving this out of the sex area and into love - I love all my children, my friends, my family so to have multiple loves is very natural to extend that to having multiple lovers is also then a natural and healthy progression.

On the other hand my primary partner is monogamous. For him monogamy is natural. And for me to expect him to become polyamorous is unreasonable and would cause him extreme emotional reaction. Though he isn't closed to it and may eventually progress into it.

He thus remains true to himself and me to myself. We have created personal to our relationship boundaries (and our boundaries/safety guides may/would not be the same as someone else's) that create safety for us as a couple and our family as well as my lovers. My lovers are responsible to their own partner and then we as lovers have boundaries that create our personal safety and preserve the greater community safety.

For me its not simple despite being natural. It is a commitment, a responsibility yet it also is fun and rewarding.

Communication is key.

or perhaps to much to expect ? And is it the healthiest way for a sacred union to exist ?


I am NOT asking this for my personal life , as I am happy "where I am at"...
so my request is for respect .


but I am curoius and DO feel like doing a brief study on relationships and what works and what does not. What is natural, what is NOT ....

Blessings, Light and Love

[mykil]

To each his own?

This has to be where it’s! Every one of us has tried a different approach on life in different times and came to our own conclusions. Some have marred, some have other sexual preferences, some choose to have more than one lover. Most seem to be comfortable in a stable one on one relationship. Seems to be for security reasons, money issues arise and people seem to think two is the way to go. Two incomes are better than one. Err two in the house is better than one. One to work, the breadwinner, and one to take care on the everyday issues a house has to offer.

In A one on one relationship there seems to be some subtle respects that you can’t get in everyday life by yourself, this is for sure. IT seems to be wonderful to wake to a partner you love and have nothing but care love and respect for. On the other hand how many think of them as trapped with no way out? Then when they do get the gumption to leave, they seem to fall right back to the same relationship they just left? Cause they are never satisfied perhaps! Every one individual has their own ideas of a perfect scenario, yet we are all the same in the aspect that most want some simple companionship and a physical or mental mmmmmmmmmm-hug and just someone to share a moment of time in their one life, someone to connect with. There really aren’t many that can’t live without the energy of the others around them. One hermit comes to mind, he is in the Antarctic and lives by himself and never gets company except one every few years. He does have his dogs! I think we really feed off others or other species and each has our own way of feeding off this energy. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way, as long as you are getting the fuel for the heart. Such a request for different options is just obsolete unless you want to live in a communist party where everything must be the same.

Different strokes for different folks has to be the answer as far as what it is that can bring around a persons energy and fuel each ones heart. Kinda like eating different foods for one is not right for the other. WE all eat something different form everyone else and thrive on the ample supplements we digest in our systems. If I felt the need to be gay and feed off this supplement, I might seek out Edward, but I don’t feel the need to this energy sooo Edward say the hell away from me!!!!!

I would feel perfectly at home with my own harem with hundreds of beautiful woman, it’s just hard to convince them that this is what’s best for them… maybe I shall move to Utah…

[shellebelle]

Threatening UTAH does not help!!

To each his own?

I would feel perfectly at home with my own harem with hundreds of beautiful woman, it’s just hard to convince them that this is what’s best for them… maybe I shall move to Utah…

[nurturetruth]

https://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/FYS/...20monogamy.htm

An interesting read which discusses "Deflating the Myth of Monogamy" when it comes to animals AND humans....

[CSummer]

As I watch the rotating yin-yang symbol to the right - - ->
I think: What if we - you and I, my beloved - are enough? What if we feel complete with each other? Then perhaps monogamy is not only not too much to ask or expect, we may realize mutually that we have no need or desire for partners or explorations (intimate and sexual) beyond our relationship. So we can choose the monogamy option, simply because it's what we want - what feels right for us.

Must we limit our options just because it's not "done" anymore (at least not on TV, in the tabloids or romance novels)? I guess I'd prefer to maximize what's possible, even to include what may be seen as 'archaic.'

Thank you so much for this opportunity,
and for your love!
(What more could I want or ask?!)

or perhaps to much to expect ?
And is it the healthiest way for a sacred union to exist ?


I am NOT asking this for my personal life and am NOT seeking 'advice or solutions", as I am happy "where I am at" with my own choice.

So my request is for respect .


I am curious and DO feel like doing a brief study on relationships and what works and what does not.

