Fathers' Day

[Star Man]

Dear Wacco Friends. I'm having difficulty sitting with my feelings as Fathers' Day approaches tomorrow. I wrote this piece this morning, and I am just not willing to sit on it or feel unworthy of publishing it. Star Man
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Fathers' Day

Robert Wordsmith had four children. Much of the world does not know that fact. His daughter was the eldest but she was killed in a car crash 17 years ago. On Fathers' Day, Wordsmith hopes his boys will contact him or better yet invite him out for brunch. Wordsmith has entertained his boys on their birthdays many times. One of his sons did send a card for Fathers' Day this year, but he and Wordsmith have been having relationship problems and Wordsmith probably correctly surmised that his son sent a card in lieu of inviting his father out for brunch. Wordsmith's daughter would certainly have planned an event to celebrate the day. She was like that. Wordsmith was well aware of the poor quality of parenting he provided to his children. His daughter received the best parenting of the four and the quality of Wordsmith's fathering declined through the years and that decline was matched by the expanding dysfunction in each of the boy's lives. His youngest son was a heroin addict, unemployed, isolated, broken. Wordsmith took responsibility and made amends as best as he could but the damage was already done. Wordsmith himself had a very challenging childhood. Wordsmith changed his name from the surname he inherited from his father in an attempt to distance himself from the wounding. He could not. He became a writer and bought years of psychotherapy but the lessons of childhood were ingrained, programmed into his unconscious and those lessons hijacked his awareness day in and day out creating the depression that was ruining his life. Wordsmith did not feel happy much of the time. He could say his cue word, “Happy,” and elicit the sensations of happiness but his unconscious was programmed for unhappiness and he was never able to repair that damage. Wordsmith was not a quitter so he was unlikely to commit suicide, but he certainly thought about it. He had spiritual beliefs that militated against killing himself. In the grand scheme of Mystery it was not Wordsmith's decision. So, Wordsmith sat in his lonely apartment by himself hoping one of his children would show up unexpectedly and take him to brunch or dinner. He loved his children. He understood that he was self-absorbed in their formative years and so he was not surprised that they were too self-absorbed to think that he was lonely and felt neglected. He could not send his reflections to his children because they would blame him for his loneliness.

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Thanks for reading. It helps to get out of myself through publishing my personal travails. Star Man