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  1. TopTop #1
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Not Looking for Relationship

    I am self-employed, working daily as a psychotherapist in my own practice. I do not use drugs, and I rarely watch TV or use my cell phone. I practice shamanism and have been running sweat lodges for 22 years. My spiritual practice is the core of my life. I also sing the blues and ballads, and I play guitar. I am kind, respectful, and compassionate. And I am not looking for a relationship.

    What I am looking for is a place to garden and to have a local sweat lodge (I've been pouring water over in the Capay Valley for years). I would love to have someone to converse with, someone intelligent, educated, aware, emotionally grounded, and game-free. And....I am not looking for a relationship.

    Star Man
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  2. TopTop #2
    mplaygarden's Avatar
    mplaygarden
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    There are many kinds of relationships.. After reading your post I believe you may be an interesting human to know..LovelyRebekah
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  4. TopTop #3
    meherc's Avatar
    meherc
    Supporting member

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Well, that's nice. I assume you are not interested in sex either. I am interested in why you would post in the
    relationship section if you don't want one. That's like posting in the business services section just to say you don't have a business.


    Quote Star Man wrote: View Post
    I am self-employed, working daily as a psychotherapist in my own practice. I do not use drugs, and I rarely watch TV or use my cell phone. I practice shamanism and have been running sweat lodges for 22 years. My spiritual practice is the core of my life. I also sing the blues and ballads, and I play guitar. I am kind, respectful, and compassionate. And I am not looking for a relationship.

    What I am looking for is a place to garden and to have a local sweat lodge (I've been pouring water over in the Capay Valley for years). I would love to have someone to converse with, someone intelligent, educated, aware, emotionally grounded, and game-free. And....I am not looking for a relationship.

    Star Man
    Marilyn Meshak Herczog, EA
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  6. TopTop #4
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Quote meherc wrote: View Post
    Well, that's nice. I assume you are not interested in sex either. I am interested in why you would post in the
    relationship section if you don't want one. That's like posting in the business services section just to say you don't have a business.
    In the land of the earnest, irony is not often well understood or received.
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  7. TopTop #5
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Quote mplaygarden wrote: View Post
    There are many kinds of relationships.. After reading your post I believe you may be an interesting human to know..LovelyRebekah
    Thank you so much for this nice post. I work hard at being an interesting person, because I have to live with myself, and if I am not interesting to me, I will be bored and unhappy. The fact that you responded so cogently suggests you may be an interesting human to know as well.
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  8. TopTop #6
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    I see that it's been a couple of years since I published this post. Nothing has changed. I continue to work hard at my practice. I continue to plunge ever deeper into my unconscious. I continue to meditate and run sweats. I continue to not look for a relationship. By not looking for a relationship, I keep myself open to whatever emerges from Mystery. Life is good, challenging, and fulfilling. Aho!

    Quote Star Man wrote: View Post
    I am self-employed, working daily as a psychotherapist in my own practice. I do not use drugs, and I rarely watch TV or use my cell phone. I practice shamanism and have been running sweat lodges for 22 years. My spiritual practice is the core of my life. I also sing the blues and ballads, and I play guitar. I am kind, respectful, and compassionate. And I am not looking for a relationship.

    What I am looking for is a place to garden and to have a local sweat lodge (I've been pouring water over in the Capay Valley for years). I would love to have someone to converse with, someone intelligent, educated, aware, emotionally grounded, and game-free. And....I am not looking for a relationship.

    Star Man
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  10. TopTop #7
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    l continue to not look for relationship in the same way I continue to not look for rattlesnakes. Star Man



    Quote Star Man wrote: View Post
    I see that it's been a couple of years since I published this post. Nothing has changed. I continue to work hard at my practice. I continue to plunge ever deeper into my unconscious. I continue to meditate and run sweats. I continue to not look for a relationship. By not looking for a relationship, I keep myself open to whatever emerges from Mystery. Life is good, challenging, and fulfilling. Aho!
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  12. TopTop #8
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    I have found a relationship even though I was not looking for one. What I found was a relationship with my self. When I was young I thought I needed someone to complete me. Then I realized no one could and so I stopped looking for a relationship and that is when I discovered my self. I am one with the Universe. We all are, whether we know it or not. Through having a relationship with my self, I am in relationship with the Universe. This knowing has Coyote all over it. Thank you Coyote. Aho Mitakuye Oyasin.