What is natural, what is NOT ....

Blessings, Light and Love

[nurturetruth]

Along the journey of life and love, I have found that there are just as many HEALTHY and HAPPY monogamous couples as there are those who are practicing "open style relationships." (whether it be polyamorous / polysexual or "swingers").

I have danced both the "open relationship style" as well as the monogamous way.
I was 21 when I first realized i would rather "share my mate , than loose my mate".
And while most of my experiences in relations have been monogamous , I am glad that I opened myself up to being able to experience and explore both.
I have found value and pain in both. I feel personal growth can and does happen with ANY relationship if we are open to the lesson(s). Especially the relationship with the self!

I did however discover that the experience of the open style with healthy boundaries seemed to help me move through and balance out that ego on different levels! And my understanding of what it could possibly mean to LOVE was expanded!

* Regardless, I DO feel that for at least the 1st year to 3 years (OR MORE!) of a new "long term" relationship- ---it is VERY important to focus on the emotional building / foundation of the relationship together.
What I would call... "Cocooning"

And that yes.... LOTS of COMMUNICATION and TRUTH sharing is essential!

I am aware that I am also VERY open to the concepts of forming a "tribe', "finding my family" and the idea of a group marriage of some sort.
(well, not legally-unless we do end up with a Mormon president! ~giggles)

[Cascade]

or perhaps to much to expect ?

If it's what you want, it's definitely what you should ask for.

Is it too much to expect? Not if it's something you both want and have agreed on.

And is it the healthiest way for a sacred union to exist ?

So my request is for respect .

Do you think there is only ONE healthiest way for a sacred union to exist?

I think there are many healthy ways to create a sacred union. If we come together with love, honesty and respect we can explore the type of union that meets our personal needs and brings us joy and fulfillment as well as growth. For some people that's monogamy, for other people it's not.

Are you finding that some people are not respecting your choice of monogamy? (if that's the choice you're making).

I think it's healthy to discuss with your partner the type of relationship you each want. Even if you both want monogamy, that can mean quite different things to different people. For some people it means not even having other close emotional relationships. The key is being conscious of our desires and expectations, and finding what works for both (or all) the partners involved.

[in2meiC]

Great question!

In my experience, sex can be a wonderful vehicle for personal growth, especially in "long term" relationships!

Sex can also be a way to reveal emotional blocks needing to be worked through.

I do not feel sexual monogamy limits the opportunities for personal growth.

Personal growth can happen in all forms and levels regardless of sexual preference.

Personal growth does not always happen with a closed mind, though.

[mykil]

If you are using sex as a learning tool I think you will only end up in trouble with serious mental complications. That pretty much goes for everything in life you are getting too deeply involved in.

If you have gone as far as you can in the sexual sense of being, I think it might be time to learn to have some fun, stop being sooo dam prudish and settle down into a few nice fetishes that you can warp your mind around and at least try and learn to use fun as a tool as you did sex in general! LMAO!! Fun is a great opportunity and is passed by so quickly that most people don’t even realize it is passing them on the outside lane. LOL!!! Enough I can’t continue without hurting some feelings…my again...

Great question!

In my experience, sex can be a wonderful vehicle for personal growth, especially in "long term" relationships!

Sex can also be a way to reveal emotional blocks needing to be worked through.

I do not feel sexual monogamy limits the opportunities for personal growth.

Personal growth can happen in all forms and levels regardless of sexual preference.

Personal growth does not always happen with a closed mind, though.

[nicofrog]

I agree;
sexuality need have very little to do with personal growth'
thats not to say that TONS of growth don't come through with multiple experiences in ROMANTIC relationship.
I have been involved in one or the other sort of "open" relations for
about 25 years.
here are some thing I have learned
*How many happy triads do you know?
* You must be SOLID as a couple to let in others on any level, even just to do the laundry or lunch,or you are kidding yourself,one of you is unclear and searching.
* It can TOTALLY work for a partner to meet a need not met in his or her primary by interacting with someone else.preferably not in secret, unless the partner specifically requests quiet on that drama front.
* I struggled for years with jealousy,(it was usually HER Idea to be open) too much processing . Anger,fear,and resentment,envy, need to be pulled apart and cleared separately, not an easy task.
* Poly is usually based on an unreliable foundation of supposed
commitments to one another,I believe we can only commit to ourselves.People who are "committed to some one with other partners" will eventually "get Laid".
* I am essentially monogamous by nature, and also available
as a lover to friends without threatening my commitment,within myself, to my primary romantic relationship.

