Putting “death” and “café” together seems odd. In the United States, many ignore mortality. Most Americans tend not to accept that they will die, much less talk openly about it, especially with strangers. Going to a favorite café is something to enjoy. Being in a café talking about death may not seem appealing, yet it can be invigorating.
Death Cafes began in Europe. More than 5,400 monthly Death Cafes now exist in over 52 countries. Initiated in 2010 by John Underwood in London, they soon began happening in Sonoma County. Adults sit around tables, share snacks and tea, and talk about their experiences, hopes, and fears. The idea is to create a comfortable, informal, and respectful environment, where people can talk openly and candidly.
Tess Lorraine has been facilitating them monthly since 2014 in Santa Rosa and will begin offering them in Sebastopol Jan. 19, Fri., 3:30-5 p.m. at the Sebastopol Senior Center, open to all adults. Santa Rosa gatherings occur monthly at the Fountaingrove Lodge on Saturday afternoons.
“As we age, conversations happen regarding degenerative and life-threatening diagnoses,” said Lorraine. “The cost of denial is that we lose opportunities for the wisdom, growth, and healing that can occur when we share authentically. Death is our final frontier and our lasting legacy.”
According to deathcafe.com, “At a Death Cafe people gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death. Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to help people make the most of their (finite) lives'…There is no intention to lead people to any conclusion, product or course of action.”
“Death Cafes are group-directed, with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counseling session,” the website continues.
Death Cafes offer a structure and format that encourage conversation. Laughter is not unusual, especially as people get to know each other and feel comfortable enough to share in a safe, facilitated environment. Death Cafes are an indication of growing death awareness.
For more information and to get on the monthly email list for Sonoma County Death Café meetings: [email protected].