    Quote Star Man wrote: View Post
    l continue to not look for relationship in the same way I continue to not look for rattlesnakes. Star Man
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  14. TopTop #9
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Quote mplaygarden wrote: View Post
    There are many kinds of relationships.. After reading your post I believe you may be an interesting human to know..LovelyRebekah
    Yes, Lovely Rebekah, there are many kinds of relationships. Yes, Rebekah, I am in interesting human to know. Hope to hear from you. john(at)johnomaha(dot)com
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  15. TopTop #10
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Quote meherc wrote: View Post
    Well, that's nice. I assume you are not interested in sex either. I am interested in why you would post in the
    relationship section if you don't want one. That's like posting in the business services section just to say you don't have a business.
    Thank you meherc for your comments. I posted in the relationships section because pushing for a relationship is off-putting. It contaminates. What I am interested in is someone to share with, to talk to, to listen to, and who will listen to me. When I say I'm not interested in relationship, I am speaking of the current definition of relationship where two people who don't really know each other fall into infatuation and have sex right away and that freezes the relationship and it never develops and they watch TV together and look at their cellphones when they're out on a date and don't know how to be interested in each other and have no idea how to develop emotional intimacy and eventually they realize the other is not there to complete them but only to get completed and then the wheels fall off and they separate and the children are devastated. I hope this clarifies.
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  16. TopTop #11
    starcloud's Avatar
    starcloud
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Well said...
    Starcloud

    Quote Star Man wrote: View Post
    Thank you meherc for your comments. I posted in the relationships section because pushing for a relationship is off-putting. It contaminates. What I am interested in is someone to share with, to talk to, to listen to, and who will listen to me. When I say I'm not interested in relationship, I am speaking of the current definition of relationship where two people who don't really know each other fall into infatuation and have sex right away and that freezes the relationship and it never develops and they watch TV together and look at their cellphones when they're out on a date and don't know how to be interested in each other and have no idea how to develop emotional intimacy and eventually they realize the other is not there to complete them but only to get completed and then the wheels fall off and they separate and the children are devastated. I hope this clarifies.
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  18. TopTop #12
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Quote starcloud wrote: View Post
    Well said...
    Starcloud
    From Star Man to Starcloud, I feel heard and seen. Thank you for that beautiful gift.
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  19. TopTop #13
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    One of my poems from a few years ago ends with these lines:

    "Difficult man/Difficult man/I am the Difficult man."

    I love the Wacco BB. I am amazed that this message, "Not looking for relationship," has been viewed over 1,000 times. Fascinating. I just posted two pieces on the Wacco Talk board a couple of days ago. One is called "Death Song of the Arctic Ice" and the other is "Suicide Civilization." Difficult man. The writings of a difficult man. About 25 people have read those two pieces of writing. No comments. I totally get that the writing is difficult. Challenging. See, this is why I am not looking for relationship. I am a really nice human being. I've said that. But, I am difficult. Not mean. Actually very nice. But complex. Difficult. That's the way I put it in the poem. Coming out of my shell, my self-imposed years-long isolation. Allowing myself to be seen and hopefully known. Wacco has been good to me. Over 1,000 views. Wow.
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  20. TopTop #14
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Quote Star Man wrote: View Post
    I am self-employed, working daily as a psychotherapist in my own practice. I do not use drugs, and I rarely watch TV or use my cell phone. I practice shamanism and have been running sweat lodges for 22 years. My spiritual practice is the core of my life. I also sing the blues and ballads, and I play guitar. I am kind, respectful, and compassionate. And I am not looking for a relationship.

    What I am looking for is a place to garden and to have a local sweat lodge (I've been pouring water over in the Capay Valley for years). I would love to have someone to converse with, someone intelligent, educated, aware, emotionally grounded, and game-free. And....I am not looking for a relationship.

