The English Language -- No Wonder

An Oldie but still a definite goodie!

> > You think English is easy???
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> > 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
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> > 2) The farm was used to produce produce.
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> > 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
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> > 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
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> > 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
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> > 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
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> > 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
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> > present the present
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> > 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum...
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> > 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
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> > 10) I did not object to the object.
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> > 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
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> > 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row ...
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> > 13) They were too close to the door to close it.
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> > 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
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> > 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
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> > 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
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> > 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
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> > 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
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> > 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
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> > 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
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> > Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
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> > eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
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> > English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
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> > Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
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> > We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
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> > that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea
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> > pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
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> > And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
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> > groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
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> > the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese.. So one moose, 2 meese?
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> > One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends
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> > but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of
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> > all but one of them, what do you call it?
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> > If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
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> > vegetables what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the
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> > English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally
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> > insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a
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> > recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and
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> > feet that smell?
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> > How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and
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> > a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
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> > language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
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> > fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by
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> > going on.
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> > English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
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> > creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
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> > That is why when the stars are out, they are visible; but when the
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> > lights are
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> > out, they are invisible.
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> > PS. - Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?
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> > You lovers of the English language might enjoy this. There is a
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> > two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter
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> > word, and that is 'UP'
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> > It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the
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> > list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a
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> > meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the
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> > officers UP for election, and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP
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> > a report?
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> > We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP
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> > the silver; we warm UP the leftovers, and clean UP the kitchen. We lock
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> > UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the
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> > little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP
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> > for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed
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> > is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
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> > And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is
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> > stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at
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> > night.
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> > We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the
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> > proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized
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> > dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about
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> > thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a
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> > list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time ,
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> > but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When
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> > it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out,
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> > we say it is clearing UP ...
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> > When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
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> > When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
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> > One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP,
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> > so........it is time to shut UP!