As Mykil says each to his or her own, we all find ways toward light and love. my open loves from the past have brought me some of the greatest men in my life! this may be the biggest value I have received besides learning to love unconditionally.Things are sweeter than ever in my life now.
my bumper sticker for the eighties was "process is hogwash"
I value good communication,when it does not become an excuse for a life of full-time drama.
Nico

[anastacia42]

For me, the monogamy/polyamory question is very fluid. Somewhat like a previous reply, I'm primarily monogamous, and can be open to sex with friends, particularly between primary relationships.

Eric Francis, a fabulous astrologer, is doing a Valentine's series on "It's Not About Sex; It's About Self." He also has kept William Pennell Rock's fabulous article from the Journal of Humanistic Psychology up on his site, entitled "Jealousy and the Abyss," which I recommend to anyone who has relationships of any kind.

See www.planetwaves.net and tell him Stacy from Boulder sent you.


Perceived "limitations" on "personal growth," both terms I'd need to have defined, are always in our thinking. In fact, monogamy can increase and enhance our "personal growth" by any definition, just as much as any other type of relationship. It's just a slightly different game with slightly different rules. I call it "The one in the many versus the many in the one."

YMMV

Love,
Stacy

[Sonomamark]

Are arbitrary truisms not useful in a complex and situational world? Do different people want different things? Is it arrogant and useless to try to make generalizations about very personal decisions such as monogamy?

Yes. Yes. And yes.


Sonomamark

And is monogamy too much to expect in a relationship?

I am not a sexually possessive creature.

While I hold no interest in being promiscuous, I am curious what it would be like to share physical intimacy with others, especially those who see it as an emotional/spiritual connection rather than just a physical outlet.

I would really appreciate hearing from people who have journeyed down this path.

Did it turn out to be a huge mistake?

Or did it create a positive expansion of your existing relationship?

~ An Open Minded Gal



Please note: I am not seeking advice, or solutions. Just some good feedback based on YOUR experience and beliefs......

[Tinque]

This is a great question to ask, and have anyone who may be reading it ,think about it whole-heartedly ! Ten years ago ,I would of thought nothing different than being in a relationship with only one person for the rest of my life easily..The so called "dream" of falling in love and it being everlasting was really the purpose and goal of our existance. Or so one might have thought.. Of course as we all know that is an absolute , complete, ALMOST , non-existant reality ( I know there are exceptions , and bless you if you are happy and content ), yet we struggle throughout our lives to find love , companionship , honesty , loyalty and......We go through relationships that we learn from , some that have left us feeling like we are road-kill, some that we do not understand how we ever were even in the relationship to start with. Or did that even really happen? You can become a mother and simply not even think about sex because it is so irrelevent in your life and the father is in prison anyway and so be it ! Or you are a man you has been so devastated in his last love affair that has made you angry and weary and gun shy, or should I say girl shy. Yet then maybe you are awakened and ... Then you think about the bullshit , the nagging , the dissappointments , the feeling of being alone or not even having any alone time.Now I am sure this doesn't seem to be answering the "original" question , but it all truly leads up to this thought. I have been exposed recently to several oppurtunities of being loved and what does one do.. Reject oppurtunities to feel loved and cherished. to satisfy physical desires and maybe fantasies. Because see now we are older and know a bit about how things can go when it comes to our hearts. Do we forget the "original" so called goal of one love forever? Do we want to still believe in that? Do we care ?Is it easier and more enjoyable to let it go ? It , I know , is different for everyone and there is no right way or wrong way , persay ,to actually know how to handle this thought of being monogamous or not. You will hopefully figure it out , or not..I for one have enjoyed the passions of several different lovers , men and woman and I wonder at times if this is OK. I realize that even though I can become extremely lonely , that is a feeling all can feel , monogamous or not. Single or married. A hooker or transvestite. We all learn from EVERY experience (hopefully) and I for one have granted myself to experience to freedom , without guilt. It is so different for everyone and there is no right or wrong answers. Be what you want to be. Be honest. Be safe. Be monogamous or not . You will always learn and grow if you choose so . I choose to choose my limits , respect others and know that things can always change. With Love and Sincerity.. Tinque