    Star Man
    So, what happens when a Man Who is Not Looking for Relationship meets a very desirable and worthful and talented woman (who also sings just like the Man Who is Not Looking for Relationship)? Ah, the Great Black Hole at the Center of the Relationship Galaxy begins to swallow stars whole, burping out weak cries of sadness-light as it ingests? What happens? The ineluctable force of not looking for relationship meets the immovable object of not looking for relationship. I think that some people get so inured to not looking for relationship that they don't see a worthful relationship when it appears. I realize through this encounter that I am not as obdurately committed to not looking for relationship as I thought. So the reason I stopped--or thought I had-- looking for relationship was because I found out how much it hurts to look for relationship and then get bitten once again by the rattlesnake of relationship. Foolish man. Foolish man. Foolish man. I thought that by camouflaging myself in the disguise of "not looking for relationship" I might find a friend and perhaps someday a partner and maybe even a lover, someone who was not looking for relationship too. Ha ha! The Universe laughs! There will always be pain! There will always be emptiness. Black Holes will always be Black Holes. It's who they are. It's what they do.
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  22. TopTop #15
    Shandi's Avatar
    Shandi
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Although I've never actively "looked" for a relationship, I've been involved in many, over my lifetime. We've made a connection through a shared hobby, or work, at a house warming, a garage sale, a gathering, a workshop, and so many other circumstances that brought us together in the same time and place. It happened because we were open to communication and through that in person, eye to eye contact, we found the other person of interest. We thought the connection was important, and didn't walk away without sharing our contact information. One or both of us made the effort to re-connect by sharing an activity that we both enjoyed. That started us on a relationship journey. Sometimes it only lasted a few weeks or months, as we discovered disparate values that were revealed only through experience, and we parted ways. Sometimes those relationships lasted years, until our individual changes made us realize that the relationship was not of the same value as it had been previously. We let go as consciously as possible, but letting go is never without some pain.

    The nature of relationships carries the consequences of all human feelings, which flow between joy and sorrow. We cannot escape this. Feelings aren't static, but ebb and flow within us.

    Once when I was beginning a new intimate relationship in my 60's, a friend said to me "You're very brave!" I didn't understand what she meant. Later on I could see that she was viewing the painful parts that would eventually arise that prevented her from entering into the adventure of relationship. She chose to remain a lonely, bitter person, rather than take a chance to experience the joy and the pain of the journey. But she didn't avoid pain; rather she avoided the joy that she was protecting herself from.

    I think I've never looked for a relationship because I enjoy my own company. I've never felt lonely. I'm open to people, and care about them. From this place of being, I find myself in many relationships. Some are with people I've never met in person. Some are with people I've only shared a few days with, and live on another continent, but continue a meaningful conversation, thanks to the Internet.

    If we're doing what we love, we will connect with others who share our passion. That's exciting to me!
    Last edited by Barry; 04-14-2017 at 12:34 PM.
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  24. TopTop #16
    Joe Kinnee's Avatar
    Joe Kinnee
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Well written! Love to write and had a wonderful pen pal for a year ... Katana ... never knew her name. A Gemini, studying philosophy. Not looking for a relationship; have one with a wonderful being i've nicknamed 180 because her mindset is existential/work-obsessed/Darwinian/political with a remarkable ability in astrology WHERE AS I have had scores of 'mystical experiences' - lived in communes, churches, ashrams, cabins, mansions, ghettos and am an advocate of the soul whether YOU believe in one or not. Katana stopped writing me when i wrote that the universe, godmind, creative intelligence, big kahuna, great spirit exists before us and has an underlying program that is ABSOLUTE IN ITS NATURE. A nature that science would call the electro-magnetic field, metaphysics, the morphogenic field and religions, the holy spirit. When not meditating or writing about this ignored reality i repair and remodel dwellings to the symphony of shrieking power tools. Keeps me grounded.
    Yours in the spirit of truth, Joe

    Quote Shandi wrote: View Post
    Although I've never actively "looked" for a relationship, I've been involved in many, over my lifetime. ...
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  26. TopTop #17
    Star Man's Avatar
    Star Man
     

    Re: Not Looking for Relationship

    Dear Meherc,

    I posted my comments in the Conscious Relationship section because I hoped to stimulate a discussion of relationships. I said I am not looking for relationship. That is different from "not interested in relationship." I would be interested in a relationship that me the criteria I mentioned. Conversation, mutuality, sharing, compassion, shared spirituality, shared creative expression. Relationship could grow out of those shared qualities. I looked for relationship for years and had many. A marriage of 8 years. As second one of 21 years. I've had a friend for 17 years. There were "benefits" in the beginning, exquisite benefits. Now, separated by 200 miles, we are just good friends. She is "difficult." Think "Welcome to Me" or "Old Baby." I've become more interested in personal self-expression. I am also older. You mentioned not being interested in sex, Meherc. What a complex topic. As I have grown wiser with age, I consider sex as a spiritual experience, a shared tantric ritual, a celebration of the mutuality. So often it was a mere physiological experience. People often rush into sex, and then find that the relationship has become frozen at the developmental stage it had reached when the sex began.. No more growing. Now more knowing.

    Star Man

    Quote meherc wrote: View Post
    Well, that's nice. I assume you are not interested in sex either. I am interested in why you would post in the
    relationship section if you don't want one. That's like posting in the business services section just to say you don't have a business.
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